August 2012 Weddings

Need to Vent! Guest List

So we sent out Save the Dates back in January. I notified my parents and Fi's parents then that we needed their guest lists so we can send Save the Dates. Tada, done. 225 people invited to the wedding, 225 people people to plan and budget for.

Fast forward to 1 month ago. I told all of our parents that invites will be going out in a few weeks, and here's a copy of the guest list.  Please double check it and make sure that everyone is on there that needs to be. 

Fi's dad and step-mom tell us that it looks good and who they want invited are on there, and we're good to go.  YAY!

Fi's mom gives me a list of a few relatives she "forgot" about the first time around, which equated to 20 people. Not a horribly big deal, but still a bit more than we expected.

Then my mom and dad go through the guest list and pretty much tear it apart. If we invite this cousin (that I actually talk to and see), then we need to invite this cousin too on each of the sides of the family to make it fair.

Not only do we have my parents adding about 50 people that weren't originally in there, and FI moms' 20 guests. His mom proceeds to stop by last week and ask if invites have been sent yet. I tell her no, but they're put together and ready to go.  Well she wants to add this co-worker, and that friend of hers, and this neighbor.  And "so and so's son is mad that he didn't get a save the date." Okay, we'll invite so and so's son that neither of us have ever met. He won't come anyways because he lives in AZ and the wedding is in IL.  But come to find out, FI's family reunion is the day after the wedding, in IL. So that is why all of this family wants invited, because they will already be in town for the reunion.

And not to forget to mention, FI decides that he wants to add about 20 people between his co-workers, boss, and their wives and SO.

So needless to say, within the last month our guest list has gone from 225 to 400 people. I mentioned this to my parents (who are footing the bill), and they have told us that these are all people important to our lives and are invited for a reason. Glad they're okay with almost doubling the catering budget.

I just need to vent. When we started the wedding planning, we both knew our families were huge and that our guest list would be an issue. So we made sure we booked a venue that would accomodate up to 450 people, and we prepped ourselves for a large wedding. But when we got the lists from parents for Save the Dates, we were both excited because we were going to end up having a smaller wedding. Which is what we both wanted.

We aren't wanting to cut the guest list, because we know and understand that not all of these people will come. If they do, that's fine, they can be accomodated. But I just am freaking out a little bit, because I never wanted this big of a wedding.  But then some of the people we forgot the first time around, I felt horrible about because some were people we talk to often or mean a lot to us.

Re: Need to Vent! Guest List

  • It stinks the guest list didn't turn out as planned, but on the bright side, your parents are ok with footing the bill....  Guess you have to see the silver lining  Smile
  • Fi's parents insisted we add extra people too, but we are the ones footing the bill. They offered to pay for the extra people, so we said fine. But it certainly wasn't 20 or 50 extra people. I think our original guest list started around 110, but the end count was 130, so it wasn't too bad (that's including extra people my mom and Fi's mom requested).

    At least you guys planned for accommodating for such a large number of people. That would have been a way worse situation if your venue couldn't accommodate all the extra people. As punkyalicia said, see the silver lining!
  • I understand your frustration.  The guest list was the sole item that caused me the most stress as well.  At least you are not stuck in a position where you can't afford these extra people, or with a venue that cannot accomodate everyone.

    Just try to forget and move on.  That's what I am doing, though I hear your frustration loud & clear!
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  • Oh I'm definitely seeing the silver lining. My mom see's my frustration with it, and asked if I wanted to cut a bunch of people out to keep the wedding smaller.  But I told her that in the end, the people who care about us and who want to be there, will be there. And at the end of the day, we will be married. Whether there are 40 people there to watch it, or 400.

    Thank god my parents have agreed to pay for it, and have told us not to worry about the guest list. This would be a whole different situation if we were paying.
  • Yes you are very lucky that they are paying! So that is a blessing! I'm sure they won't all say yes either. It's lucky also that your venue can accomodate a change that big if they need to!
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  • Just keep being thankful for what you do have. Push all your negative, or frustrated thoughts out and replace them with all of the positives. You have amazing supportive parents. You're parents are happy and excited for you. Thankful your parents are footing the bill. Thankful you and FI will be surrounded with SO much love and support and your special day. Thankful, thankful, thankful. Don't get negative, thoughts a place in your head. Push them out.
  • Totally understand. Mine started out at 75, both FI and my parents approved the list... oh but then the save the dates were going out it was all like, did you include this person, did you include so and so, blah blah blah. So save the dates went out and yet again they were like, oh what about this person, what about this guy you never talk to. It wasn't the adding on, because they are footing most of the bill it was the asking if I had invited them... I wanted to scream "I SHOWED YOU THE LIST 9 MONTHS AGO SO YOU SHOULD HAVE F###ING LOOKED IT OVER MORE CLOSELY!" 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_august-2012-weddings_need-to-vent-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:1fb748ee-7a4e-40eb-b4b4-e553486f4cacDiscussion:622df2c4-1dd8-4c28-a4ad-f1b94c1ae1e2Post:6895381e-9f5d-41b7-921a-05d20520dd8b">Re: Need to Vent! Guest List</a>:
    [QUOTE]Oh I'm definitely seeing the silver lining. My mom see's my frustration with it, and asked if I wanted to cut a bunch of people out to keep the wedding smaller.  <strong>But I told her that in the end, the people who care about us and who want to be there, will be there. And at the end of the day, we will be married.</strong> Whether there are 40 people there to watch it, or 400. Thank god my parents have agreed to pay for it, and have told us not to worry about the guest list. This would be a whole different situation if we were paying.
    Posted by brij2006[/QUOTE]

    Exactly what my FI tells me when I get stressed about it.
  • I feel your pain, FI asked his Mom and Dad for lists in November, we are STILL getting new people and addresses!!  It is crazy!!  I can't be mad, because I went into this knowing that it would happen.. I guess my biggest issues is probably that FI decided to invite more people, but wants me to call and get the addresses. 
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