Guests with food allergies

SlothGoals · January 2013

I was just talking to my mom about the guest list and food allergies came up. I know that I have a few guests who have severe allergies to seafood (which will be served at the wedding). Obviously the guests whose allergies I know about will be getting a slightly different meal (beef/chicken instead of beef/seafood),

On my RSVP card I had planned on asking people to indicate if they needed a vegetarian meal but should I also add a line to indicate if they have a seafood allergy as well? My venue can accomodate any food allergies as long as they're known about in advance. Any advice on how to go about this? I do realize I have a ton of time before invitations go out but I figured I ask while I was thinking of it.

Carson386 · January 2013

My family is tight knit, so I asked around my family. I think where you ask them to indicate which meal you could do:
Chicken___
Beef___
Seafood___
Vegetarian___

SlothGoals · January 2013

I would do that but the meal is set. Our venue won't let us have our guests choose what meat they want. The plates will have beef and seafood on them unless we tell them in advance that certain people need an alternative.

Simply Fated · January 2013

This is going to sound strange, but will your venue allow you to offer beef/chicken as an option, along with beef/seafood? I'm only asking because I know quite a few people who won't eat seafood, but aren't allergic. I feel like these people might lie and say they're allergic, just so their beef won't have to share the same plate as the seafood. I dunno, your guests are probably more honest than my guests would be lol.

Since your venue can accomodate allergies if they're known about in advance, it might be safer to ask about any and all allergies, not just seafood.

Carson386 · January 2013

How far in advance do they need to know? I'm not sure if this is completely against etiquette so someone please let me know- may add an inset with the RSVP card for the guests to indicate if they have a seafood allergy.

Peledreamsofrain · January 2013

In Response to Re:Guests with food allergies:[QUOTE]I would do that but the meal is set. Our venue won't let us have our guests choose what meat they want. The plates will have beef and seafood on them unless we tell them in advance that certain people need an alternative. Posted by kristbot[/QUOTE]

With that in mind, it sounds like the line to indicate a food allergy is your best bet.

Gustafson28 · January 2013

We have a lot of gluten allergies, vegans, vegetarians, nut allergies, and special diet restrictions on our list. 6 of those people are in the wedding party alone! Because of this, I'm adding a line on the reply card to indicate food restrictions

SlothGoals · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guests-with-food-allergies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1e07f6e4-7f6f-4113-80c4-8577a2a0a98ePost:1b02ef4d-9864-4cac-a858-12f17b00376b">Re: Guests with food allergies</a>:
[QUOTE]This is going to sound strange, but will your venue allow you to offer beef/chicken as an option, along with beef/seafood? I'm only asking because I know quite a few people who won't eat seafood, but aren't allergic. I feel like these people might lie and say they're allergic, just so their beef won't have to share the same plate as the seafood. I dunno, your guests are probably more honest than my guests would be lol. Since your venue can accomodate allergies if they're known about in advance, it might be safer to ask about any and all allergies, not just seafood.
Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I was thinking of just asking about all food allergies but I thought that that might open the floodgate to things that we might not be able to accommodate for. Seafood is a pretty common wedding food in both my and my FIs families that's why we're offering it. I might just not serve it if it's going to cause me a headache to have it.

</div>

SlothGoals · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guests-with-food-allergies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1e07f6e4-7f6f-4113-80c4-8577a2a0a98ePost:a9cbe084-d246-4c37-86a9-8323de9cc44f">Re: Guests with food allergies</a>:
[QUOTE]I've seen response cards with "Please list any severe food allergies in your party" listed. My friend who did that got the information she needed along with a few weird requests "I only like white bread; no wheat," "I don't like guacamole," etc.
Posted by KindaSparkly[/QUOTE]

<div>Okay follow-up question! If I ask for severe food allergies and people put the guac/bread preference stuff on it, do I have to accomodate those as well if we'll be serving any of it?</div>

thejucheidea · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guests-with-food-allergies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1e07f6e4-7f6f-4113-80c4-8577a2a0a98ePost:2f0fe437-69c5-48e8-ad0e-53a47ef94181">Re: Guests with food allergies</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Guests with food allergies : Okay follow-up question! If I ask for severe food allergies and people put the guac/bread preference stuff on it, do I have to accomodate those as well if we'll be serving any of it?
Posted by kristbot[/QUOTE]
I wouldn't. The line is designed for needs, not wants.

As a celiac, I will be adding a line for listing food allergies because I know other celiacs, vegetarians and vegans will be coming to our wedding, and there could be other food allergies as well.

SlothGoals · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guests-with-food-allergies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1e07f6e4-7f6f-4113-80c4-8577a2a0a98ePost:caf718ea-51d8-41f4-8b8e-e0332f7f9885">Re: Guests with food allergies</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Guests with food allergies : I wouldn't. The <strong>line is designed for needs, not wants.</strong> As a celiac, <strong>I will be adding a line for listing food allergies</strong> because I know other celiacs, vegetarians and vegans will be coming to our wedding, and there could be other food allergies as well.
Posted by ahstillwell[/QUOTE]

<div>Okay, good. I just didn't want to dig myself a hole where we would have to accommodate every little preference that we received.</div><div>
</div><div>This sounds like our best option because I know that there are allergies on our guest list that I'm just not remembering exactly. </div>

Simply Fated · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guests-with-food-allergies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1e07f6e4-7f6f-4113-80c4-8577a2a0a98ePost:caf718ea-51d8-41f4-8b8e-e0332f7f9885">Re: Guests with food allergies</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Guests with food allergies : I wouldn't. The line is designed for <strong>needs, not wants</strong>. As a celiac, I will be adding a line for listing food allergies because I know other celiacs, vegetarians and vegans will be coming to our wedding, and there could be other food allergies as well.
Posted by ahstillwell[/QUOTE]
Are these vegetarians and vegans allergic to meat and animal by products? Because usually vegans and vegetarians have taken a moral stand against eating certain foods. To me that falls under a want, not a need. NOT that I dont' think you should try to accomodate them. I'm just saying, if you're accomodating some people's wants, why not others?

ETA: Also, my frend is a vegetarian, but not because of moral reasons, she just doesn't like the taste of meat.

aurianna · January 2013

I know you can't separate beef, chicken, seafood etc, but you can't do:

__Beef/Seafood
__Beef/Chicken
__Veggie

?

Will the guests know ahead of time that half the dish was seafood?
I've been surprised a few times (one wedding there was no entree choice and the entree and most of the apps were seafood, and another one the choice was chicken or pork. I choose chicken, and while everyone who chose pork got full pork, I got half chicken, half fish. I got pretty hungry at both of those weddings and really wished I'd known so I could have eaten a snack before hand).

ETA
I always assume when no meal choice is given it's either buffet or chicken, but that might just be me.

aurianna · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guests-with-food-allergies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1e07f6e4-7f6f-4113-80c4-8577a2a0a98ePost:51a98007-9cf4-4d73-a0a0-291da1843f10">Re: Guests with food allergies</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Guests with food allergies : Are these vegetarians and vegans allergic to meat and animal by products? Because usually vegans and vegetarians have taken a moral stand against eating certain foods. To me that falls under a want, not a need. NOT that I dont' think you should try to accomodate them. I'm just saying, if you're accomodating some people's wants, why not others?
Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]

Eh... I disagree. While yeah, it's want... many vegans and vegetarians will NOT eat meat, whether they can or not. If you don't accomodate known vegetarians, you're essentially having guests that you know will go hungry at your wedding.

Simply Fated · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guests-with-food-allergies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1e07f6e4-7f6f-4113-80c4-8577a2a0a98ePost:8e1ca910-595e-4a9d-b6de-cba56ae333fa">Re: Guests with food allergies</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Guests with food allergies : Eh... I disagree. While yeah, it's want... many vegans and vegetarians will NOT eat meat, whether they can or not. If you don't accomodate known vegetarians, you're essentially having guests that you know will go hungry at your wedding.
Posted by aurianna[/QUOTE]
To me, it's still a choice and therefore not a "need." I mean, it's a need in the sense that they'll go hungry, but the same would go for anyone who didn't like what the dinner options were. I just think when using the words "need" and "want" it gets tricky. For instance, I am not allergic to cheese, but it makes me very sick if I eat it. I'd be lying on an RSVP card if I listed it under allergies. But if I don't say anything, and the entree is smothered in cheese or fried, I'll go hungry, too.
Again, I'm not saying they shouldn't be accommodated, I just think that lumping them together with people who actually get sick from eating a certain food is weird when you blow off other people who list their food preferences.

aurianna · January 2013

Eh... I'm very picky. I won't eat seafood. I won't eat ham. There are certain vegetables I won't touch with a ten foot pole. But that's just my being picky. I wouldn't expect a couple to try to cater to me because my tastes are pretty unusual/unreasonable (not that I wouldn't mind knowing beforehand).

But with vegetarians it's not just not liking certain foods. it's a lifestyle. Either because their system can't process meat or perhaps because they have deeply held beliefs.

And if I know one of my invited guests has those deeply held beliefs and/or lives a certain lifestyle, I'd assume that if I'm inviting them to my wedding, I care about them enough to both accept that and want to accomodate it.

lyndausvi · January 2013

We had a duo of filet of beef and crab cake. We had 2 people who had shellfish allergies. They got 2 beefs. We had a couple of people who don't like meat, they got 2 crabcakes. We made sure there was no cross-contamination and our guests trusted our diligence in the matter. We also invited a Kosher and vegetarian to the wedding so we had a veggie dish.

On our RSVPs we ask that anyone with food restrictions please let us know. The only people who said anything was the above people (and we knew about them before the RSVPs went out).

Out of 145 people that came we didn't have one vegetarian or vegan. Strange right? I didn't think we did have any, but you never know when someone all the sudden becomes one.

Between my parents, MIL and us we had eaten dinner with everyone invited many, many times. We knew our groups was a meat and seafood group.

Simply Fated · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guests-with-food-allergies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1e07f6e4-7f6f-4113-80c4-8577a2a0a98ePost:5d88ece4-81b4-49ca-86b3-980a7ba4e744">Re: Guests with food allergies</a>:
[QUOTE]Eh... I'm very picky. I won't eat seafood. I won't eat ham. There are certain vegetables I won't touch with a ten foot pole. But that's just my being picky. I wouldn't expect a couple to try to cater to me because my tastes are pretty unusual/unreasonable (not that I wouldn't mind knowing beforehand). But with vegetarians it's not just not liking certain foods. it's a lifestyle. Either because their system can't process meat or perhaps because they have deeply held beliefs. And if I know one of my invited guests has those deeply held beliefs and/or lives a certain lifestyle, I'd assume that if I'm inviting them to my wedding, I care about them enough to both accept that and want to accomodate it.
Posted by aurianna[/QUOTE]
I agree it's best to accomodate all your guests, since that's what a good host should do.

But now I'm curious, would it be terrible of me to put down that I couldn't eat cheese? I eat it sometimes, but with horrible consequences. Some friends have seen me eat pizza, but only my closest friends know why I only eat it if I have nothing else planned that day. I would never want to eat it at a wedding, because I'd miss the rest of the reception. Technically I'm not allergic, so I would feel weird about putting it on rsvp cards that ask about food allergies.

freebread03 · January 2013

While being a vegetarian may start off for someone as a want (i.e. they aren't allergic to meat, they just prefer not to eat it, so they stop eating it), but if someone has been a vegeratian for years and years, eating meat, even though they aren't allergic, has a real possibility of making them sick. This goes down with reasonably accomodating your guests needs/wants.

OP, I think that you somehow need to let people indicate their preferences. For example, my mom is severely allergic to shellfish, and beef also makes her sick. Just swapping out the shellfish wouldn't solve the issue there. I liked one of PPs suggestions of "Beef/chicken", "beef/seafood", "vegetarian."

SlothGoals · January 2013

Ok, so I can't give guests an option of what they want on my RSVP (venue doesn't work like that). There are only a few guests that I know of right now who have seafood allergies. I just don't want to miss any. Seafood is typical wedding food in my/my Fis family. The vegetarians will definitely get to indicate that they need a veg meal and I will put a line for people with severe allergies to indicate that as well.

Summer2011Bride · January 2013

I would have a vegetarian option that they could check on the RSVP card. But I would be hesitant to leave an open-ended response, like "Let us know of food allergies" jut because you may get responses like a PP pointed out (I don't like olives, etc). I would be worried that if the meal did have a food they PREFER not to eat (Not an allergy but a preference like we all have) I would then feel obligated to accommodate them since they wrote it on the card and I knew about it, KWIM?

I think people with severe seafood allergies will speak up if they know the food is seafood, or you probably already know about the allergy. Could you ask your venue to have a few beef/chicken entrees ready in the back in case at the reception, you find out someone cannot have seafood? Our venue made up a few extra meals in case we had people show up who didn't RSVP or they spilled something. Many venues will do that free of charge.

aurianna · January 2013

If seafood is the norm in your circle then that's probably fine.
But I'm not sure why the need to add "severe".
Like if someone has a dairy allergy, maybe it won't make them stop breathing but it could make for a very uncomfortable evening for your guest...

Just asking them for any food allergy is fine.
If someone mentions pistachios or something it's probably not going to affect your planning too much.

ETA:
I'd have to assume that people wouldn't list foods they just don't like under allergies... or am I just thinking too much of people?

Gumby68 · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guests-with-food-allergies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1e07f6e4-7f6f-4113-80c4-8577a2a0a98ePost:e7887a1c-f4ee-4dc3-86a2-7926555e844b">Re:Guests with food allergies</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't know a single person with a severe food allergy who would eat a meal where they just swapped out half of the food for non seafood. Too risky for cross contamination.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

<div>This. I have multiple food allergies, and I woudn't even be comfortable just marking it on a card. I've never received an RSVP card with anywhere to indicate food allergies, but either way, I usually try to figure out if I can contact the caterer myself so the bride/groom don't have to worry about it. If the caterer can't accommodate me, then I eat ahead of time and bring small snacks in my purse in case I get hungry. </div><div>
</div><div>I realize that the bride/groom are the hosts and they should do everything they can for their guests, but I also realize that not everyone truly understands food allergies. I would hate to ruin someones wedding by being hauled off in an ambulance or getting sick all over the place. For many people this can happen because something was placed on their plate and then removed or a crumb of something made it onto their plate. </div>

Kate61487 · January 2013

Our RSVP cards were something like:

M______________________________
__ accepts number attending___
__ declines

Special dietary needs ______________
________________________________

We had a couple vegetarians one lactose intolerant, and a couple of nut allergies respond. We served family style, so everyone could find something they could eat, but by giving us a heads up we were able to have the venue prepare special plates (i.e. mostacholi with no cheese) so they had even more choices. I thought our phrasing opened it up to people to put more than just allergies. We didn't have any odd responses (like no guac, haha) but had I gotten any of those I would have accommodated them on a case-by-case basis. No wheat bread? I don't care, you don't have to eat the bread. lactose intolerant? I'll definitely make sure you can get a cheese-less meal.

[Deleted User] · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guests-with-food-allergies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1e07f6e4-7f6f-4113-80c4-8577a2a0a98ePost:637d391e-b2b9-48ba-ab91-bf65d0174b75">Re: Guests with food allergies</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Guests with food allergies : I agree it's best to accomodate all your guests, since that's what a good host should do. But now I'm curious, would it be terrible of me to put down that I couldn't eat cheese? I eat it sometimes, but with horrible consequences. Some friends have seen me eat pizza, but only my closest friends know why I only eat it if I have nothing else planned that day. I would never want to eat it at a wedding, because I'd miss the rest of the reception. Technically I'm not allergic, so I would feel weird about putting it on rsvp cards that ask about food allergies.
Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]

I don't think it would be terrible. I have a severe intollerance to cucumbers (weird, trust me, I know) - if I even have a slight bite of cucumber it will make me physically ill and unable to eat anything else for quite some time. I don't know if I'd mark it on an RSVP card as an allergy, but I definitely have told people if they're having me over and ask if there's anything that's a problem for me to eat. Also, when I'm at a restaurant, I tell waiters it's an allergy because I've had far too many instances where I'll ask if something has cucumbers and they won't say because they think it's just a dislike. The result is a ruined evening and a waste of food.

Another option - If you know the people well enough, you could always ask if any of the meal options have cheese before marking your card.

Jen4948 · January 2013

Well, I was going to suggest putting together a menu that includes enough choices that the most common dietary conditions can be provided for and letting guests make choices, but if your venue won't let you do that, maybe your best option is just to let people know what's available. I'm sure you'll still get plenty of "I can't eat X/I won't eat Y" responses.

If necessary, can you put guests in direct touch with the venue so they can make inquiries and plan their diets for the day accordingly?

Viczaesar · January 2013

I would tell your guests that the meal is beef/seafood, so that if they can't eat either of those they let you know.

[Deleted User] · January 2013

I put on my rsvp card at the bottom

**Please let us know if you have any special dietary needs. We will do our best to accomodate them

I figured that this covers all allergies or food restrictions people may have. It also covered vegetarian requests also. My hall just needed to know two weeks prior to our wedding of any special requests & at what table & name of individual for special request so that way they could make sure the right person got the meal. The rest of my guest just ate the family style meal that was selected by us. I had two people who needed special plates so I just email them different entree options that worked within their needs & let them pick. This helped me also still keep control of the budget while letting them pick something they could eat & would enjoy. It worked out very well.

thejucheidea · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guests-with-food-allergies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:1e07f6e4-7f6f-4113-80c4-8577a2a0a98ePost:51a98007-9cf4-4d73-a0a0-291da1843f10">Re: Guests with food allergies</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Guests with food allergies : Are these vegetarians and vegans allergic to meat and animal by products? Because usually vegans and vegetarians have taken a moral stand against eating certain foods. To me that falls under a want, not a need. NOT that I dont' think you should try to accomodate them. I'm just saying, if you're accomodating some people's wants, why not others? ETA: Also, my frend is a vegetarian, but not because of moral reasons, she just doesn't like the taste of meat.
Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]

Vegetarianism and veganism are ways of life, not simple food choices. In my post, I was referring to the previously mentioned guest responses of 'no guac' and 'I only eat white bread, not wheat'. Wheat bread and guacamole do not make it so you can't eat a meal at a wedding, but if you're a devout vegetarian or vegan, it can make it so you have nothing to eat. The same goes for food intolerances and allergies. If you have an intolerance or allergy, it's best to let the host know.

If you don't <em>like</em> something? Pick around it or just don't eat it. I'm not going to accommodate your want for white bread if all we have is whole wheat bread -- that's just stupid. Don't eat the bread if you don't like it.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · January 2013

"Please indicate any allergies or dietary requirements on the back of the card."

Done.

MOST people won't be diiicks and say, "I don't like red peppers." Some might. Some might say, "I don't eat pork," but if you aren't serving it anyway, nothing needs to be done.

As a vegetarian, I would feel relieved and welcome to indicate that on a card, if asked. Otherwise, if no meal was listed, I would assume the wedding was either a buffet, stations, or tableside ordering. If I knew it would not be, I would feel awkward contacting the bride and groom (or hosts) to let them know I needed a veg meal. So I would appreciate something simple like that.

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