Please Help! Interracial Relationship Question

byjoline · March 2010

Hi everyone!

I need a little help from you guys. I am writing a paper for an Undergrad Human Sexuality course on the topic of Interracial Relationships. I wanted to write my paper on this topic because I am involved in such a relationship with myself being the minority. I Asian and my boyfriend is Caucasian. We met when we were in high school and are still together 6 years later! Both of us are extremely comfortable being in an interracial relationship and can look the past the whole “race issue” that some others have problems with. I just want your honest opinions! If you think interracial relationships are great, tell me why. If you are one of those who believe people should not date outside of their race, tell me why. Share personal stories or stories of people you know. I will use your information in my paper with complete anonymity. I won’t be offended with your statements because everyone is entitled to their own opinions. Thanks for your help!

LauraT25 · March 2010

I have no issue with interracial relationships, and I'm surprised when I hear negative comments about my aunt and uncle (she is African-American, he is Caucasian) because I really don't think about her race as an issue. For the most part, they tell me that they haven't met much opposition in the city where we all live, but occasionally when they are on vacation they have had strangers make some pretty insulting comments. I don't get why anyone would have a problem with it.

My family didn't care one way or another, we were just happy for my uncle, but her family was a little hesitant. Not upset that she was marrying a white guy, exactly, but some of them expressed a little disappointment that she hadn't found someone who 'shared her culture'. They all love my uncle now, and I think they would agree she made the right choice, but they may have just been a bit surprised.

Sometimes there are cultural issues that can be tough, like two very different religions, but that isn't necessarily a race thing and I don't think it's wrong, just something that couples need to think about when determining if they're compatible for the long haul, particularly if they plan on having children together.

drileybubeck · March 2010

I'm 75% black and 25% Irish. INaturally, if I'm in a relationship, it's interracial in some aspect. My family, seriously, looks like we were randomly selected, so interracial dating isn't something anyone cares about in my family because we're, by default, usually dating outside our race. If they're fun to be around and treat you right, awesome. They could be polka dotted for all I care.

My FH is white and ALL of my previous BFs were too. I was always scared before meeting the family just in case they had a problem with it and only one did. She never said anything to me about it, though. And I've been stared at, catcalled, called a golddigger (because every black woman dating a white guy is totally in it for the money [note the sarcasm please]) and told I should date inside my race. Being the same race doesn't automatically mean you have the same values, interests and goals.

There is, biologically, no such thing as race. It is a sociological creation. It is ridiculous to me that people attribute traits, personal drive and intelligence to race. Truthfully, if you're nice to me, if we're attracted to each other and we share the same values, you're eligible to be dated (well, not anymore, but you know what I mean). You don't need to be Asian, black, white or Latino to understand that people want to be treated with respect and want to be loved. Everyone wants safety and security for themselves and their families. There are basic HUMAN needs that everyone seeks regardless of race, class and gender and being happy in a relationship is one of them.

cdomanta · April 2010

I'm Filipino and 25% Chinese American and the FI is Italian American. We didn't see anything wrong that and neither did our families.

It is great to just date someone you get along with regardless of their looks. I'm happy that we never experienced any negativity from others as to our dating.

calli0pe00 · April 2010

I'm Puerto Rican (with a little bit of german mixed in) and my FI is Chinese. I always forget that we are in an "interracial" relationship until someone points it out. My family and his family are super cool and have never had a problem. Then again, we live in NYC, so our home is already a melting pot. I have experinced some negativity from my peers, and belive it or not, once from someone who was asian! An old EX friend once made comments/jokes about my FI delivering Chinese food (hence why that person is an ex friend) and the other time an EX korean friend of mine made comments about my FI being chinese as well. It's really sad when people feel the need to put down other races, when everyone has such similar struggles. At the end of the day, all I know is that me and my fiance are so happy together.

byjoline · April 2010

thanks for the feedback girls! I am glad your experiences have been positive with interracial dating, at least for the most part. I am sorry to hear about the negative comments others have made, and I too have had similar experiences, but I ignore them and move on. It always helps to have friends and family to support you along the way!

erollis · April 2010

I know I am a bit late with responding. Sorry.

I look white but am half Sicilian and half German(Brunet, olive skin, thin and curvy, I look younger then I am) . My Fiance is also white (Red hair w/ freckles, thin and looks about 20). He is a mostly Irish/Scottish, 1/4 Polish and who knows what else mixed in. The only odd looks we get are at how young we seem (we are both 25 going on 26).

I have an uncle(German and tall) who married a Japanese woman. Also I grew up some in Japan so I don't care about race. I notice skin color but for me it really is about how the person acts.

Actually I think some of the cutest kids are Asian & the ones that are a mix between black and white. But then again I am also in love with red hair. Red headed kids are cute too. A Sicilian cousin of mine married an Irish guy. They have the cutest red headed kids.

Sorry I went off on a tangent there. What I am getting at people are people.

at00263 · April 2010

I'm black and dating a white boy. I have to admit, for a while it bothered me. Although I always told myself it would never be a problem I became nervous about what other people woul think(especially since black girl/white boy isn't very common).
We havent recieved too much hostility from oher people other than some concern from the folks. My brother is dating a white woman as well so I think our parents think we don't like our own race which is not the case $:\$
I can kind of understand where they are coming from - the only two children they have never dating black people when all their other relatives do.
For me it was never about seeking people outside my race as much as it was not letting race hinder my prospects. At the end of the day Scott was the one who asked me out so he was the one I dated. Sometimes I do feel a little guilty for not settling down with a black man but I just keep reminding myself that they are the ones that never wanted to date me - not the the way around />:(
Oh, but now my family is perfectly fine with it. In fact my mom is excited about me possible having a blue eyed baby!XD

SonaliPop · April 2010

100% Indian here and have had mostly relationships with people of a different race. There was backlash for me because of it from people of my own background and community, but not my family or close friends. Sad how people can be ignorant in todays world!

ocprincess · April 2010

I am mixed white (biggest chunk is Italian, but I have French, German, Irish, etc) and my FI is full Filipino. My family completely couldn't care less what he is, but his family is a little weirder about it. I am the first white woman in their family (2 of his aunts have married white men...those guys look out for me. :-) They tell me what food is "scary" lol.) and while they don't look down on me for my race, they also don't get it when I don't do things the way that they do. His extended family has always been very welcoming and I am close with them, but his parents themselves have always been a bit standoffish, in large part because I am not like them in any way.

alinkchicka · May 2010

This is late but I thought I would still throw out my opinion. I am white and my fiance is white but I have no problems with interracial relationships but I know if I was in one my extended family would have a problem with it. That would never have stopped me from getting in one but I went to a mostly white high school and I started dating my fiance there. I know my dads family would have been ok with any relationship I was in because my step moms son in married to an african american woman and they have biracial children. However I would have probably been banished from my moms family but with that family I wouldn't be too upset. My mom was raised in a some what racist home I mean they were by no means KKK members but there were racist slurs and joke made in this family. My mom wanted to make for sure I wasn't racist so I have never understood people judging others by skin color. I also have never understood people that try to control or intefere with other peoples lives.

Please Help! Interracial Relationship Question

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