Bridesmaides

[Deleted User] · September 2010

I don't know what to do. My fiance's brother just got married and his sister is getting married next month. We were not engaged for his brother's wedding so
I was not asked to be in the bridal party. His sister didn't ask me to be in her wedding next month. Do I have to ask my future sister-inlaws to be in mine? And if I don't ask them is it in poor taste to ask two of his cousins instead?

akhensley81 · September 2010

You don't have to ask anyone to be in your wedding party. Ask the people you want - for your own reasons.

AllAboutTheBenjamin · September 2010

You can ask anyone you want...

ShanaFry · September 2010

Ditto

LuckyBrideToBe0013 · September 2010

I think that you can ask anyone you want, but you should be prepared for any consequences.

I had been dating my then BF for 3 years when his sister got married and was not a bridesmaid. Dating four years when his brother got married and was in the wedding party. I had already been friendly with FI's brothers then GF, but now I am much closer with FI's brother's wife than his sister, because we had a lot of bonding time.

FI wanted his sister in our WP. I could care less. She has not treated me as a future sister, even when I have tried to do stuff with her. I didn't want to isolate her further by not including her. I'd like to think we'd become closer through the wedding planning and parties, but I don't see it happening. At least I can say I tried and I didn't hurt anyone's feelings. I know FMIL would have been pissed if FSIL wasn't part of the WP.

whitneykaye87 · September 2010

If you don't want them standing next to you, don't ask them to be bridesmaids.

If your FI wants his sisters in the wedding, they can always stand on his side and be groomswomen. I've seen it done many times.

akhensley81 · September 2010

LuckyBride is right... unfortunately, there are people out there who believe they're entitled to things like wedding party jobs and get butthurt when they're not invited. I had a friend who point-blank asked me why she wasn't asked to be a bridesmaid. Just prepare yourself that it could happen, but just because you didn't pick someone it doesn't make you a biitch. Don't let them make you feel bad about it.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · September 2010

Ask your FI how he feels. He can always have his sister as a groomswoman if he's close to her or he thinks his parents will be pissed.

My Fi's sisters are doing readings for us, but are not in the WP. My brother is standing on my side because my FI likes him, but they aren't that close, and I wanted my brother on my side.

noodle_oo · September 2010

I'd ask your FI. My SIL got engaged after we did, but married first. She had me in her wedding party (frankly, I was shocked! We're not close, but she and her husband had all the siblings + spouses so it was sweet of her to include me). When we started our planning, I already had my 4 BMs picked out and it did not include her. DH was worried she'd be sad, so he ended up having her as a groomswoman which worked out perfectly.

It was just really important to me to have my sister + 3 best friends as BMs, so I suggested the GW thing (since he had fewer GM anyway). He thought it was weird at first, but she was thrilled and everyone was happy.

quotequeen · September 2010

If your FI really wants them in the wedding they should be in the wedding, either on your side or on his. If he doesn't care then you don't have to ask them, but if you think it will cause drama in the future it's probably easier to ask them anyway.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaides-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:972636e2-8953-4e60-b001-581f19a34751Post:1501c566-1288-49b7-9c98-685e09fa7b25">Re: Bridesmaides</a>:
[QUOTE]It's "bridesmaid" and "sisters inlaw" - not "sister inlaws".
Posted by pumpkinpumpkin[/QUOTE]

I gotta say, "sister in laws" is a huge pet peeve of mine.

Calypso1977 · September 2010

i did not ask my H's sister to be in our wedding, we arent close. however, i made sure she was invited to the RD with her fiance, and i purchased a corsage for her and a bout for the FI for the wedding day and they were included in many pictures. if we'd had readers or some other role at the wedding, i would have asked her to do that. but we purposely wanted a WP with just 2 people, one on each side, for costs and simplicity, etc.

hlq2011 · September 2010

While I agree with PP's that you can ask whoever you want, which is as it should be, I think that, generally, it's expected that siblings, not necessarily siblings-in-law, will be in a wedding.

I am not a bridesmaid in FH's sister's wedding, and did not expect to be. FH is a groomsman in his sister's wedding.

FH's sisters are both my bridesmaids, and my brother is going to be a groomsman in our wedding. My brother got engaged recently, and his fiance is not going to be a bridesmaid in our wedding.

To be completely honest, I'll be hurt if I'm not asked to stand up in my brother's wedding. My brother is walking me down the aisle.

My suggestion, to avoid hurt feelings, is to include your FH's siblings if he's close to them. They should be in the wedding, on either your side or his, for him. FH's sister-in-law doesn't necessarily fit that bill, though she might.

And if you're close to them, go ahead and ask the cousins.

megk8oz · September 2010

I don't really see why either of his sisters would have been obligated on any level to include you in their WP, unless they were by chance marrying one of your brothers. Their marriages aren't joining your and your FI's families. Your marriage to your FI is.

That being said, while it's not against the law to exclude the bride or groom's siblings from the WP, in some families, it's really not worth the headache entailed with doing so.

If his family doesn't get upset by that sort of thing, just ask whomever you want and don't worry about it. If his family is the type that would throw it in your face at every single Thanksgiving and family reunion "for as long as you both shall live" that his sisters were left out (And those families really do exist), trust me, you're way better off just sucking it up and buying a couple of extra bouquets and including them as either bridesmaids or groomswomen.

[Deleted User] · September 2010

I agree with pp's. Ask you you want to ask and be beside you on your special day. If your FI raises a big stink about it, they can stand on his side as groomswomen.

LuluP82 · September 2010

I think you should ask his sister, but not his sister-in-law. I personally think that siblings should be in the wedding party, and it's not a big deal what side they're on. Especially if he only has one sister...she should be in the wedding. Especially if every other sibling is in the wedding (her husband need not be in the wedding).

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