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Vows from bride and groom to children

TrixieMae710TrixieMae710
in Chit Chat

We both have children from previous relationships. I checked theknot for vows that we could give to our children promising them love and life as a new family but came up empty handed. If anyone has any ideas please let me know. We want to give a small unexpected declaration to the three of them and give them rings to show that we are accepting them as well as each other.

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Re: Vows from bride and groom to children

  • peekaboo2011peekaboo2011 member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 250 Love Its Name Dropper
    I feel like giving rings to children in this respect is odd.  You aren't marrying the children, you're marrying each other.  Why not include them in a sand ceremony or something similar to instead show them as part of your family?  You don't need to write vows to them.
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  • HobokensFuryHobokensFury member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Vows are between 2 consenting adults.  You can't find anything because nothing appropriate exists.
     
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  • misssunshine17misssunshine17 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    Super creepy. I think you can mention loving your children in your vows, but rings? You can't be serious? Gag. 
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  • Summer2011BrideSummer2011Bride member
    5000 Comments Third Anniversary 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    I agree that I find this inappropriate and creepy. Vows are between adults, not children. And the rings would be weird.


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  • Avion22Avion22 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its
    I'm sorry, but I agree with the other posters.   A marriage is the joining of two consenting adults in a legal and spiritual union.   Children should not be expected to be a part of this union.   They can't consent to it, and it could bring up a lot of conflicting and confusing emotions for them.   

    Can you imagine a child with a deceased parent feeling like they had to accept a new one into their life?   Or a child with living (divorced) parents feeling like they had to choose the new step parent over their biological parent?   Most adults realize that blending families doesn't mean choosing, but children don't necessarily understand that.

    If you want to do a family bonding activity, then make it separate from the wedding.  Go on a picnic or a hiking trip, go to an amusement park or theme park, or do something else to bond.  Don't include kids in your vows.   And don't have them pour colored sand in some made-up ceremony (as that is symbolically representative of saying a vow).
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  • JaxInBlueJaxInBlue member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments Name Dropper
    Agree with previous posters.  Vows and rings for children are not appropriate.  When my parents remarried post-divorce, I would not have been okay with saying vows to either my new step-parent or my new step-siblings. I just wasn't in a fully loving or accepting place yet. 

    If you want to do something to represent your new family, get a family oriented sand ceremony kit.  Make it a family activity to be done at home before the wedding and display the results at your ceremony or reception. You and your husband could always "top off" the container during the ceremony and talk about it represents your new roles as heads of this blended family.
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  • arendivaarendiva member
    Third Anniversary 100 Comments 5 Love Its
    Please don't do this. The ceremony is really supposed to be about the two ofyou and the binding of your love for one another. Children have nothing to do with it and really have no place in the ceremony. As other have pointed out it is creepy (especially with rings) and it may make your children uncomfortable (even if they don't admit it to you). I like stage's idea of giving eachother's kids gifts in private the morning of the wedding.
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  • Marrin713Marrin713 member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    Bond with each others kids in your daily lives, not during a ceremony betw two adults.
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  • jeannemarie06jeannemarie06 member
    10 Comments First Anniversary
    Been there done that.
    I have children he does not.  Here goes.

    (name), today I take you to be my (husband/wife). Together we will create a home for (children's names) becoming a part of one another.  I vow to help create a life that we both can cherish, inspiring your love for me and mine for you. I vow to be honest, caring and truthful, to love you as you are and not as I want you to be and grow old by your side as your love and best friend.

    Right afer we presented each daughter with a (daughter necklace) and son with a cross with a diamond in the middle.

    It was very important to us to mention my children by name.  They appreciated it.

    My girlfriend suggested these vows.  She is a minister out of state.

    GOOD LUCK!!
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  • artbyallieartbyallie mod
    Moderator Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Jeanne, I was going to say you missed the point, but actually those vows are quite good since they don't make any promises directly to the children and don't involve the children having to do anything. I would still probably keep the gift private if it were me, but the wording is not objectionable, IMO.
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  • jeannemarie06jeannemarie06 member
    10 Comments First Anniversary
    There was only six other people present. All of the very near and dear. I guess I should have explained that.

    I certainly hope that the people giving their responses have much experience with this matter of a blended family as I do.
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  • MNbride1991MNbride1991
    10 Comments
    There was a time in my planning that I wanted my FI to say a vow to my preschool age son. It's a sweet gesture, but like PPs have said -- after I mulled it over for a while, it really isn't appropriate for a wedding, plus you'd be putting your kids on the spot and it wouldn't be a great memory for them.They'd feel super awkward and shy.
    I LOVE the idea of a nice small gift in the morning and I would leave it at that.
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  • jeannemarie06jeannemarie06 member
    10 Comments First Anniversary
    I read again the original post.  The bride was looking for something that she could not find to incorporate in her vows, which I provided her with. 

    No matter what I am a mother and a package.  That is how I always presented myself.  His support in every way must be evident and consistent.  My ex and I agree that it takes the 3 of us to get these children through life.

    My explanation of our gift was to give her a more appropriate token of expression. Over 20 years ago when I first got married my step children were very small and just happy to be there.  Now MY (our meaning my ex) children are almost adults and loved the inclusion in this manner.

    There is never any clear cut answer.  She did not state the age of the children.

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  • melissanjoe21melissanjoe21 member
    100 Comments First Anniversary 5 Love Its
    I have children my fiance doesn't. We are including them in the sand ceremony.   This isn't that uncommon.
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