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HELP Friend thinks she is in Wedding Party but isn't...

CMM724CMM724 member
10 Comments
in New York-Upstate
Last year I casually mention to my friend I might have her in my wedding (pre-engagement).  But she has said and done a few things that have made me change my mind.I just got engaged last week (while on vacation) and she has been telling people she has wedding planning to do when I got back from vacation and that she is def. in the bridal party!  I think this is going to be tough telling her she isn't.  We are keeping it to family members on both sides.  What is the best way to let her down?
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Re: HELP Friend thinks she is in Wedding Party but isn't...

  • notquiteblushingnotquiteblushing member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    That's tough but just don't say anything about the wedding party to her.  Have you set a date yet (congrats on your engagement!)?  And if she asks you directly just be honest and say you are keeping it small.  Good luck!
    TTC since 07/11 Me: 32 AO PCOS/DH: 32 Lowish count/motility IUI#1-3 = BFN (Clomid, Clomid-->Femara, Injects) IVF#1 ER on 9/24 19 ER/19 M/9 F w/ICSI Transferred a 5AA and a 5BB on 9/29 Beta 10/9 = 139 Beta 10/11 = 287
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  • CMM724CMM724 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Thanks!  We are thinking Summer 2011.  As to the issue that sounds like great advice!  Hopefully it works.  I can always ask her to read or something at the wedding right?(Love Adventures in Babysitting!!)
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  • notquiteblushingnotquiteblushing member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Oh then you have plenty of time to ask them.  There's a unwritten rule not to ask anyone to be in your bridal party until you're a year out because friendships can change etc. Also I kept my party to family and one friend so I hear you on the decisionmaking process, you don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.  And you can definitely include other people as readers and bringing up the gifts (if you're having a mass).
    TTC since 07/11 Me: 32 AO PCOS/DH: 32 Lowish count/motility IUI#1-3 = BFN (Clomid, Clomid-->Femara, Injects) IVF#1 ER on 9/24 19 ER/19 M/9 F w/ICSI Transferred a 5AA and a 5BB on 9/29 Beta 10/9 = 139 Beta 10/11 = 287
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  • prncsstpprncsstp
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Why on earth would you tell someone they would be in your wedding before you were ever even engaged?! At any rate, explain to her the new situation, just as you have explained it to us - "we are keeping the wedding party to family members only" BUt if you tell that to her, then make sure to keep it that way... dont start inviting friends to be in the wedding party. If she is still your friend - why not include her in some other way - a reader, maybe? Also, she is prob excited for you, and if you need the help, and she wants to help, let her help with some planning items with you!
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  • annabear07annabear07
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I think this will not be too difficult since you are sticking to just family members.  As she is not a family member she isn't in the wedding party.  If the question comes up, be honest and say that the wedding party is going to be family members, but that you would love for her to be part of the wedding in another way.  You definately can have her read, pass out programs, or be a wedding day host (female usher kinda thing).  GL!  And congratulations!!
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  • CMM724CMM724 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I never officially asked her before I was engaged.  It was one of those we were talking about who we would have if we ever did get married. But thanks for the suggestion of asking her to have another role in the wedding.
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  • iamjoesgurliamjoesgurl member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    I would be careful about asking anyone to be in the WP yet.  In the past year you thought about asking this friend but now you are not planning to include her in the WP.  What if you change your mind again?  I would wait a while before asking anyone and if she brings it up, I would tell her that you have not asked anyone yet, but that you and FI have talked about including just family.  This might be a tough conversation, but hopefully she will be understanding.
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  • CMM724CMM724 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Well, we are both pretty sure of the family members we will be asking (3 on each side, plus flower girl - all family).  I see your point on waiting.  Yes, I hope it goes over well with the friend in question...we shall see.Thanks all for the advice.
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