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Out of State Shower gifts

LauraM737LauraM737
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in Pre-wedding Parties
My FMIL wants to have a shower for me in her state so she can have her friends and relatives there (in MN).  FI's aunt is hosing at FMIL's house.  I am in Colorado and it will just be me and my FI flying out there.  FMIL says she will drive out any gifts I get when she comes to the wedding.  The shower is in 3 weeks, on July 5, and our wedding is in September, in 3 months.  Does it make sense that I will see gifts 3 months ahead of time but won't actually have them in my possession until the wedding?  I don't know how this usually works and I just wanted to know what other people's experiences are. 

I'm hoping that guests will realize we are flying in and won't be able to take much back with us, so they will get us something small or have it shipped to us.  Is this an unrealistic hope?
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Re: Out of State Shower gifts

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    quotequeenquotequeen member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    It is unrealistic to expect your guests to ship your shower gifts to you since the whole point of the shower is for you to open the gifts in front of everybody.  They may get you small items, but some people probably won't think much about it or will assume you have a plan (which you do).

    Keeping the gifts at your FMIL's house until the wedding is totally fine.  You are not allowed to use the gifts until after the wedding anyway so it doesn't matter where they are located.  Just make sure you open everything up to see if anything is broken, and that you take a list with you of who gave what so you can do your thank you notes.
    Married 10/2/10
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    LauraM737LauraM737
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_out-of-state-shower-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:e001757d-7e17-4498-b450-db533ffb8ab9Post:90bd8b9a-3f82-4746-82c4-3f9d64290659">Re: Out of State Shower gifts</a>:
    [QUOTE]You are not allowed to use the gifts until after the wedding anyway so it doesn't matter where they are located.  [/QUOTE]

    Are we really not allowed to use gifts before the wedding?  I've read here on the knot, <a href="http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-questions/bridal-registry-advice/qa/can-we-usewedding-gifts-before-we-wed.aspx">http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-questions/bridal-registry-advice/qa/can-we-usewedding-gifts-before-we-wed.aspx</a>, and elsewhere that it is okay.
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    banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    If you use your gifts before the wedding, you do so at your own risk.  If for some reason the wedding does not take place as planned then the gifts would need to be returned in their ORIGINAL condition.  So you'd be out the money to replace any used items.

    Beyond that, some guests are sticklers for etiquette so I wouldn't tell them that you're using anything before the wedding anyway.  The point is that these are for you to start off your married life -  not your pre-married life (even if you do already live with your FI).

    So that said, it's perfectly fine that your FMIL will drive the gifts to you.  At the shower, just make sure that you (or someone else) writes down who gave you the gifts so you can write prompt thank you notes once you're back in town.
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    trix1223trix1223 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    It's both unrealistic, and makes you sound ungrateful.  If it's too much trouble to have the gifts delivered or shipped, then decline the shower.

    And yes, you're not supposed to use shower gifts until after the wedding.  My DIL's shower was Memorial Day weekend 4 years ago.  Their wedding was in mid July.  The shower gifts were at my house until after the honeymoon.

    DD's shower was first Sunday in June.  Wedding was mid-July.   Again, gifts were stored at my house until after the wedding.  Well, okay....some are still here.  =)
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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    quotequeenquotequeen member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_out-of-state-shower-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:e001757d-7e17-4498-b450-db533ffb8ab9Post:734fe94b-0462-4f32-83a1-2a89cf6f5a8b">Re: Out of State Shower gifts</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Out of State Shower gifts : Are we really not allowed to use gifts before the wedding?  I've read here on the knot, <a href="http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-questions/bridal-registry-advice/qa/can-we-usewedding-gifts-before-we-wed.aspx" rel="nofollow">http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-questions/bridal-registry-advice/qa/can-we-usewedding-gifts-before-we-wed.aspx</a> , and elsewhere that it is okay.
    Posted by LauraM737[/QUOTE]

    That answer (Carley's) was really stupid.  It has nothing to do with superstition.  You aren't supposed to use them because you are to return them in the same condition if the wedding doesn't happen for any reason, not because using them will somehow <em>cause</em> your wedding to fall through.
    Married 10/2/10
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    Kristin789Kristin789 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    >>Are we really not allowed to use gifts before the wedding?

    Right.
    Those gifts are for you to START your married life, which doesn't START until you get back from the honeymoon.
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    Theresa626Theresa626 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Your FMIL is right. Please let her do that.  You're not supposed to use any gifts you get till after the wedding anyway.  Let people get what they get and let her drive it out to you.  Perfect solution.  
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