Church issue

Pharo47 · March 2011

I know this has been discussed before but I was wondering if anyone had any advice. The church I really like is not going to allow any photography/video people beyond the last pew. How the heck are we going to get any photos of our faces??? Also, the church I liked is way more expensive than any other church I've seen. It kind of sounds sick, but can you negotiate with a church on its price??

Thanks!

Laurms15 · March 2011

How much are they charging and what church is it?

As for photos, most churches don't allow that. My photog didn't get that close thats why they have those fancy telaphoto lenses and things that help them zoom in on whats happening up there.

mbcdefg · March 2011

By "last pew," do you mean the one closest to the altar, or the one all the way in the back? How big is the church? Talk to your photographer and see if this will be a problem for him/her. In many cases it is not a big deal.

As for the price, what are they charging? Churches can't run for free ... like any venue, they need to pay their bills. And many times, if you price out a church against a secular venue, the church is actually LESS expensive (since in other venues you'd need to pay for chairs, decorations, an officiant, musicians, you'd have to keep an indoor location on standby if you wanted an outdoor wedding, etc.).

If you want an honest opinion - unless you are truly hard up for cash, I think it's pretty crass to try and talk a church down on their fees. If you're looking to cut down the budget, you should first be cutting things like limos, attire, flowers, etc.

Do you attend this church? Ultimately, you need to feel comfortable and spiritual in a church to marry there, not pick it based on photography issues or the price.

Pharo47 · March 2011

The church is costing $1500. It was $500 more than the last two churches I talked to so that's why I was a little stunned. Unfortunately the church I have been attending for the last 20 years is too far away from my venue and will be going through a renovation at the time of our wedding.

It's a beautiful Presbyterian church (we do not attend a Presbyterian church) and it's only five minutes from my venue. I was leaning towards it because I have concerns with the traffic since I'm getting married on the friday of Labor Day weekend. There were no churches exactly like ours back home in the area so that's why we were looking at alternatives.

By last pew, I mean the back of the church. The aisle is 76 feet long based on the information that the pastor sent me. I felt that the negotiating part would be uncouthe so that's why I asked everyone about it. I just wasn't expecting them to be 50% more than every other place I saw.

Thanks

Pharo47 · March 2011

The church is pretty wide and holds a good amount of people. I probably won't have more than 100 people at the ceremony and it will most likely be less than that. The other church I talked to would allow the photographer to go up the sides of the church as long as they didn't get to a point that would be distracting. Plus there would be any people even sitting that far out to the sides.

Laurms15 · March 2011

I wonder if it has anything to do with you not being a member of the church?

mbcdefg · March 2011

Does the $1500 include pre-marital counseling, music and/or the minister's fee?

Look at it this way ... many venues charge you $5-10pp to have the ceremony on-site. Then you would have to hire a DJ or band to play for the ceremony, and you'd have to hire a minister or secular officiant to perform the ceremony. That's probably more than $1500 right there. And if you married at the reception venue, you might require more flowers or decorations (archway, aisle runner, etc.) than you'd want at the church.

37 Butter Knives · March 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.weddings.com/Sites/Weddings/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_church-issue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:a8fe0fa1-0744-43c5-8736-4363c24662a1Post:513f1846-23eb-4ec0-a05c-69591697c3a1">Re: Church issue</a>:
[QUOTE]Does the $1500 include pre-marital counseling, music and/or the minister's fee? Look at it this way ... many venues charge you $5-10pp to have the ceremony on-site. Then you would have to hire a DJ or band to play for the ceremony, and you'd have to hire a minister or secular officiant to perform the ceremony. That's probably more than $1500 right there. And if you married at the reception venue, you might require more flowers or decorations (archway, aisle runner, etc.) than you'd want at the church.
Posted by mbcdefg[/QUOTE]

I know a lot of people who have their ceremony and reception at the same venue say it's a better deal because you don't have to pay for limos (this was actually mentioned yesterday in the "do I need limos if I'm doing everything at the venue" thread). But you made a great point - the $1,200 or so that you're saving on limos would end up being used on the ceremony.

So for the most part, it's pretty much a wash. Getting married is expensive. ;)

Pharo, did either of you go to a college in the area? If so, maybe you could use their chapel. Also, I don't know if they exist, but maybe there are nondenominational chapels out there that are open to the public?

bereasonable2 · March 2011

$1500 seems like a lot just to use the church for a ceremony!

Pharo47 · March 2011

Yes, it includes the premarital counceling and the organist and vocalist. The pastor wants to meet with us at least 5 times before the wedding so I guess when you break it all down I can see where the cost starts to rise.

gymchick05 · March 2011

That cost is very similar to what our church charges (we get a bit of a discount because we are members and go to church every Sunday), but keep in mind, some of the amount you pay to the church is a "donation" which means is tax deductible

Our church also has rules that the photographer cant move, has to stay in the back, etc, etc. Talk w your photographer about it and maybe even bring them to look at the church. Also, after, our priest allows us to "reinact" certain parts if the photographer couldnt capture it (not a great alternative, but its something). And if you have a videographer, they can usually set up a tripod closer.

Pharo47 · March 2011

Unfortunately, I did not go to college in the area. I went to Rutgers in New Brunswick and my venue is near Hackensak. Fairleigh Dikinson is near the area. Do they have a nice chapel? I found one building on their website but it just looked like a house.

As far as a tax deduction. The fees are broken down between the church fee, pastor fee, music etc. Would the church fee be the donation?

The ceremony space in my venue will be too tiny in my opinion. I don't think it'll leave enough room for chairs, a platform and space for the photographer and video people. So that means I need expenses for limos and the church...ouch

kristen8040 · March 2011

Our church was $500, Organist $250, pre-cana $150. So it definitely gets up there. I've heard of some photogs that "recreate" the ceremony for pictures when everything is done. Personally I wouldn't like that option but it might work for you.

bereasonable2 · March 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_church-issue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:a8fe0fa1-0744-43c5-8736-4363c24662a1Post:10c285a8-6506-4e4f-bcd8-7ec9895a28a4">Re: Church issue</a>:
[QUOTE]Our church was $500, Organist $250, pre-cana $150. So it definitely gets up there. I've heard of some photogs that "recreate" the ceremony for pictures when everything is done. Personally I wouldn't like that option but it might work for you.
Posted by kristen8040[/QUOTE]

This seems a little bit more reasonable. I was going to be in for a shock! 1500 to use a church.

mcjays · March 2011

I know it's probably different but we're getting married in a Catholic Church and it's a "suggested donation." For your church, is it an absolute cost or is it a 'suggested donation'? Are there any other churches in the area?

Pharo47 · March 2011

Here are the fees. Minister seems to be more expensive than the norm and they have a fee for the wedding hostess. Total is $1475

Church Fees - $500
Minister - $400
Organist - $300
Soloist - $100
Wedding Hostess - $175

cutiepie12702 · March 2011

I am Catholic and FI is Jewish so we are having a priest and rabbi and we are spending $1,000 for the two of them just to show up. Then it's like another $500 for the ceremony at our venue, plus musicians, etc. So yeah, $1,500 is a lot but it's not completely unheard of.

futuremrsdavies · March 2011

My church including pre-cana is $900-1000. And I know I have to get limos on top of it, but my reception cite is $4 pp (600) and $400 for the officiant, and thats not including music, decor, flowers.

Pharo47 · March 2011

The majority of the churches in the area are Catholic so there aren't a ton of alternatives. We come from a simple bible church and we aren't really comfortable with some of the churches that have a more formal "ritual" type sermons. Heck, our churches uses powerpoint presentations during sermons.

It's like taking a college course.

mbcdefg · March 2011

Have you done a Google search for non-denominational chapels, or Unitarian Universalist churches?

Little Spitfire · March 2011

I can't get past the "last pew" business. That seems really extreme. We had about 140 people at our ceremony and they didn't take up 76 feet for sure - why won't the church at least let the photographer go up the sides or to the last full pew?

Pharo47 · March 2011

Thanks mbcdefg. There is another church that is slightly further away from where I was originally looking that may work. I appreciate the help. It didn't come up in my original searches.

cindy9178 · March 2011

As far as the last pew being too far away, first I'd check with your photographer. Let them know the distance and see what they say.. they might be fine - that is what the telescopic lenses are for. Also, does the church have any kind of balcony in the back that the photographer can use?

As for the price of the church, that seems high to me, our total is $750 for the church and I thought that was overpriced..but I guess not! Being that you are not a member, they might be charging you more - some churches do that - some don't.

I attended FDU and as far as I know, they do not have a chapel, unless one was built in the last 8 years (wow, I've been out of college that long? I'm old, lol).

We considered having the ceremony at our venue, because they have a chapel, but they charge a $750 fee to use it, and we then would've had to hire a minister (no idea how much they cost). We still would've been using a limo to get there, so we wouldn't have saved that money. Then we'd still need music and decorations.

The $750 we are paying goes to the church, day of coordinator, organist and cantor (different amounts). Plus we paid $75 for our Pre-Cana program/workbooks.

Does your venue have a ceremony location and would you consider using it? How much do they charge to use it, and how much would it cost to hire someone to marry you? That might be an option if you are ok with getting married outside of the church.

Pharo47 · March 2011

Our venue has a ceremony space but it's really just an open room. Frankly, I think it may be too tight to fit everyone in there and have enough room to add decorations and maybe a platform to elevate us a little higher so people can see. Cost was only like $250 since the room is not really a ceremony space.

gymchick05 · March 2011

Pharo- where is your reception taking place? Maybe we can recommend some chapels in the area?

Pharo47 · March 2011

il Villaggio in Carlstadt, NJ. So Rutherford, hackensak and those areas would be good too since they are all within close proximity. I'm just really nervous about traffic in that area. I heard they are doing construction on Rt. 3 now. I live 45 minutes away so I'm having trouble trying to figure out how long it will take everyone to move around that day. I'm sure there will be a lot of traffic on the Friday of Labor Day weekend especially with a Turnpike exit so close.

I just have concerns with a church that is going to force me to get baptized and take communion. I know this sounds weird but it would take a long personal discussion as to why I haven't done these things. I'm not against these things but I want to partake in them when i've made appropriate changes in my life.

Thanks!

wallyworld81 · March 2011

Pharo- I have a feeling you are getting married at the same church i am based on the breakdown of your fee...is it the first presby church at the triangle? If so, don't worry about your pictures. If you have a professional photographer they will have the right lenses to be able to capture great close up shots from behind that last pew. the length of the church isnt even that bad compared to some huge catholic churches i have been in where the last pew thing would NEVER work. Talk to Pete the next time you meet with him and see if he will allow your photographers to sit in the curved pews on the sides of the main aisle. He is REALLY nice and seems like he would make many accomodations to make you happy. Plus what if you didnt have thier organist and singer? we are having a guitar and violin duo thats costing about half of thier organist and soloist.

and i know im going to get so blasted for this, but even if Pete didnt let you have your photographer sit on the side curved pews the pictures after the ceremony are going to be amazing. we picked this church because of the picture possibilities!

wallyworld81 · March 2011

oh, and Pastor Pete isnt going to make you get baptized or take communion. I'm lutheran and my fiance is catholic and hes not making us do anything like that to get married in the church. the meetings with him are just like talks....like getting to know one another. He's a little quirky but really the nicest guy, and we have never felt any pressure from him at all during the talks about any of our decisions, which im SURE would have been a different case in pre-cana classes.

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