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Anxious

lauraminnlauraminn member
First Comment First Anniversary
in New Jersey
Our wedding is more than 18 months away, we won't even be looking at venues in person for another 2 weeks, and I am still getting trapped in little details. If this continues for the whole of planning, I do not know how I am going to make it through!  Add to the stress that I am in graduate school, so I should really just be focusing on work and finding an internship.

Things I have thought about recently:
-should we have a receiving line?
-what to write to my fiance in our cards to each other on wedding day
-who will be in my wedding party when some of my friends may be moving out of country (I don't even want to pick until next year)
-first dance songs

I am also a little nervous about how my mom and I will do through the process. So far things are great, and she has really listened to what I want.  
Any advice to remaining rational? Maybe I should block TK on my web browser Wink
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Re: Anxious

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    kristen8040kristen8040 member
    First Anniversary First Comment Combo Breaker
    Considering you have over a year, you need to break everything up.  Set up different tasks to get done and things to accomplish each month.  The list will get smaller little by little.  Silly things like what to write in your card are not something to worry about for awhile, whereas picking your BMs should be done by the 10 month mark since you'll need to order dresses.  Take your time and don't stress too much otherwise it could take a fun time, especially something that could be a bonding experience with your mom, and turn it into a mess.  The girls here are a wealth of information, take advantage of them :)
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    gymchick05gymchick05
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    Congrats on ur engagement- I know what ur dealing w/- I honestly couldnt sleep for 4 days after getting engaged w/ all the thoughts running thru my head. Make a file on ur computer for wedding thought/ideas/concerns. Then categorize them and when u actually need that info u'll be ready. Sit down and think about the big things you need to do first- venue/church/date and then go from there.The timeline on the knot is helpful too so u know when to do what. Biggest thing to do now is figure out ur budget- and overestimate- our original "guestimate" was way below what we spend- we doubled it. So think about what u assume things will cost, then add at least 30% and start saving :)
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    rlavachrlavach member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
    I agree with the advice from the PP. It is really overwhelming at first, especially when you come on TK and see checklists with 200+ tasks and women on here who've made such amazing progress. Don't compare yourself to others. Make lists & lists & lists. Break things down by category and then by month. The checklist on here is actually helpful once you delete the things you don't really need.

    Don't be afraid to delegate tasks to your FI, mom or BMs (if they volunteer). That is something I wish I did more of. You'll get it all done. I had a 9 month engagement & somehow am making it all work, so you'll be golden.

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    kristen8040kristen8040 member
    First Anniversary First Comment Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_anxious?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:6c546ba5-f046-48a6-9b2b-dd51633dc85aPost:f8c50f92-922b-4c20-bd26-56e2fdcb1773">Re: Anxious</a>:
    [QUOTE]I agree with the advice from the PP. It is really overwhelming at first, especially when you come on <span style="font-weight:bold;" class="Apple-style-span">TK and see checklists with 200+ tasks</span> and women on here who've made such amazing progress. Don't compare yourself to others. Make lists & lists & lists. Break things down by category and then by month. The checklist on here is actually helpful once you delete the things you don't really need. Don't be afraid to delegate tasks to your FI, mom or BMs (if they volunteer). That is something I wish I did more of. You'll get it all done. I had a 9 month engagement & somehow am making it all work, so you'll be golden.
    Posted by rlavach[/QUOTE]

    <div>Yes TK checklist is a little crazy and long.  They have events on there for every situation, many that don't even apply to you.  I think I spent just as much time deleting things as I did checking them off.</div>
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    GiaspoGiaspo member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment First Anniversary
    All of the above is great advice.  Get yourself a notebook that fits in your handbag so that you can jot down ideas while you're in the car, at Target, at work, etc.  Take it step by step; as you get the big stuff out of the way, the little stuff will start to take shape ie. flowers, attire, etc. may follow the style of your venue. 

    Underbudgeting is a good idea.  As you plan, things may pop up that you and your FI would like to have, but you never thought of before (I never thought I'd want a percussionist with the DJ - who knew?) 

    Delegating is another good idea.  So is taking breaks... last year, once the big stuff was done, my DH and I literally took a few weeks "off" from wedding planning, went on vacation, etc.  It was a great break and I was once again excited to plan. 
    One last thing... anything you can do in advance, do it.  Every little bit helps!  Don't stress! 
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    lauraminnlauraminn member
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    Wow! You all are so wonderful and good advice. 

    I think it has been difficult because I can't do much until we decide on a venue and date, and since I am in DC and our wedding is in NJ this has been postponed until my Spring Break in March. We are going to 6 different places in a weekend, and hopefully making a decision.  Then I will have a better understanding of what the wedding will be like. 

    I am going to plan out a timeline and budget and try to stick with it, without getting ahead of myself. 
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    rlavachrlavach member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_anxious?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:6c546ba5-f046-48a6-9b2b-dd51633dc85aPost:5590b9b1-7d9c-45b4-ab63-2bc2a7decffe">Re: Anxious</a>:
    [QUOTE]Wow! You all are so wonderful and good advice.  I think it has been difficult because I can't do much until we decide on a venue and date, and since I am in DC and our wedding is in NJ this has been postponed until my Spring Break in March. We are going to 6 different places in a weekend, and hopefully making a decision.  Then I will have a better understanding of what the wedding will be like.  I am going to plan out a timeline and budget and try to stick with it, without getting ahead of myself. 
    Posted by lauraminn[/QUOTE]
    That sounds like a very productive weekend! Normally I'd suggest against seeing so many places in such a short period of time, but I totally understand your circumstances don't allow that. <div>
    </div><div>Definitely take a notebook to jot down details of each venue & perhaps have a set of questions that you'll ask each place. I kind of made like a form that I used at each place. This helped me from forgetting important things & kept me from making irrational/emotional decisions. The places will start to blend in your mind, so writing really helps. <div>
    </div><div>Let us know which place you pick!</div></div>

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    ljsquintzljsquintz member
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    I agree with the notebook suggesting by Giaspo - I carry around a little notebook at all times, and I jot down ideas when I think of them.  It also has some small pockets to store business cards and dress/makeup/flower/etc pics that I rip out of magazines.  This way, you can keep all of your ideas in one place.  Also, make a list of ALL of the budget items to consider - even down to the smaller details like hotel welcome bags, gifts for your bridal party, tips, and hair/makeup (including trials!).  Those smaller things really add up.
    Bring a camera on your venue tours, like PP said all of them will start to blend together.  Take one thing at a time - once you have the venue, your wedding vision will really start to come together.  I think selecting the venue is the biggest decision and will guide your other decisions.  Good luck and let us know what venue you decide to book!  This is a very exciting time - don't forget to enjoy it! 
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    lauraminnlauraminn member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    Definitely plan to take pictures of venues and also take notes.

    Do any of you lovely ladies have a link to a PDF that has good questions to ask at each venue? I've tried to search TK and was unsuccessful. Much appreciated!
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    jcg98jcg98 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_anxious?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:6c546ba5-f046-48a6-9b2b-dd51633dc85aPost:8a411ed0-b2dd-4ab0-8400-9ef538631c15">Re: Anxious</a>:
    [QUOTE]Definitely plan to take pictures of venues and also take notes. <strong>Do any of you lovely ladies have a link to a PDF that has good questions to ask at each venue?</strong> I've tried to search TK and was unsuccessful. Much appreciated!
    Posted by lauraminn[/QUOTE]

    I have a PDF of "venue questions" that I can send to you, if you want to PM me your email.
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    lauraminnlauraminn member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_anxious?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:6c546ba5-f046-48a6-9b2b-dd51633dc85aPost:e189f91f-16e4-4e8b-9a73-c789d4b09d05">Re: Anxious</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Anxious : I have a PDF of "venue questions" that I can send to you, if you want to PM me your email.
    Posted by jcg98[/QUOTE]

    <div>Thanks, jcg98. Sent you a PM</div>
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    GiaspoGiaspo member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment First Anniversary
    I can send you my budget spreadsheet if you like... It's fairly granular as I added stuff as we went along.  It actually helped me remember things in the end.  PM me your email and I'm happy to share. 
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    jcg98jcg98 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_anxious?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:6c546ba5-f046-48a6-9b2b-dd51633dc85aPost:e88c9626-ce16-4d3a-b18e-01d0a478da1c">Re: Anxious</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Anxious : Thanks, jcg98. Sent you a PM
    Posted by lauraminn[/QUOTE]

    PM'd you back and sent the email!
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    lauraminnlauraminn member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_anxious?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:6c546ba5-f046-48a6-9b2b-dd51633dc85aPost:11a56bcb-703d-44c0-9fbf-b63528d1a164">Re: Anxious</a>:
    [QUOTE]I can send you my budget spreadsheet if you like... It's fairly granular as I added stuff as we went along.  It actually helped me remember things in the end.  PM me your email and I'm happy to share. 
    Posted by Giaspo[/QUOTE]

    <div>Hi Giaspo,</div><div>
    </div><div>I sent you a PM. Thanks!</div><div>
    </div><div>
    </div>
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    lauraminnlauraminn member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_anxious?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:6c546ba5-f046-48a6-9b2b-dd51633dc85aPost:271d7ec8-118b-4c89-a032-7b4c2949c27d">Re: Anxious</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Anxious : PM'd you back and sent the email!
    Posted by jcg98[/QUOTE]

    <div>Your questions are perfect, I feel so much more prepared now! Also, where did you end up getting married? I bet it was beautiful. </div>
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    GiaspoGiaspo member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment First Anniversary
    You've got an email! 
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    lauraminnlauraminn member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_anxious?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:6c546ba5-f046-48a6-9b2b-dd51633dc85aPost:8f4df457-0ec6-49fc-b5a1-2fffabaaf6d1">Re: Anxious</a>:
    [QUOTE]You've got an email! 
    Posted by Giaspo[/QUOTE]

    <div>Giaspo and others, </div><div>
    </div><div>Just want to say how truly thankful I am for the outpouring of support and advice. Feeling a lot less anxious and more prepared!</div>
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    jcg98jcg98 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_anxious?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:90Discussion:6c546ba5-f046-48a6-9b2b-dd51633dc85aPost:c5dbfcf3-61c0-4307-8dbd-df38f2640f3b">Re: Anxious</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Anxious : Your questions are perfect, I feel so much more prepared now! Also, where did you end up getting married? I bet it was beautiful. 
    Posted by lauraminn[/QUOTE]



    So glad it was helpful! My reception was at Ravello's in East Hanover. Highly recommend. :-)
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