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Friend married before deployment, now church wedding 1 yr later, pre-parties??

brittneyjoshbrittneyjosh
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in Pre-wedding Parties
My friend and her husband got married in Vegas right before he left for afghanistan for a year.  Now they will be having a church wedding in September.  What kind of pre-parties should we have?  I'm the MOH by the way...  should we have a shower for her?  What about a bachelorette party...lol?
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Re: Friend married before deployment, now church wedding 1 yr later, pre-parties??

  • Summer2011BrideSummer2011Bride member
    5000 Comments Third Anniversary 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    She is already married, so why would you throw her a bachelorette party? She is no longer a bachelorette. I also would side-eye a shower or any pre-wedding parties because she is already married!


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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited June 2012
    She's already married, so skip the showers and bp. Her friends and family members who want to give her wedding gifts will either send them to her now or bring them to the vow renewal/reception.
                       
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  • HobokensFuryHobokensFury member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_friend-married-before-deployment-now-church-wedding-1-yr-later-pre-parties?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:f12463ba-29b4-494e-b092-bb5f96004e3fPost:1f96a6a8-79b3-4199-9a9c-59789fd7e767">Friend married before deployment, now church wedding 1 yr later, pre-parties??</a>:
    [QUOTE]My friend and her husband got married in Vegas right before he left for afghanistan for a year.  Now they will be having a church wedding in September.  What kind of pre-parties should we have?  I'm the MOH by the way...  should we have a shower for her?  What about a bachelorette party...lol?
    Posted by brittneyjosh[/QUOTE]

    None she is already married.  She shouldn't even be having a bridal party.
     
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  • Simply FatedSimply Fated member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    A bachelorette party seems ridiculous. She isn't a bachelorette anymore. And having a shower sounds silly, too, because They've been married for a year now. I totally get that they had a quickie wedding, but she still could have had those parties. She chose not to. You only have to be there for her at her church vows.
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  • egm900egm900 member
    500 Comments
    edited June 2012
    Agree with PP, no pre-wedding parties.  My FI went to a military college, and this happens with his friends.  I definitely side-eye any pre-wedding parties, and I tend to side-eye the wedding part too, unless it's treated as a vow renewal (no big white dress, first dances, etc.).  I get why they did it, but people don't get deployed at the drop of a hat, we've known several that planned and had a traditional wedding between finding out they were being deployed and deployment.
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  • m tullim tulli member
    100 Comments
    I agree with PP.  She's already married and those are pre wedding events.  If you wanted to make her feel special maybe you and a couple close friends could do a spa day/ or mani/pedi's or something to celebrate her renewal.  But I would avoid the traditional pre wedding events.
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  • csek240csek240 member
    Knottie Warrior Combo Breaker First Comment
    In Response to Friend married before deployment, now church wedding 1 yr later, pre-parties??:
    [
    If the "bride" wants to have all the traditional pre wedding parties. I say GO FOR IT! So what if they eloped and are now having a church wedding? They did what was right for them before her husband went away and now they are getting the real experience. My husband is also in the military and we did the same thing. The church wedding was a hit and it really completed the whole story for us. :) I had a bridal shower before we moved to our new station and a bachelorette party (minus the stripper)
    You just have to keep in mind there is no right or wrong way to have a wedding. Although you will get a lot of nose turners for not being "traditional".  It is their celebration. Their desires are all that counts and the friends and family will be happy as well.
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  • AdeleDazeemAdeleDazeem member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_friend-married-before-deployment-now-church-wedding-1-yr-later-pre-parties?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:f12463ba-29b4-494e-b092-bb5f96004e3fPost:cc7f34ea-b078-4215-96a3-19ff259037ee">Re: Friend married before deployment, now church wedding 1 yr later, pre-parties??</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Friend married before deployment, now church wedding 1 yr later, pre-parties?? : [ If the "bride" wants to have all the traditional pre wedding parties. I say GO FOR IT! So what if they eloped and are now having a church wedding? They did what was right for them before her husband went away and now they are getting the real experience. My husband is also in the military and we did the same thing. The church wedding was a hit and it really completed the whole story for us. :) I had a bridal shower before we moved to our new station and a bachelorette party (minus the stripper) You just have to keep in mind there is no right or wrong way to have a wedding. Although you will get a lot of nose turners for not being "traditional".  It is their celebration. Their desires are all that counts and the friends and family will be happy as well.
    Posted by csek240[/QUOTE]

    ::sigh::  There's a large difference between "tradition" and "etiquette."  I suggest you educate yourself on the topic.

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  • TaraKeeleyTaraKeeley
    100 Comments
    They had to get married quickly because of circumstances beyond their control, so they didn't get to do all the traditional stuff the first time around. She's not a bachelorete, so I'd be weary of a bachelorette party. If you're going to do one, I'd skip the penis candy and strippers. Maybe a girls night out at a bar or a lingerie party instead? I think she should get a shower if she didn't get one before. As long as the registries aren't out of control, I think it's fine. But that's how I feel about all weddings, anyway. :)
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  • calliopeia2013calliopeia2013 member
    500 Comments Second Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    A bridal shower for a married woman would look greedy and gift-grabby (to me at least), and a bachelorette party isn't appropriate because, again, the guest of honor is a married woman, not a bachelorette.

    That said, I think it would be appropriate to have an outing or celebration of some sort with her female friends, like a spa day or going out for drinks or dinner, or going to see a show or something.  Just don't call it a bachelorette party, since she isn't one, and don't include any of the traditional "last night of freedom" sorts of elements, because, you know, she isn't free.  :)
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  • Simply FatedSimply Fated member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_friend-married-before-deployment-now-church-wedding-1-yr-later-pre-parties?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:f12463ba-29b4-494e-b092-bb5f96004e3fPost:4df1fcd1-182f-46bf-89bf-df3acaec4eb9">Re: Friend married before deployment, now church wedding 1 yr later, pre-parties??</a>:
    [QUOTE]Are you sure this is a 'friend' and not you? <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_budget-weddings_married-on-2-week-leave-now-what">http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_budget-weddings_married-on-2-week-leave-now-what</a> Either way, pre-wedding parties are a no. Because it isn't a wedding. She/You is/are already married.
    Posted by cfaszews25[/QUOTE]
    The OP also asked similar questions in the Military Bride board and the Etiquette board.
    I guess she didn't love the replies, so she changed tactics?
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  • RailWayWifeRailWayWife member
    1000 Comments Second Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    She is already married so no.
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  • sophiazintzunsophiazintzun
    10 Comments
    edited June 2012
    I think that if your friend or you or whoever had to rush into a marriage due to what life threw at  them and this person and her FI agreed that they will have a "real" wedding experience when the time is right, then it is absolutely okay to do all the traditional parties before the traditional wedding. 

    Why rob someone from this experience? It's a one in a life time opportunity, and ultimately if its something this person truly wants, and you skip it just because it doesn't follow traditional ways then its  something that this person can regret  for a long time.   

    Sometimes life throws you obstacles, and you have to do things in unoridnary ways. 

    (im sure that not everyone in their family or friends were unable to partake in their first wedding because it was rushed.   So, I'm sure they will look forward to any festivities thrown, and be happy to be able to finally experience the "traditional" wedding parties)

    Why dont you ask her what she wants?  Her and her FI opinions are the only ones that matter. 

    Plus, if people who are invited don't agree with the events then they don't have to go.  Remember these are their friends and family, they're not juding like everyone on here seems to be doing. 


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  • sophiazintzunsophiazintzun
    10 Comments
    edited June 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_friend-married-before-deployment-now-church-wedding-1-yr-later-pre-parties?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:f12463ba-29b4-494e-b092-bb5f96004e3fPost:0ec9045e-0933-42b7-a55b-1e0fb6ba65fa">Re: Friend married before deployment, now church wedding 1 yr later, pre-parties??</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Friend married before deployment, now church wedding 1 yr later, pre-parties?? : ::sigh::  There's a large difference between "tradition" and "etiquette."  I suggest you educate yourself on the topic.
    Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]

    <div>
    </div><div>
    </div><div>Ouch.  I suggest you educate yourself on etiquette as well, your a tad bit RUDE.</div>
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  • ViczaesarViczaesar member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    In Response to Re:Friend married before deployment, now church wedding 1 yr later, preparties??:[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Friend married before deployment, now church wedding 1 yr later, preparties??:In Response to Re: Friend married before deployment, now church wedding 1 yr later, preparties?? : ::sigh::nbsp; There's a lar
    ge difference between "tradition" and "etiquette."nbsp; I suggest you educate yourself on the topic.Posted by Joy2611Ouch. nbsp;I suggest you educate yourself on etiquette as well, your a tad bit RUDE. Posted by
    sophiazintzun[/QUOTE]
    I don't think you know the definition of rude.



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  • sophiazintzunsophiazintzun
    10 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_friend-married-before-deployment-now-church-wedding-1-yr-later-pre-parties?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:f12463ba-29b4-494e-b092-bb5f96004e3fPost:8d7db45e-3e74-4a14-8166-4300621ef54a">Re:Friend married before deployment, now church wedding 1 yr later, preparties??</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:Friend married before deployment, now church wedding 1 yr later, preparties??: I don't think you know the definition of rude.
    Posted by Viczaesar[/QUOTE]


    <div class="header"><h2 class="me">rude</h2>  <span class="pronset"> <span style="display:inline;" class="show_spellpr"><span class="prondelim">[</span><span class="pron">rood</span><span class="prondelim">]</span> <span style="display:inline;" class="pron_toggle"><a title="Click to show IPA" class="pronlink">Show IPA</a></span></span></span> </div><span class="pg"><span><span style="color:#333333;cursor:default;">adjective,</span> </span></span><span class="secondary-bf"><span><span>rud·er,</span> </span></span><span class="secondary-bf"><span><span>rud·est.</span> </span></span> <div class="luna-Ent"><span class="dnindex"><span><span>1.</span> </span></span><div class="dndata"><span><strong><span style="color:#333333;cursor:default;">discourteous</span> <span>or</span> </strong><span><strong>impolite</strong>,</span> <span style="color:#333333;cursor:default;">especially</span> <span>in</span> <span>a</span> <span style="color:#333333;cursor:default;">deliberate</span> <span style="color:#333333;cursor:default;">way:</span> </span><span class="ital-inline"><span><span style="color:#333333;cursor:default;">a</span> <span style="color:#333333;cursor:default;">rude</span> <span style="color:#333333;cursor:default;">reply.</span> </span></span></div></div><div class="luna-Ent"><span class="dnindex"><span><span>2.</span> </span></span><div class="dndata"><span><span style="color:#333333;cursor:default;">without</span> </span><a href="http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/culture" rel="nofollow">culture</a><span>, <span>learning,</span> <span style="color:#333333;cursor:default;">or</span> <span>refinement:</span> </span><span class="ital-inline"><span><span style="color:#333333;cursor:default;">rude,</span> <span style="color:#333333;cursor:default;">illiterate</span> <span style="color:#333333;cursor:default;">peasants.</span> </span></span></div></div><div class="luna-Ent"><span class="dnindex"><span><span>3.</span> </span></span><div class="dndata"><span><strong><span>rough</span> <span style="color:#333333;cursor:default;">in</span> <span>manners</span> <span>or</span> <span>behavior;</span> <span style="color:#333333;cursor:default;">unmannerly;</span> </strong><span><strong>uncouth</strong>.</span> </span></div></div><div class="luna-Ent"><span class="dnindex"><span><span>4.</span> </span></span><div class="dndata"><span><span>rough,</span> <span style="color:#333333;cursor:default;">harsh,</span> <span>or</span> <span>ungentle:</span> </span><span class="ital-inline"><span><span>rude</span> <span>hands.</span> </span></span></div></div><div class="luna-Ent"><span class="dnindex"><span><span>5.</span> </span></span><div class="dndata"><span><span>roughly</span> <span style="color:#333333;cursor:default;">wrought,</span> <span>built,</span> <span>or</span> <span>formed;</span> <span>of</span> <span>a</span> </span><a href="http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/crude" rel="nofollow">crude</a><span> <span style="color:#333333;cursor:default;">construction</span> <span>or</span> <span>kind:</span> </span><span class="ital-inline"><span><span>a</span> <span>rude</span> <span style="color:#333333;cursor:default;">cottage.</span> </span></span></div></div>
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  • sophiazintzunsophiazintzun
    10 Comments
    edited June 2012
    PERSONALLY, I think your question is very much similar to the following tread:

    Granted your not a divorcee, but I think the same rules should apply... plus I like these peoples responses better =p


    http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_bridal-shower-second-marriage?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:35Discussion:3bec01fa-1ee7-4e74-845b-fba30d50ab15Post:56005df1-54ae-45d2-82c0-735db6be0591
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  • inkstainedpagesinkstainedpages
    10 Comments
    I normally disagree with how harsh people are on here about vow renewals after a quickie wedding. There is more than one aspect to a wedding - if you are rushed into the legal part because of circumstances, I don't think that means you have to forego the celebration part. In this case, I'm not sure. My sister's husband got deployed and my sister planned an awesome wedding in the month between finding out/getting engaged and the deployment. So I'm not sure what your friend's excuse is for the elopement. However, since that's the way they decided to do it, I'd say definitely no bachelorette party but a small shower might be appropriate if they have a registry. Especially if it's soon after the actual wedding/before the vow renewal. People have baby showers after the baby is born, so I see no issue with wedding showers after the wedding.
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