DW with AHR wording struggle

AlisaMac · October 2012

I have scoured the internet and much of this forum for the correct wording to use and find some good ideas but nothing that is 100%. Hopefully someone out there has some good advice.

We're having a small ceremony in Vegas in what is shaping up to be six months, thanks to my excited FI. In and effort to not go broke we are totally fine with having it just the two of us, however some good friends are willing to fly themselves out to be there for us. The chapel offers live streaming online for the ceremony and we plan to include this info on the invite. Afterwards, when the weather breaks in upstate NY we're also planning on having a picnic style "reception". (can it be considered a reception if there are hotdogs present? lol)

How do we word the invitations to basically say we're getting married in Vegas in April, please watch us online, and come celebrate with us in June... Since we will have some guests I'd hate to word it as "private" and have someone get offended because we aren't alone, but at the same time not have someone think we're flying everyone out.

msuprincess04 · October 2012

The reason you can't find wording for the two seperate events is just that, they are two seperate events.

You should send out wedding invitations that include all the info for Vegas and give the website for an alternative way to participate. And still host a reception in Vegas for those guests who go.

Then send a second invitation to a picnic or "marriage celebration", that isn't a reception (no cake, dress, first dance, weddingy stuff) because you already had a reception for your guests in Vegas.

People on this forum tend to look down on destination weddings with at home receptions because you can't get married twice, you shouldn't be throwing yourself two parties.

AlisaMac · October 2012

I'm definitely not trying to get married twice. I can't wrap my mind around people looking down on a destination wedding with a later reception because if we're getting technical, a wedding ceremony held in a church and then a reception at a different venue are two separate events: the ceremony, and then the reception. I'm not planning on wearing a gown, having a dj, or any "reception" like fare at the picnic so I apologize for calling it a reception.

I am only looking for a way to tie in the fact that it can be also viewed online and celebrated later after the fact in one invitation..

Benny618 · October 2012

I might send a regular invite for the wedding in Vegas with a note that more info can be found on your wedding website. Then, on your wedding website you could write that you understand not everyone can attend and you will be setting up a live stream so guests can be with you from afar. Then I would send a separate invitation about your at home party.

LiLe422 · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_dw-with-ahr-wording-struggle?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:1a1bb813-206a-4901-8fb2-97be7fd69574Post:3da4b10f-2404-4b78-9135-212a36e91480">Re: DW with AHR wording struggle</a>:
[QUOTE]The reason you can't find wording for the two seperate events is just that, they are two seperate events. You should send out wedding invitations that include all the info for Vegas and give the website for an alternative way to participate. And still host a reception in Vegas for those guests who go. Then send a second invitation to a picnic or "marriage celebration", that isn't a reception (no cake, dress, first dance, weddingy stuff) because you already had a reception for your guests in Vegas. <strong>People on this forum tend to look down on destination weddings with at home receptions because you can't get married twice, you shouldn't be throwing yourself two parties.</strong>
Posted by msuprincess04[/QUOTE]
You are dead wrong. People on this forum look down on <strong>D/JOP wedding followed by </strong><strong>do-over "wedding" (aka pretty princess day) at a later date.</strong>
OP did not suggest a do-over ceremony at all. What OP described is just fine.

MyNameIsNot · October 2012

"Bride & Groom invite you to celebrate their recent marriage at blah blah blah..."

Like PP said, it's not exactly a reception, but it's still a party to celebrate the marriage. You don't have to say anything about the private or destination wedding on the party invitation. Just invite them to celebrate.

Also, PP is wrong about what people react about on this board. People react poorly to do-over fake weddings, where couples try to reinact their marriage at a second "wedding" at home. People also react poorly when couples try to make the AHR a consolation prize, because they invite 50 people to a DW, but then invite 100 to a reception at home. It comes off wrong because guests learn that they didn't make the cut to get invited to the main event. This doesn't sound like the same thing, because it seems that you are welcoming anyone that wants to go to the actual wedding.

AlisaMac · October 2012

I appreciate you guys being helpful in light of a sort of complicated scenario.

We are absolutely not having a "do-over" wedding, the invitations will be just that, an invitation to the actual live-in-person ceremony, or to view it via webcast. I agree that I don't want the picnic to be a consolation prize because that isn't the idea behind it at all..

I think the tricky part is that we aren't really having a reception after the ceremony. We aren't inviting people in the sense that there is a guest list and the like, but more so that if anyone wants to be there in person we aren't saying no, and they're more than welcome to come. Hopefully that makes a little bit more sense.. Because we aren't providing accommodations in Vegas I'm just trying to find a wording that gets our whole crazy idea across.

What I have in mind so far is:

BRIDE & GROOM

invite you to witness our wedding

date/time

@chapel in Vegas

or via webcast

@website

Celebration to follow

date/time/location

wedding website

Tons of info to squeeze but I'm optimistic we can get it across without confusing any one. The plan is to get invitations made up and have them two sided with all of the info if need be. I like the idea of the two part invitations but the time frame isn't a crazy long time and we're trying to keep it somewhat casual. We won't be including rsvp cards so I think that might also convey that we aren't expecting people to fly there, but in the same respect the picnic is open to everyone. Where's an exasperated smiley face when you need one..

AlisaMac · October 2012

Well everyone is telling me you can't call it a reception if there are no dancing, cake, bridal party and there won't be any of that so how can I call it a reception with out getting my face ripped off here? Obviously with who ever comes that day we're going to dinner and out to somewhere but we've planned this as being by ourselves just the two of us to keep the cost down and now people have approached us saying that they would like to be there (not expecting us to pay).

We're already doing this non-traditional so I don't see how the etiquette hasn't changed. I am absolutely inviting people because they can watch that and just because you wouldn't dream of doing that in a Savannah Georgia wedding in 1920 because it would offend Aunt Diane, doesn't necessarily apply.

How fortunate are my FI and I to have friends and family that will understand. I'd hate to be anyone who thinks this is the end of the world and puts on a wedding to impress people and show off. I'd piss off 100 people before I sat in a banquet hall with my credit cards maxed, my house in foreclosure, inviting all the wrong people, and getting judged for my center pieces. If that's what a wedding is about I'll go to the town hall tomorrow.

Before anyone tells me that I should just call off the engagement and go live in my car because they're offended that I won't have a 300+ guest list at Caesars palace, does the aforementioned wording sound alright..

arrestclementine · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_dw-with-ahr-wording-struggle?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:1a1bb813-206a-4901-8fb2-97be7fd69574Post:eecbad80-53c7-45cd-85ae-c751b10148c2">Re: DW with AHR wording struggle</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>Well everyone is telling me you can't call it a reception if there are no dancing, cake, bridal party</strong> and there won't be any of that so how can I call it a reception with out getting my face ripped off here? Obviously with who ever comes that day we're going to dinner and out to somewhere but we've planned this as being by ourselves just the two of us to keep the cost down and now people have approached us saying that they would like to be there (not expecting us to pay). We're already doing this non-traditional so I don't see how the etiquette hasn't changed. I am absolutely inviting people because they can watch that and just because you wouldn't dream of doing that in a Savannah Georgia wedding in 1920 because it would offend Aunt Diane, doesn't necessarily apply. How fortunate are my FI and I to have friends and family that will understand. I'd hate to be anyone who thinks this is the end of the world and puts on a wedding to impress people and show off. I'd piss off 100 people before I sat in a banquet hall with my credit cards maxed, my house in foreclosure, inviting all the wrong people, and getting judged for my center pieces. If that's what a wedding is about I'll go to the town hall tomorrow. Before anyone tells me that I should just call off the engagement and go live in my car because they're offended that I won't have a 300+ guest list at Caesars palace, does the aforementioned wording sound alright..
Posted by AlisaMac[/QUOTE]

Not touching all that other stuff you posted in this... but we absolutely had a reception without the cake, dancing, and all that other <em>traditional </em>wedding reception stuff. I also got married in Vegas, and hosted a dinner reception at a restaurant for my guests (we paid). That constitutes a reception - you don't need all that other stuff for a reception. And honestly if you are only expecting a couple of guests - paying for dinner really won't break the bank.

dempseyjosh · October 2012

I'm the groom here.... maybe we should stick to suggestions about what was asked rather than giving our opinion on how rude/tacky, right or wrong, because it only seems to make you come off as rude, stuck up, close minded and judgemental.

We are trying to invite people to view our wedding at a chapel that offers a live video. When we began telling people that's what we're doing some started asking if they could come. We explained to them that we planned on going alone because we couldn't afford to accommadate people or provide a proper reception. So we aren't against anyone being there if they want to foot the bill or need an excuse for a vacation, but maybe we should stick to an invitation that is strictly inviting them to view the wedding online. Then if people are interested in being present we can explain the situation to them and let them decide. So maybe something more like this....

BRIDE & GROOM

invite you to witness our wedding

date/time

via webcast

@website

Celebration to follow

date/time/location

www.wedding-website.com

If the live feed was not available we probably would not send out invitations prior to the wedding. We would've likely sent out wedding announcements/celebration invitations after the fact.

MyNameIsNot · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_dw-with-ahr-wording-struggle?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:1a1bb813-206a-4901-8fb2-97be7fd69574Post:4971f222-933c-465e-86b3-6e68fe436b6b">Re: DW with AHR wording struggle</a>:
[QUOTE] I'm the groom here.... maybe we should stick to suggestions about what was asked rather than giving our opinion on how rude/tacky, right or wrong, <strong>because it only seems to make you come off as rude, stuck up, close minded and judgemental.</strong> We are trying to invite people to view our wedding at a chapel that offers a live video. When we began telling people that's what we're doing some started asking if they could come. We explained to them that we planned on going alone because we couldn't afford to accommadate people or provide a proper reception. So we aren't against anyone being there if they want to foot the bill or need an excuse for a vacation, but maybe we should stick to an invitation that is strictly inviting them to view the wedding online. Then if people are interested in being present we can explain the situation to them and let them decide. So maybe something more like this.... BRIDE & GROOM invite you to witness our wedding date/time via webcast @website Celebration to follow date/time/location <a href="http://www.wedding-website.com" rel="nofollow">www.wedding-website.com</a> If the live feed was not available we probably would not send out invitations prior to the wedding. We would've likely sent out wedding announcements/celebration invitations after the fact.
Posted by dempseyjosh[/QUOTE]

<div>No, this makes you come off as rude and childish. As does pretending to be your groom.</div><div>
</div><div>This is an open forum. When you post, you are going to get opinions about everything you post, whether you ask for it or not. You can't tell other people what to say, and you can't tell them what to think. You'd be deluding yourself if you think your friends and family won't be thinking the same thing the posters here are saying. </div><div>
</div><div>I was going to help, but your behavior in this response is such a turn off that I no longer want to bother. </div>

dempseyjosh · October 2012

Pretending to be the groom... really? Actually, I (the groom) was bothered by the first post and other posts I read on this forum, but Alisa told me to brush it off. But I guess it finally got to her too. You may think that we/she comes off as childish, but I think people come off as trolling throwing in their 2 cents on something that isn't even the nature of the question. She asked for help on wording, not opinions on anything else.

Maybe i'm just too laid back, but i've never been offended or thought somebody was rude for doing anything they way they wanted to at their wedding.

dempseyjosh · October 2012

And there goes CMGr on the attack again. Your post was helpful explaining why it wouldn't be correct.... but then i'm rude and my wording is NOT OK.

QueenOfTheSea · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_dw-with-ahr-wording-struggle?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:1a1bb813-206a-4901-8fb2-97be7fd69574Post:be8435e4-c4c7-40f2-8f23-ce767c6246b4">Re: DW with AHR wording struggle</a>:
[QUOTE]I appreciate you guys being helpful in light of a sort of complicated scenario. We are absolutely not having a "do-over" wedding, the invitations will be just that, an invitation to the actual live-in-person ceremony, or to view it via webcast. I agree that I don't want the picnic to be a consolation prize because that isn't the idea behind it at all.. I think the tricky part is that we aren't really having a reception after the ceremony. We aren't inviting people in the sense that there is a guest list and the like, but more so that if anyone wants to be there in person we aren't saying no, and they're more than welcome to come. Hopefully that makes a little bit more sense.. Because we aren't providing accommodations in Vegas I'm just trying to find a wording that gets our whole crazy idea across. What I have in mind so far is: BRIDE & GROOM invite you to witness our wedding date/time @chapel in Vegas or via webcast @website Celebration to follow date/time/location wedding website Tons of info to squeeze but I'm optimistic we can get it across without confusing any one. The plan is to get invitations made up and have them two sided with all of the info if need be. I like the idea of the two part invitations but the time frame isn't a crazy long time and we're trying to keep it somewhat casual. We won't be including rsvp cards so I think that might also convey that we aren't expecting people to fly there, but in the same respect the picnic is open to everyone. Where's an exasperated smiley face when you need one..
Posted by AlisaMac[/QUOTE]

<div>I personnally find this wording just fine, if it works for the two of you. It is, afterall, YOUR wedding! I had a college friend who had a Vegas wedding in which some of their best friends flew down on their own and the couple provided no reception, but their friends and family that came only came to be a part of their special day, they didn't go for what they would get out of it at the end; they only wanted to support their loved ones on the biggest day of their lives. So, long story short, if that's the wording that suits you, go for it! Yes, there may be a "formal" way of going about things, but that way is not for everyone! I commend you for standing your ground on what has become a huge debate, but remember that none of the people of these posts will be invited, so their personal opinions really don't matter. It should be an honor to be invited to someones wedding, regardless of whether you are feeding them or providing them with anything in the end; if someone is going to be upset with you for not doing something like that then they really aren't there ONLY to support the bride and groom on their new journey. My advice is to do what YOU want and what will make YOU happy; its YOUR day! Good luck on this and congrats on your upcoming big day!</div>

AlisaMac · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_dw-with-ahr-wording-struggle?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:1a1bb813-206a-4901-8fb2-97be7fd69574Post:ae495436-bc1a-4919-87c8-1017d0c906c1">Re: DW with AHR wording struggle</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: DW with AHR wording struggle : I personnally find this wording just fine, if it works for the two of you. It is, afterall, YOUR wedding! I had a college friend who had a Vegas wedding in which some of their best friends flew down on their own and the couple provided no reception, but their friends and family that came only came to be a part of their special day, they didn't go for what they would get out of it at the end; they only wanted to support their loved ones on the biggest day of their lives. So, long story short, if that's the wording that suits you, go for it! Yes, there may be a "formal" way of going about things, but that way is not for everyone! I commend you for standing your ground on what has become a huge debate, but remember that none of the people of these posts will be invited, so their personal opinions really don't matter. It should be an honor to be invited to someones wedding, regardless of whether you are feeding them or providing them with anything in the end; if someone is going to be upset with you for not doing something like that then they really aren't there ONLY to support the bride and groom on their new journey. My advice is to do what YOU want and what will make YOU happy; its YOUR day! Good luck on this and congrats on your upcoming big day!
Posted by QueenOfTheSea[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Thank you so much. Josh had to tell me to come on and look at this because I've been ignoring it since people started getting aggressive. This is the idea we've had all along and I'm so thankful someone else finally agrees with us.

</div>

AlisaMac · October 2012

Next time I need people to judge my choices instead of help me word an invitation I'll know exactly where to post. The best part about this is that it's my wedding and I can, and will do whatever I want. If it offends you great because you're not coming and you don't matter. Thanks for all the help

ootmother2 · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_dw-with-ahr-wording-struggle?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:1a1bb813-206a-4901-8fb2-97be7fd69574Post:5fa1b010-07a5-4da6-b469-a551069378bc">Re: DW with AHR wording struggle</a>:
[QUOTE]I might send a regular invite for the wedding in Vegas with a note that more info can be found on your wedding website. Then, on your wedding website you could write that you understand not everyone can attend and you will be setting up a live stream so guests can be with you from afar. Then I would send a separate invitation about your at home party.
Posted by Benny618[/QUOTE]

not a bad idea at all. As long as all the guests are invited to the wedding and the reception. don't follow all the drama

ROBINRENE5 · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_dw-with-ahr-wording-struggle?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:1a1bb813-206a-4901-8fb2-97be7fd69574Post:000d1e65-cec8-4a6c-b341-8289b6d09a4e">DW with AHR wording struggle</a>:
[QUOTE]I have scoured the internet and much of this forum for the correct wording to use and find some good ideas but nothing that is 100%. Hopefully someone out there has some good advice. We're having a small ceremony in Vegas in what is shaping up to be six months, thanks to my excited FI. In and effort to not go broke we are totally fine with having it just the two of us, however some good friends are willing to fly themselves out to be there for us. The chapel offers live streaming online for the ceremony and we plan to include this info on the invite. Afterwards, when the weather breaks in upstate NY we're also planning on having a picnic style "reception". (can it be considered a reception if there are hotdogs present? lol) How do we word the invitations to basically say we're getting married in Vegas in April, please watch us online, and come celebrate with us in June... Since we will have some guests I'd hate to word it as "private" and have someone get offended because we aren't alone, but at the same time not have someone think we're flying everyone out.
Posted by AlisaMac[/QUOTE]

I am in a similar situation. I am getting married in the Bahamas next May, and we planned on it just being the 2 of us. But turns out, alot of people were interested in coming. We are blessed to have such amazing friends and family that want to join us for our day, and we would love everyone to come - but we cannot afford to foot the bill for their accommodations. With that said, we booked our hotel with a travel agent and passed along the details to our friends on a save the date card if they are interested in attending. Everyone who would like to attend our ceremony is invited! We are having a reception at home the following weekend. It is a casual backyard reception - with burgers and chicken.

As for your wording, I can share with you what I have come up with:

You are invited to the wedding of
XXXXXX & XXXXXXX
_______________________

Date
Time
Hotel, Bahamas
Dinner to follow at XYZ Restaurant
_______________________

Casual reception to celebrate their marriage
on Date at Time
Address

I have created a wedding website for additional details. I feel like we are untraditional, but what we want is fitting for us and our friends and family support us. Everyone you invite should know you and your groom - so they should understand and support your decisions - regardless of "etiquette."

Good luck - and if you come up with better wording - please pass along the info!

ROBINRENE5 · October 2012

I am only having a dinner after the ceremony because it came in the all-inclusive wedding package. If we had to pay for it, I don't know that I would be paying for all our guests. Way more people are planning to attend our Bahamas wedding than we planned - and all those costs can add up! Do what is best for yourself and your groom - etiquette seems to have a rule for everything, but not all of them apply to modern brides with unconventional weddings!

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