Mother-in law demands

jaclynfs · May 2010

My mother in-law is throwing a reception in MI two weeks after our Los Angeles wedding. She has made two demands regarding the wedding and I do not agree with either. The first I strongly opposed to, which caused a big fight. We are having a Jewish ceremony and she wanted a Christian Minister to bless us. The second demand she is making, and at this point threatening to cancel the reception if I do not oblige, is for me to re-rent my wedding dress and wear it in MI. I decided to rent my dress to keep the cost down. I proposed to her I could wear a white party dress, since no one else will be in white, but she wants THE dress. Should I just do it for her even though it is not what I would be comfortable in?

trix1223 · May 2010

How does your FI feel about the Christian minister part? I think he gets some say in this also.

I'm not a fan of brides ever wearing their wedding dress to a second reception, so I'm in your camp on this one.

Your future MIL is trying to hold you hostage over money. Don't let her. If you and your FI are on the same page about her demands, then tell her that you've made your decisions and they're non-negotiable.. Tell her that while she might not agree, you hope that she will support your decision.

And if she threatens to cancel the reception, tell her that you're sorry to hear it, but thank her for the notice so that you can cancel your plane tickets in the morning.

jaclynfs · May 2010

Thank you for the post. My FI does not care about the minister, so since I do wants me to not feel uncomfortable. As for the wedding dress, he also has no opinion other than wanting to make us both happy. He could care less what dress I am wearing.

trix1223 · May 2010

Then you've made your decisions. I think it's important that HE tell his mom that her demands are not going to be implemented, or at the very least, he back you up when you tell her.

But then stick to your guns, and if she threatens to cancel, call her bluff. I'm afraid if you don't on this, you're in for a lifetime of her making threats to get her way on issues in which she shouldn't really be involved.

Good luck.

megk8oz · May 2010

I can't think of a single thing to tell you here that Trix already hasn't.

jaclynfs · May 2010

thanks guys. I think I really just needed backing up that I wasn't being a selfish bride.

Kristin789 · May 2010

BLESSING: I wanted a blessing like this, so I invited a minister and his wife to the wedding and reception, and I had the minister say the grace/blessing before we ate - and he included blessing the newly-married couple. I thought it got the job done in a very slick, classy way. Try that.

DRESS: It's totally inappropriate to wear THE DRESS at an after-reception. No one does that. Totally rude. It's like shoving THE DRESS and everything WEDDING that THE DRESS represents into the faces of these guests, who were not able to attend the actual ceremony and reception. Totally rude. Doesn't matter if you rent it, sew it, buy it, whatever. You really can't wear THE DRESS to some party two weeks later.

zitiqueen · May 2010

<div align="left">In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_mother-law-demands?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:05dd8591-2338-4c31-8223-0a61422d9901Post:d25d9557-a00a-4884-844f-a9c7c5a53e57">Re: Mother-in law demands</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>BLESSING: I wanted a blessing like this, so I invited a minister and his wife to the wedding and reception, and I had the minister say the grace/blessing before we ate - and he included blessing the newly-married couple. I thought it got the job done in a very slick, classy way. Try that.</strong> DRESS: It's totally inappropriate to wear THE DRESS at an after-reception. No one does that. Totally rude. It's like shoving THE DRESS and everything WEDDING that THE DRESS represents into the faces of these guests, who were not able to attend the actual ceremony and reception. Totally rude. Doesn't matter if you rent it, sew it, buy it, whatever. You really can't wear THE DRESS to some party two weeks later.
Posted by Kristin789[/QUOTE]</div>

Reading comprehension isn't your strong suit, is it, Kristen?

tldh · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_mother-law-demands?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:05dd8591-2338-4c31-8223-0a61422d9901Post:d25d9557-a00a-4884-844f-a9c7c5a53e57">Re: Mother-in law demands</a>:
[QUOTE]BLESSING: I wanted a blessing like this, so I invited a minister and his wife to the wedding and reception, and I had the minister say the grace/blessing before we ate - and he included blessing the newly-married couple. I thought it got the job done in a very slick, classy way. Try that. DRESS: It's totally inappropriate to wear THE DRESS at an after-reception. No one does that. Totally rude. It's like shoving THE DRESS and everything WEDDING that THE DRESS represents into the faces of these guests, who were not able to attend the actual ceremony and reception. Totally rude. Doesn't matter if you rent it, sew it, buy it, whatever. You really can't wear THE DRESS to some party two weeks later.
Posted by Kristin789[/QUOTE]

Read a little slower next time. SHE DOES NOT WANT THE CHRISTIAN BLESSING. Period. End of Story. No Compromise. It sounds like FMIL is trying to force her faith where it is not welcome.

As for NOBODY wears their wedding dress to an after-reception, you couldn't be more off base. Almost every family member and friend of mine has had to have a second wedding reception in another part of the country and I will be doing the same. At all of them, people said how much they appreciated the bride wearing the wedding dress so they could see her in it. They didn't feel left out and certainly did not feel like they were having anything shoved at them so rudely. At my second reception in California, I will be wearing the dress again but will be foregoing the veil and bouquet.

However, that being said, if the bride to be would rather wear another dress, that is entirely up to her. I'm sure she will look just as beautiful and radiant and if FMIL can't see that, then that's her loss.

trix1223 · May 2010

tldh: don't take it personally, pp seems to live in a time warp and her "advice" is often rooted in the 1950's or earlier.

futurepivko · May 2010

I agree about the dress, that is totally wrong of her to expect you to wear it twice! or rent it twice!

If she did go through and cancel the reception, would you be upset?

aerinpegadrak · May 2010

If you owned the dress, it wouldn't be a big deal to wear it a second time. But it's completely ridiculous for her to expect you to pay to wear it again. Could you compromise and wear a simpler white dress? I'm still planning on wearing a white dress to my AHR, but it'll be a short, casual dress and not the formal lace gown I wore to the wedding.

trix1223 · May 2010

arin: OP offered that compromise, but FMIL turned it down. I thought it was a fair suggestion.

kee80 · May 2010

I think you are well within your rights to nix both of these demands. However, maybe it would carry more weight coming from your FI. It's his mom, after all - he needs to be the one to stand up to her.

aerinpegadrak · May 2010

Ah yes, I didn't see that. Yeah, if she's not open to compromise, she's not being reasonable.

tldh · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_mother-law-demands?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:05dd8591-2338-4c31-8223-0a61422d9901Post:94d9f868-b78f-4039-98ce-3afc00732240">Re: Mother-in law demands</a>:
[QUOTE]tldh: don't take it personally, pp seems to live in a time warp and her "advice" is often rooted in the 1950's or earlier.
Posted by trix1223[/QUOTE]

Thanks ;-)
Very little sets me off like that. Speaking in absolutes like "Nobody" tends to do it.

BunsCheer03 · May 2010

Put your foot down, these are not little things she is bringing up but major ones. I am having the same sort of religious issues with my FMIL. I have never believed in any one type of religion. I believe in a mix of jewish, catholic, muslim, and budist beliefs. My FMIL is very catholic and actually has been pushing the fact that I need to become Catholic by the wedding because she wants us married in a catholic church. However neither myself or FI cares. So I am 100% with you, follow your guts. Noone should push their religion on you, especially on your wedding day.

Mother-in law demands

Re: Mother-in law demands

Choose Another Board

Search Boards