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Step-Dad problems

sah5052sah5052
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in Wedding Etiquette Forum
I'm not sure if this is the right place to be posting this but this board seems to be the most popular and I'm looking for as much advice as I can get!My parents split when I was 8 years old (I'm now 22). My mother was in a relationship soon after my parents split up and she married the new guy when I was 11. So my step- dad has been around forever it seems like and has been there for me through everything. I am still extremely close with my father though. I basically have the best of both worlds being 2 Daddy's Little Girls. So the problem...Everyone seems to insist that I have both, my dad and step-dad, walk me down the aisle. I feel that it will hurt my dads feelings since he does not like my step-dad. I recently saw where a step father walked a daughter down halfway and then the father walked her down the rest of the way but I feel that the big moment is when everyone first sees the bride with her father.  I also thought of having my Dad walk me down the aisle and then just have 2 father/daughter dances. But I want both of them to feel as if they had a special part in my special day.Any advice on what would be the best way to go about this and not hurt anyone's feelings?
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Re: Step-Dad problems

  • tidetraveltidetravel member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments
    If you are close to your bio dad, then give him the traditional honor.  It sounds like you were able to maintain a good relationship with him after your parents split.  Talk to your stepdad - I think your stepdad would be honored to simply be a guest; make sure to include him in family portraits.
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  • greentree_mlbgreentree_mlb member
    First Comment
    I would have my bio dad walk me down first since he was there in the start then half way have my step dad lead me from there.Just my thought
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  • Kati0105Kati0105
    1000 Comments
    FI essentially has two "moms" similar to your two dads.  He is going to do the mother-son dance with his biological mom and we are going to have his stepmom do a reading at the ceremony.  Both will have corsages also.
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  • sunflower1998sunflower1998
    Fifth Anniversary 100 Comments
    Ditto PP.  If you'd like to, I would involve your step-dad in another way.  Perhaps he can perform a reading or offer a blessing on behalf of he and your mom.   
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  • lauralaurlauralaur member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    I personally would have my father walk me down the aisle. I'd also have him do the father-daughter dance with me. Yes, your step-father is special to you, but your father is your father and if he has always loved and supported you, then I would give him the traditional roles. That doesn't mean that you can't involve or honor your step-father in some way. He could read at the ceremony, he could give a toast at the reception if he would like, you can dance with him to a song that you've both picked out, but I wouldn't do it in a spotlight-only two people on the dance floor kind of way.I don't know. I think there's no good way to include your step-father in the traditional fatherly roles without hurting your father's feelings. Your step-father may be hurt, but your father's your father. I just don't know how to better explain my opinion/feelings on the situation.
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  • tidetraveltidetravel member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments
    Laura said what I was trying to say a little better. I'm sure your stepdad is important to you, but I would imagine (hope) he also realizes that he is your stepdad.  I don't think that he would expect to perform any of the "traditional" fatherly roles in the wedding since your father has obviously been active in your life - it may even be awkward for him.  He will feel like a part of your day just by being there.  You don't need to "honor" everyone with special roles to make them feel special.
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  • ac_in_dcac_in_dc member
    2500 Comments
    I think lauralaur's right.  A reading or a toast are a good idea for your stepdad.  Do what you can, too, to express to him how much he means to you.  
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  • kmmssgkmmssg mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Please don't have your dad walk you the first half and than hand you over to your stepfather to escort you the rest of the way.  Youngest Stepdd wanted DH to do that - BROKE HIS HEART.  Why would you hand your daughter over to another man to escort her to her new husband when you have a great relationship?  Please don't do that. Personally I would let your dad walk you down the aisle and then split the dance in half with each of them.
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