New / Super Confused Bride!

Malzie13 · December 2012

Hi Everyone!

Brand new Bride here! I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place! If anyone can help out with some answers I have that would be amazing!

I plan on having a destination wedding and only inviting less that half of my guest list, then everyone will be invited to a big reception back home.

Do I send out separate save the dates? Who gets invited to the engagement party? Do I send out general "we're engaged cards?"

Thanks for any help I can get!

- Mallory

jennylee813 · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_new-super-confused-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:35cb53dc-368f-4607-9101-778f6dc6e486Post:a8828d01-8684-46da-9d2d-8b8020ae43a9">New / Super Confused Bride!</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi Everyone! Brand new Bride here! I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place! If anyone can help out with some answers I have that would be amazing! I plan on having a destination wedding and only inviting less that half of my guest list, then everyone will be invited to a big reception back home. Do I send out separate save the dates? <strong>Who gets invited to the engagement party?</strong> Do I send out general "we're engaged cards?" Thanks for any help I can get! - Mallory
Posted by Malzie13[/QUOTE]

Please don't host your own engagement party! It is rude for the bride to host her own parties, whether engagement, shower or bachelorette.

Send out save the date cards to the people on your destination wedding guest list and submit an engagement announcement to your local paper.

Don't have a 'reception' when you get home. CMGr is right - your reception will happen after your ceremony on your wedding day.

Congratulations on your engagement!

Malzie13 · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_new-super-confused-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:35cb53dc-368f-4607-9101-778f6dc6e486Post:c0ef9b57-702c-4fb4-8631-a4b932b0190e">Re: New / Super Confused Bride!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to New / Super Confused Bride! : Please don't host your own engagement party! It is rude for the bride to host her own parties, whether engagement, shower or bachelorette. Send out save the date cards to the people on your destination wedding guest list and submit an engagement announcement to your local paper. Don't have a 'reception' when you get home. CMGr is right - your reception will happen after your ceremony on your wedding day. Congratulations on your engagement!
Posted by jennylee813[/QUOTE]

<div>I'm not having a reception AFTER the desitnation wedding - it will just be the ceremony and *possibly* a dinner, nothing more. Hence me having an ACTUAL reception when we arrive home for everyone.</div><div>
</div><div>
</div>

BulgariHeart · December 2012

OP you're confused. The one and only actual reception is the one that happens after the actual ceremony. I had a DW that included a reception for the guests that came to my very actual wedding.

OliveOilsMom · December 2012

You have a few options to choose from:

1. Have a DW. Invite everyone on your guestlist, not half. Have your ceremony and reception. Then you may host an At Home Reception (AHR), with the same exact guestlist, for the guests who could not attend the actual wedding. But again, you will have no re-do ceremony (you would already be married!), no wedding dress, no first dance, or boquet/garter toss.

2. Have a DW with immediate family only. Then have a larger party later. Again see, the how to have an AHR above.

Please keep in mind, that only those invited to witness the ceremony are invited to pre-wedding parties like e-parties or showers. So if you have immediate family only at your DW, then that is all who would attend these parties. You also cannot throw one for yourself.

With your current plan of inviting only half of your guest list to your DW, there will be many people who will have hurt feelings. When it gets out that certain people were invited to the DW, but they were not, they will think that they were not "good enough" to get an invitation. If planned poorly, your AHR will only seem like a gift grab.

Lalilala · December 2012

I considered doing the same, a destination wedding with closer family and a party at home.

You could wear white but not a gown or veil and it would be more like a kickass party and in some point saying "hey, did you knew we get married? We did it with few people due to logistics but you are important to our lifes and we wanted to celebrate the good news with you" but don't mention any other wedding-y thing.

A casual brunch is always a good idea but remember your wedding reception is the day you get married.

OwningAHome1981 · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_new-super-confused-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:35cb53dc-368f-4607-9101-778f6dc6e486Post:d82925f2-3b04-4f0b-95d6-eda8c423da0a">Re: New / Super Confused Bride!</a>:
[QUOTE]Your wedding reception is on your wedding day. This is the party/dinner you have after your ceremony and it is to thank your guests for coming to your ceremony. You can have a party anytime you wish, but any future party is NOT your wedding reception! It is simply a party to celebrate your marriage. No wedding dress or wedding related activities, but you can show your photos and videos from your wedding and honeymoon. You would send out invitation for this later party just like any other party. No STDs. It is NOT your wedding reception. You only get one of those, and it will have happened on your wedding day. Besides, it would be terribly rude to invite some people to a re-do reception (ugh!) and not your wedding ceremony! Don't expect gifts at this party. About engagement cards, those are a real faux pas! You never announce your engagement anywhere but in the newspaper, if there. Engagement cards (which do not really exist) would be rude and gift grabby.
Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]

What's the difference between an engagement card and a STD? Engagement cards seem kind of silly...

Kristin789 · December 2012

>>I plan on having a destination wedding and only inviting less that half of my guest list, then everyone will be invited to a big reception back home.

No, you invite everyone to the DW, because you want to be able to invite everyone to your party later on. (and as the previous posters have said, the party later on is NOT a wedding reception) If you don't invite them to the wedding, they will feel that they are ONLY being invited to bring a gift to a gift collection party, with the wedding having happened earlier and they weren't invited.

>>Do I send out separate save the dates?

No. Everyone gets an STD so they can make travel plans if they are going.

>>Who gets invited to the engagement party?

The bride's parents host the first engagement party, to introduce the groom to the bride's extended family. The groom's parents host the second engagement party, to introduce the bride to the groom's extended family.

/>>Do I send out general "we're engaged cards?"

No.

OwningAHome1981 · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_new-super-confused-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:35cb53dc-368f-4607-9101-778f6dc6e486Post:a8828d01-8684-46da-9d2d-8b8020ae43a9">New / Super Confused Bride!</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi Everyone! Brand new Bride here! I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place! If anyone can help out with some answers I have that would be amazing! I plan on having a destination wedding and only inviting less that half of my guest list, then everyone will be invited to a big reception back home. Do I send out separate save the dates? Who gets invited to the engagement party? Do I send out general "we're engaged cards?" Thanks for any help I can get! - Mallory
Posted by Malzie13[/QUOTE]

You should invite the whole guest list, not half. Most likely half the list will come anyway. Destination weddings generally do not get as large of a turn out then a local wedding where you live. It's also not right to pick and choose who you want to come b/c that can be offensive. Some times you think a person will not come, and they DO end up coming. Just send to all- and I think you will wind up having half of the people actually attending anyway.

allelsefaild · December 2012

You could do what my cousin did. Him and his wife got married in Ireland and most of the family was unable to attend. The wedding and reception were both in Ireland, but a couple months later, they had a party in Ft. Lauderdale that everyone was invited to. Granted, everyone invited to the party was also invited to the wedding, but were simply unable to attend for various reasons (most being cost). They also expected no gifts and did not wear their wedding attire. So really it was just a huge party, and a lot of fun.

NOLAbridealmost · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_new-super-confused-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:35cb53dc-368f-4607-9101-778f6dc6e486Post:3b1e5fad-e6cf-4e7c-bda6-33690b12d03f">Re: New / Super Confused Bride!</a>:
[QUOTE]You could do what my cousin did. Him and his wife got married in Ireland and most of the family was unable to attend. The wedding and reception were both in Ireland, but a couple months later, they had a party in Ft. Lauderdale that everyone was invited to. Granted, everyone invited to the party was also invited to the wedding, but were simply unable to attend for various reasons (most being cost). They also expected no gifts and did not wear their wedding attire. So really it was just a huge party, and a lot of fun.
Posted by allelsefaild[/QUOTE]

This is great advice. OP, this is exactly how you properly do a smaller destination wedding with a bigger affair back home later. Invite everyone to both the DW/dinner and to the big party a few weeks later. Those who can't make the long trip will decline and can come to your big party,

When you do a DW you've GOT to provide a full meal at the reception immediately following. It's unacceptable to ask people to travel a long distance for your ceremony and then not host a full meal to thank them. It's the least you can do for their effort.

lynzeyk · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_new-super-confused-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:35cb53dc-368f-4607-9101-778f6dc6e486Post:a8828d01-8684-46da-9d2d-8b8020ae43a9">New / Super Confused Bride!</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi Everyone! Brand new Bride here! I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place! If anyone can help out with some answers I have that would be amazing! I plan on having a destination wedding and only inviting less that half of my guest list, then everyone will be invited to a big reception back home. Do I send out separate save the dates? Who gets invited to the engagement party? Do I send out general "we're engaged cards?" Thanks for any help I can get! - Mallory
Posted by Malzie13[/QUOTE]

<div>Hey Malzie13. I was in your exact same shoes a week ago. Here's my post.</div><div><a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_can-i-wear-my-wedding-dress-to-my-reception">http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_can-i-wear-my-wedding-dress-to-my-reception</a></div><div>
</div><div>At first I was very insulted by the comments and felt like I was being attacked because of my lack of knowledge on tradition but please, don't be-</div><div>In the end, My fiance and I agreed that upholding tradition was more important than an island wedding and decided that if we realllllly wanted the huge engagement party with all the flair (first dance, boquet toss, ect.), my fiance and I would have to get married and have the reception where we live and do a small celebration at the destination at a later time. </div><div>But, as I said, that was our decision that we made after sitting down and having a serious converstion about it. And I'm very glad for the direct advice I got, even though they were answering questions I did not ask. </div><div>I'm more excited than ever that my "big day" will be a big day, and not two seperate events.</div><div>
</div><div>I know I'm not really answering anything you asked. I'm mostly posting because I was in your shoes a week ago and wanted you to know to take this advise with a grain of salt as the truely loving gesture it is- no matter how it's been worded, they have each taken time to help someone they do not know.</div><div>
</div><div>What's most important is being united with the man you love. Don't lose site of that, no matter how you chose to celebrate.</div>

happywife2b · January 2013

Honey, you would do well to send engagement notices to everyone. Then, Save the Dates ONLY to people attending the wedding, and separate invites to the reception-goers back home with details like, "reception only," so they know not to expect a ceremony.

The whole thing about traditional wedding ettiquette is that it no longer applies in every situation. Many weddings are very unique and more memorable because of it. Instead of trying to accomodate the unhelpful ettiquette critique of lots of strangers on a wedding board, why not get a wedding planner to help you coordinate all of the special things you have planned? Your day doesn't just have to be one day, or one way. It can be anything you want. As long as you are happy!

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