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Seeing Pink and Black over Bridesmaid

MillissaBMillissaB member
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in May 2012 Weddings
I'm having some *diva* issues with my Bridesmaids/Maid of honor lately. Our wedding is 5/5 and we've discussed details and wants with these girls for the entire last year of wedding planning. One of my bridesmaid is a bit... eccentric.. so to speak. She's often coloring her hair in bright and different colors. When I'd originally asked her to be in the wedding I'd discussed with her the concept of going to a single color, preferably her natural beautiful brown hair color. She's the entire time said that that would be fine by her. Well, now that we're at 75 days away from the wedding she's decided that this is NOT ok by her. She's demanding to know exactly why this is such an issue with me and why I dont want her to do that. And I've seen posts on her Facebook from her sister talking about how she should give herself a Mohawk. I'm more than a little freaked out about this and I've tried to discuss it with her but it doesnt feel like i'm getting thru. I'm not sure what to do at this point, short of cutting her from the wedding completely. :-( please help!!
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Re: Seeing Pink and Black over Bridesmaid

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    gpapale1gpapale1
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    I'm sorry you are having to deal with that!  I would be completely blunt with her.  It's YOUR wedding, and you have a certain idea of what you want things to look like...including the bridal party.  It is NOT unreasonable to request that everyone have a normal cut and color.  She can put her individuality aside for just one day.  If she's not a good enough friend to respect your wishes, then she's not a good enough friend to be in the bridal party.  You're only asking her to wait until May 5th...on May 6th she can shave her frickin' head if she wants.  I could understand if there was never an initial agreement, but she's going back on her word.
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    mdoyle1217mdoyle1217
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    What Gabby said....  :)
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    S0095042S0095042 member
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    i agree...it sounds like at this point you just need to be blunt with her.
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    AurorasEnvyAurorasEnvy
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    Personally, it sounds to me like she is one of those people who has an issue with "conformity", being told what to do, and always has to attract the most attention (negative or not).  It almost sounds to me like she is making a bigger deal out of it now because you are making a bigger deal out of it.  What color is her hair now?  Asking her to keep her hair normal for the wedding is one thing, but asking her to dye her (crazy colored ) hair a normal color for the wedding is another.

    I'd probably say something like "You know, I know we talked awhile ago about you having your hair brown for the wedding - I would still really appreciate it if you could do this for me, but if you don't want to or it's too much of a hassle I would understand."  That way you are sounding like the reasonable & gracious bride and she seems like the one who is being a bridesmaidzilla because she needs to be the center of attention all of the time with her crazy hair colors.  (As opposed to, "Milissa is being a total bridezilla and is MAKING me dye my hair for her wedding!", etc.)  Get what I mean?

    Maybe it will work, maybe it won't....but are you really going to cut this girl, who is a good enough friend to be your BM, over what hair color she has or doesn't have?  I'd keep in mind that kicked out a BM usually means the end of the relationship even after the wedding.
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    MillissaBMillissaB member
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    Her hair had been, until recently, her normal brown color. She decided to dye it for a special event that she had taken part in because it "fit her costume" and then decided she didnt like the concept of dying it back. I've been super flexible on pretty much everything, I'd not known it was going to be an issue at all until she "pounced" on me with this complaint a couple of weeks ago (pre-crazy dye job, that yes she's done a few times in the past) and then i started seeing different random crazy hair suggestions between her and her sister (who i'm also friends with) on Facebook. it left me more than a little terrified because unfortunately, yes she does like to get attention from people. in any way she can. I love her dearly, but I fear taking the risk that she will do something like get a mohawk out of spite. She's unfortunately one of those "dont tell me to not do something because thats the first thing i'm going to go out and do" kind of people.
    I truly dont want to remove her from the wedding party but part of me can't help but be afraid of the "silent monster" of if she decides "ok, fine? you want it brown? great... but then it's going to look like.." whatever hairstyle suits her fancy. I've tried super hard to not be a bridezilla, I'm making all kinds of commendations to fit whatever other people want. they want a certain dessert type? done. they don't like a certain flower? that flower won't be there. Heck, i'm paying to have their hair professionally styled that day and I'm paying for their makeup to be done professionally as well. AND each is getting some pretty rockin' swag and free massages. I'm doing my absolute best to be pretty much the BEST possible bride to them and not ask too much of them (heck, i've asked for next to nothing of them, honestly) and somehow i'm still getting flack from them. super frustrating and really disheartening. :-(

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    caitlinc09caitlinc09
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    I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. I have had a bit of bridesmaid drama myself - though my situation is very different. 

    I can't speak from experience on this, but just from an outside standpoint here is what I would do. I would ask her to lunch or to go shopping, something generic that you both will feel relaxed during. I would bring up at any point that you get the courage up to that you really want to talk to her about the wedding. Here is exactly what I would plan to say:

    "Name, I love you so much and I am so glad you agreed to be in my wedding. It means the world to me. When I asked you, remember we did talk about your hair color. I admire what an individual you are and that you aren't afraid to express your style, but you made me a promise and I really wish you would keep it. If you aren't comfortable with being in the wedding or anything going on with it, please tell me so we can fix it! I have done my best to be flexible and accomodating to all of my bridesmaids and I hope that you can see that. I really want you there and it would mean a lot to me if you would keep the initial promise you made to me."

    I have found that in general when approaching friends in the most loving and least accusatory tone I can manage, I get what I want out of the convertaion. Mostly.

    Good luck!
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    mandi921vhmandi921vh member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2012-weddings_seeing-pink-and-black-over-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:f0ca0bc1-9255-4120-8042-b40e7f3e99c5Discussion:8fdb422d-184a-4d83-9aca-fe8aa9e1b19dPost:3ff4c53b-84fd-493f-9f71-6a7dc4645f08">Re: Seeing Pink and Black over Bridesmaid</a>:
    [QUOTE]Personally, it sounds to me like she is one of those people who has an issue with "conformity", being told what to do, and always has to attract the most attention (negative or not).  It almost sounds to me like she is making a bigger deal out of it now because you are making a bigger deal out of it.  What color is her hair now?  Asking her to keep her hair normal for the wedding is one thing, but asking her to dye her (crazy colored ) hair a normal color for the wedding is another. I'd probably say something like "You know, I know we talked awhile ago about you having your hair brown for the wedding - I would still really appreciate it if you could do this for me, but if you don't want to or it's too much of a hassle I would understand."  That way you are sounding like the reasonable & gracious bride and she seems like the one who is being a bridesmaidzilla because she needs to be the center of attention all of the time with her crazy hair colors.  (As opposed to, "Milissa is being a total bridezilla and is MAKING me dye my hair for her wedding!", etc.)  Get what I mean? Maybe it will work, maybe it won't....but are you really going to cut this girl, who is a good enough friend to be your BM, over what hair color she has or doesn't have?  I'd keep in mind that kicked out a BM usually means the end of the relationship even after the wedding.
    Posted by AurorasEnvy[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>I agree with this.

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