HELP: Superficial or entitled?

poptarts223 · April 2012

I need help with this particular situation, and there really isn't anyone close to me that can help. So, in March, my boyfriend talked to my dad and asked his permission to marry me. he said yes. AWESOME. Word got back to my mom and she started telling everyone and so now there will definitely be a wedding. HOWEVER, since this time, there is no ring on my finger. we have 3 months till we're supposed to get married and I definitely feel like I got jipped on the experience that most brides get to enjoy. Logically I know that we can't afford a ring, but it breaks my heart that I don't get a real proposal. Am I just being stupid and superficial? Or is this something that I deserve? Please help.

csousa1 · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_help-superficial-or-entitled?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:6e8eef49-96e2-4167-922b-4295dbcd0381Post:99062e2b-e6ea-4621-8cd3-ac01b2e9e3a6">HELP: Superficial or entitled?</a>:
[QUOTE]I need help with this particular situation, and there really isn't anyone close to me that can help. So, in March, my boyfriend talked to my dad and asked his permission to marry me. he said yes. AWESOME. Word got back to my mom and she started telling everyone and so now there will definitely be a wedding. HOWEVER, since this time, there is no ring on my finger. we have 3 months till we're supposed to get married and I definitely feel like I got jipped on the experience that most brides get to enjoy. Logically I know that we can't afford a ring, but it breaks my heart that I don't get a real proposal. Am I just being stupid and superficial? Or is this something that I deserve? Please help.
Posted by poptarts223[/QUOTE]

Hi Poptarts. So did your BF ever actually propose to you?

peekaboo2011 · April 2012

Hang on.

You're getting married in three months and you were never proposed to? Is this a surprise wedding?

Swazzle · April 2012

So do you consider yourself engaged? Or you're just going from BF/GF to married?

poptarts223 · April 2012

I definitely consider myself engaged. we are planning this thing together. It was kind of a mutual agreement. but he never officially proposed. and I HATE that I want that ring so bad because I know realistically I don't need a ring to be happy.

peekaboo2011 · April 2012

Did you tell him you wanted the ring and the proposal?

I'm so confused as to how this happened.

csousa1 · April 2012

Unfortunately, I think if you wanted the formal proposal from him, you should have just waited for it before you started planning anything. Mutually agreeing to get married and starting to plan is fine, but that conversation was your proposal to each other in that case.

ETA: Unless your mom somehow took it into her own hands to start the wedding ball rolling, but that's not what it sounds like from your last post.

poptarts223 · April 2012

Well, we were laying in bed one day and we were talking about weddings and just sort of agreed on it. I asked him what time of year he thought we would get married if we ever did and he said August.... And I asked him which august, and he said this one. So he asked my dad's permission, my dad said yes, and it just sort of took off from there.

Peaseblossom55 · April 2012

If you want an official proposal and a ring I would tell him. I know you said you can't afford a ring right now, but can you suggest some small inexpensive ring to him that you might like? Tell how much that proposal moment does mean to you.

prbright · April 2012

Ok so you both agree you are engaged?? You set a date, you booked venues, ectera, and now you're upset because you didn't get once you considered a real proposal? Am I following you correctly?

I am going to be honest by FI proposed to me after his Grandpa died. He was a wreck and I was there for him and all that good stuff, and he asked me right there laying in bed. He didn't get down on one knee or even have the ring (We got that two weeks later) but it was the most special proposal because it came from his heart.

Not all people would consider that a romantic or special proposal but all that mattered to me was that I get to marry him. If it's a proposal and ring you're worried about, don't be. There are plenty of cheap moisanette (spelling) rings that you can get.

Swazzle · April 2012

Ditto Peek.

It sounds like he asked your dad but never bothered to ask you.

My FI and I had talked about getting married for a while before he proposed. I would never have considered myself engaged prior to that happening (ring or no ring). So I'm curious to find out how this went down too.

ETA: I posted this before I read your response. So I guess that conversation you guys had in bed was when you got engaged, if that's the way you see it since you started planning after that occurred.

bethsmiles · April 2012

It kind of seems like the ship has sailed on the whole proposal and ring thing but if it's really important to you then you should talk to your FI. You should figure why you want the ring so badly though.

poptarts223 · April 2012

I think it's because I just wish I had that moment. ya know? Like when you guys finally got your rings, I'm sure it was an awesome moment for you. And I feel like I'm missing out on that. I know logically that I am engaged and I'm super stoked about it, but it just doesn't feel real. But thank you for your insight it really does help a lot.

Elle1036 · April 2012

Elle's grammar pet peeve number 5481: lying, not laying. You were lying in bed. Anyway, I agree with everyone else. If the formal proposal was important to you, you should have made that clear before you started planning the wedding. Now, it's kind of moot. About the ring, you have plenty of options out there that won't break the bank. You can get a nice CZ or lab sapphire, for example, in a pretty setting without going over a few hundred. If having that token is important to you, don't let price stop you.

peekaboo2011 · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_help-superficial-or-entitled?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:6e8eef49-96e2-4167-922b-4295dbcd0381Post:eb7b0386-91ee-4c59-9cad-cd2c8551fa27">Re: HELP: Superficial or entitled?</a>:
[QUOTE]I think it's because I just wish I had that moment. ya know? Like when you guys finally got your rings, I'm sure it was an awesome moment for you. And I feel like I'm missing out on that. I know logically that I am engaged and I'm super stoked about it, but it just doesn't feel real. But thank you for your insight it really does help a lot.
Posted by poptarts223[/QUOTE]

If you feel like you need the ring, you need to talk to your FI. End of story.

jemmini6 · April 2012

Ditto PP's, if having that moment is important to you, talk to your FI about it. It doesn't have to be a proposal (technically it wouldn't be anyways, since you are already engaged), but more of a surprise ring presentation moment and maybe a re-declaration of wanting to get married.

Have you bought wedding bands yet? Perhaps that'll be a good way to bring the topic up...?

Even if you never get that moment, try to focus on the one that's really important: your actual wedding. While getting engaged was definitely memorable and exciting for me, our wedding day was definitely the one that I'll remember the most.

poptarts223 · April 2012

Thank you for all your help. these are excellent suggestions.

LilTexasGal · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_help-superficial-or-entitled?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:6e8eef49-96e2-4167-922b-4295dbcd0381Post:7ff8fae7-7d44-461f-b3ea-7b53a25ccefe">Re:HELP: Superficial or entitled?</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>Elle's grammar pet peeve number 5481: lying, not laying. You were lying in bed</strong>. Anyway, I agree with everyone else. If the formal proposal was important to you, you should have made that clear before you started planning the wedding. Now, it's kind of moot. About the ring, you have plenty of options out there that won't break the bank. You can get a nice CZ or lab sapphire, for example, in a pretty setting without going over a few hundred. If having that token is important to you, don't let price stop you.
Posted by Elle1036[/QUOTE]

Ever since I saw an episode of American Dad that makes fun of using laying vs lying, I always direct people to it... however Youtube removed the video. =(

OP - I agree, the formal proposal ship has sailed. Maybe I missed this, but if you are engaged, with or without a ring, why do you refer to him as your BF? And why direct this post to the NEY boards? Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to harass you, I am just curious.

And yes, there are many beautiful CZ rings out there, and unless you have something against wearing something other than a diamond or diamond sim, there are a lot of colored stone options out there too.

Skv30 · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_help-superficial-or-entitled?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:6e8eef49-96e2-4167-922b-4295dbcd0381Post:99062e2b-e6ea-4621-8cd3-ac01b2e9e3a6">HELP: Superficial or entitled?</a>:
[QUOTE]I need help with this particular situation, and there really isn't anyone close to me that can help. So, in March, my boyfriend talked to my dad and asked his permission to marry me. he said yes. AWESOME. Word got back to my mom and she started telling everyone and so now there will definitely be a wedding. HOWEVER, since this time, there is no ring on my finger. we have 3 months till we're supposed to get married and I definitely feel like I got jipped on the experience that most brides get to enjoy. Logically I know that we can't afford a ring, but it breaks my heart that I don't get a real proposal. Am I just being stupid and superficial? Or is this something that I deserve? Please help.
Posted by poptarts223[/QUOTE]

I completely understand where you are coming from and I don't think you are being superficial at all. What would be superficial is telling him you refuse to get married until he can afford to put a huge top quality diamond on your hand. What you seem to care about is the moment, and any girl who says they don't agree or understand that is lying. How can we help wanting that moment when every lovey dovey movie we've ever seen has some romantic big scene where the guy proposes? I would say you can go one of 2 ways (I'm sure there are other options but these are the 2 that come to mind):
1- you can talk to your future husband and tell him there is a sentimental aspect to the physical asking of the question and although you love him dearly and obviously want to spend the rest of your life with him regardless, you cant help but wish you got to experience the emotional surprise of him directly and sweetly asking for your hand.

2- If you feel that he may be offended that his way of "asking" wasn't enough, then you can break down your conversation from that morning and see it for what it probably is in his mind, his proposal. Not every guy plans a big dinner or event where he can go on a long romantic rant about how perfect you are and get on one knee with an outstretched arm and ask those 4 words. In fact very few girls experience this otuside of a movie. You can look at your morning bedroom conversation as a very real and unique proposal from a guy who couldn't stand to wait any longer to make you his wife and the second the topic came up he jumped on the opportunity.

Either way, I wish you the best of luck!! and Congrats

HELP: Superficial or entitled?

Re: HELP: Superficial or entitled?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards