Parents Meeting: Neutral Ground?

bel138 · July 2009

Since we've been engaged for, oh, two years now, our parents have finally run out of excuses to avoid meeting. Mine are heading out to the wedding town (FI's home town) with us to taste cake. They've both agreed to meet and eat dinner. FMIL is insisting (to me) to make dinner and invite my parents and three younger brothers who still live at home. I told her as nicely as possible that I thought we would be going out to eat. I feel like parent meetings for the first time should be in a "neutral" location, like a restaurant. Especially because I feel like they won't like each other and having it at FIL's house might get awkward.What do you think?

whitsy · July 2009

I think a restaurant would be fine, but then you need to work out beforehand who is going to pay for what. I can see the situation getting really awkard, unless everyone just agrees to pay for themselves. But knowing my parents, they'd offer to pay, then FI's parents would feel bad, blah blah. It's funny that there has been a couple posts on this today. Our parents have never met and probably won't til the wedding day; it's just funny because it's not something either side is concerned with, and we don't really care either.

Soon-to-be Mrs. Vogt · July 2009

I think that's a good idea. Then everyone is on equal ground. I'm always nervous when I go into someone's house I'm meeting them for the first time (forget the awkward FIL stress). Just use your parents as the excuse - they're looking forward to eating at that restauarant or something

lyndausvi · July 2009

Our mom's met at my shower which was at my sister's home. I really do not see the big deal having it your FI's home. Actually I think it's pretty nice.

bel138 · July 2009

I was suggesting restaurant with the intent of FI and me paying for everyone.

ggmae · July 2009

I think you are over-thinking it. Try to have positive thoughts about it too because if you go into it thinking negatively then you won't enjoy yourself.

betrothed123 · July 2009

I'm pretty sure the first time FIL met my parents we were at my parents house right after my shower, so I don't really see the need for "neutral ground." My feelings on it is if everyone involved is an adult, even if they don't like each other they'll be able to be civil to each other for the length of the visit.

tortis · July 2009

Why do you feel like they won't like each other? I was slightly nervous about this as well when our parents first met, just because they are all so different, but it ended up going extremely well. That being said, we did go to a restaurant. Fi's parents were in our hometown (Fi moved here for work and lives here now) and have eaten at a particular restaurant before and loved it. We decided to go there and it worked out really well. I agree with PP that saying your parents had heard about a certain restaurant and wanted to try it would be a nice way to sidestep the issue without hurting FMIL's feelings.

LauraT25 · July 2009

I think that the 'neutral ground' concept is a good idea if you think they might not get along. I feel overwhelmed sometimes meeting people at their houses, and often these 'meetings' run much longer than dinner at a restaurant would because there doesn't seem to be a good excuse to get out of there (depending on the hosts).I love my FILs, but remembering our first meeting, I would never have my mom meet them at their house. Ever. I know that it's sweet of FMIL to offer to make dinner, but it just doesn't work for all family dynamics.

bel138 · July 2009

I don't think they'll like each other because FFIL has actually said to me, "I really don't like your father," just from me talking about him. So.....

lyndausvi · July 2009

really? wow Then have it on neutral ground.. Just come up with a good excuse that FMIL will not get hurt.

tortis · July 2009

Wow. No offense but your FFIL sounds a bit rude. I would be nervous as well too, and sad that someone said that about my father before even meeting him. In that case, I understand your wanting it to be on neutral ground. I would do the same thing.

bel138 · July 2009

Actually, I don't blame FFIL. I don't like my dad most of the time either.

LauraT25 · July 2009

Well that totally sucks for you, but a restaurant sounds like the best plan. You can cut it short if they hate each other, or they can get coffee/dessert and chat if they end up hitting it off. Also, everyone can order what they want - I know that my mom wouldn't like most of the things that FMIL cooks, which could create a lot of tension. Plus FMIL always offers to cook for family events and then gets SO stressed out about it, so it's just not worth it! I hope they end up getting along though

yuodelj · July 2009

Mine remained civil. My mom and FMIL don't really "get along" but they are civil no matter where they are....

tortis · July 2009

After reading your responses and others, I agree that a restaurant is the best idea. Are there any restaurants in Fi's hometown that you particularly like? I would start talking up a restaurant to my mom and dad and then say to FMIL that they are really looking forward to trying that restaurant but the next time they are in town they would love to have dinner at her house.

ootmother2 · July 2009

I agree with pps about neutral ground after the remark your FFIL made.Relax, they don't have to love each other. Just tolerate

birdcagebride · July 2009

I think a restaurant is a great place. We actually had our parents meet for the first time at our place...which I consider neutral ground as well.

shanwalk2 · July 2009

my parents (mom espeically) would be very uncomfortable going to DH's parents house. Not sure why... she just is. They've met several times (generally big occassions with school/my dance) and we always go out to eat together. They've yet to go to eachother's homes -- and honestly, I doubt they ever will.

iamjoesgurl · July 2009

FI and I have been together 2 1/2 years and engaged for almost 1. Our parents met last weekend for the first time. We all went out to dinner and it was really nice. I didn't ever really think of it as neutral ground, but I guess in retrospect, it was a good idea. One funny thing is that my mom had mentioned that she'd like to look at the desserts (just look) and then when the bill came, FFIL handed it right to my mom. She thought he was expecting her to pay for everyone and he thought it was the dessert menu, not the bill. It was a very awkward moment, but I think that we will always look back on it and laugh.

betrothed123 · July 2009

Ditto Karen. Are you talking crap about your father to your FFIL? That's almost guaranteed to cause problems.

Parents Meeting: Neutral Ground?

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