step parent drama

Eileen O'Hara · July 2009

first of all, i have no idea where to post this! (so don't yell at me). lolmy fiance and i have an issue with family photos. His dad and my mother both remarried. I have an AWFUL relationship with my stepfather, we haven't said a complete sentence to eachother for over a year. We just do not like each other, plain and simple. His relationship w/ his sepmother is a little less severe but pretty tense. I was thinking about just having my biological parents in the photos, but i don't want to cause waves w/ my mother. I am not willing to take a photo with this man since he is so disrespectful. Do you ladies think i should just skip the family photo section all together? Or just go with the bio parent idea? thank you for all your help!

Mrs.B6302007 · July 2009

These step parents are married to your biological parents. You can't exclude them from family pics.Do some of both.

katherine.long · July 2009

I understand where you're coming from...my stepmother and I don't get along either. However, I definitely think you should still have family photos taken. You might regret it later if you don't and there's no turning back. I think the best thing to do is take some pictures with the spouses and some without. That's what my sister did and it worked out great because it kept my dad and stepmother happy and kept the drama at a minimum on the big day; yet, my sister still had the other photos of just our biological family. I plan on doing this as well, and I am letting my photographer know ahead of time by talking with him and giving him a list of family combinations I'd like. The good thing is that these days, with digital cameras, you will have plenty of pictures to choose from and you might not even have to purchase the ones with your stepfamily in them. Of course, it might not be a bad idea to include just a few in your album to prevent more hurt feelings since they will probably be seeing the final product also! :-) P.S. I'm actually glad you posted this because it's nice to know someone who is in the same boat as myself! Thank you!

dsouldiva · July 2009

I don't see why you can't have a picture of you and your Fi (Husband) with mother and father of the Bride and Groom and then have another photo with immediate family (including Stepmother & Stepfather). i don't see how that's being rude, these people are your parents new husband/wife, they are not your parents. This way you aren't excluding them.

kmmssg · July 2009

If you have pics with just your parents, and then a few with the stepparents, you don't have to cause a war with your mom or his dad about excluding the spouses. Remember - those pictures never have to see the light of day and they will prevent the repercussions of excluding the stepparents, which could last for years.

trix1223 · July 2009

You'll regret not having family photos taken. Perhaps not the day of your wedding, but at some point you will.Suck it up for a day, and have a couple of pictures taken. You don't have to buy them. You don't have to put them in an album. You don't have to look at them. But this is your mom's husband. Out of respect for your mom (and his dad) you can stand for one photo.

LesPaul · July 2009

just put them on the ends and crop them out. just kidding - I like the 'with and without' plan, as it should satisfy everyone and not hurt any feelings.

Spim7 · July 2009

If you have a really good photographer he can get some great candid shots of family (especially if you speak with the photographers and let them know the situation beforehand) You can also put that control in the photographers hands let them organize who's in the formal shots and they should be able to find a way to make it work without it being your responsibility or hurting anyone's feelings.

nbelusar · July 2009

I have stepparents and luckily I get along with both. But if I was in your position, I would take pictures with your bio dad and you and then your bio mom and you. Not your bio dad, you and your bio mom. That would like a desperate attempt for a family reconciliation. If your stepparents and you have that bad of a relationship then they should understand that having them in a picture with you would be fake and insincere.

nbelusar · July 2009

Oh yeah, and don't listen to all those "suck it up" posts. It is about you and your fiance and that means whatever you say goes. Being mindful of your family is very important but since you say your stepparents are "disrespectful" to you then they don't deserve any special treatment on your day.

kmmssg · July 2009

Not your bio dad, you and your bio mom. That would like a desperate attempt for a family reconciliation. I disagree with this one. If they get along and will do it, it's fine. ex'h and I were adamant that if DD wanted a pic of us without our spouses as a "family" pic, she would have it. My dh and wife were fine with it and there was no desperate attempt at reconciliation.

Eileen O'Hara · July 2009

thank you for all your posts! my bio parents are on relatively good terms so i don't think it'll be an issue for the to take pics together. as for my stepdad....sdisrespectful is n under statement, so i ill talk to my FI and see what he thinks. i do like the seperate pic idea and just not using them.

step parent drama

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