Advice?FH is confusing me!

kainimura · July 2009

So, we get married on sep 4th of 2010. I'm already starting planning, because I know if I don't start NOW, I'll end up getting in way over my head and having a panic attack.So I ordered the first set of STD postcards, and I keep waiting for my FH to give me the addresses of his friends! Most of which he works with, and can contact via phone, email or FaceBook. Every week I ask and every week I get nothing in return. I'm worried that I won't have the addresses I need in two months. I'd love to get these all bought and mailed out in two months, sine we have people coming in from out of area/out of state. and a few who need to book flights.And the second worry of mine. I would LOVE to go on a honeymoon. A nice little trip even if it's just for the weekend. that is JUST me and him. However getting him to talk about it is.. diffcult. He instead is booking hotel rooms for a comic book con in oct. and there's another he attends in aug.. So I'm HOPING I can talk him out of going to that one next aug *he didn't go this year* because he'd need those days off for the wedding. *He works at a hotel in the banquet room area, he's a manager-type.. except he actually sets up things and has to serve to barkeep work*I just wish he'd take the same excitement he has towards his comic book con, and put it towards our honeymoon. (Which I would like it to be at gettysburgh, PA or Busch Gardens, VA, something small and can be done in a weekend). I guess I'm mostly upset because he originially asked me to got o the con with him..Then it became him, me, and his friends back where he grew up... then him me, his friends.. and two friends who will be there anyway. most likely all in two hotel rooms... Which means me stuck in a small space with people I don't know *and most are not even invited to the wedding*. When I was under the originial impression that it'd be just me and him. Not all these other people in the same room, with the likelyhood of me and him getting stuck on the floor to sleep. With no private time what so ever.I just want so bad to go on a little trip that is JUST me and him, away from home, without any of his friends, or my friends involved at all!

Beadlz · July 2009

First off I wouldn't send the STD's (hehehe...That acronym always makes me giggle) till about 6-8 months prior. Even with all the OOT guests, if you send them too early people will forget.To be honest most of this just sounds like stuff you guys need to sit down and talk about together. For the most part guys work differently, and while there are always exceptions, the truth is that no one will be as excited as you are about the wedding. My FI is the same way about video games. He could care less if we go on a honeymoon (which we aren't), but would shake with excitment over the release of a new RPG.

brynhild · July 2009

Sounds like you are panicking a bit already. No reason to, since you have plenty of time. You can see from the checklist tool that there are many things to do, but since you start a year in advance you actually have time to follow it fairly well, so there won't be a suffocating amount of things to do within to short a time frame. STDs can be sent out next Spring sometime around Easter and I'm sure you'll get the addresses before that. If you bug your FI about it once a week over six months in advance he'll flip out. Chill

You can't compare wedding planning to his dear hobby, which probably has followed him for years already. You have a new "hobby", but if you expect him to feel the same about it, I think you'll have trouble. My FI has taken interest in some details, but when I've talked about others he's just zoned out. Don't force it on him if he doesn't want to talk about it! If you want something small for the honeymoon than can be done in a weekend, I'm sure you'll be able to push the planning a bit more into the future. What I'd focus on if I were you are the ceremony and reception locations if you will have such. Finding places you like that are within your budget is much more important right now imo. Now there's still time to be picky while other brides haven't even begun to plan. As far as your FI's old friends goes - well, just because they aren't invited to the wedding doesn't mean you wouldn't enjoy their company. If your FI swings well with them chances are you will too. Did he say it out loud that it would be just the two of you at the con or did you assume this? No matter what I'd make an effort on getting to know his friends who obviously mean a lot to him. If it makes you uncomfortable living in the same room as the friend's, then book another for the two of you maybe. I suggest you take a deep breath, think a bit about things and try to view them from his perspective too. And then sit down for a calm discussion where both parties are allowed to talk. GL!

kebmtm071605 · July 2009

Wait on the STDs, unless you are in a place where hotels book up 100% 6-12 months before the wedding. Send them around the 8 month point. I know you're excited and anxious, but WAIT...a lot can change between then and now, and you may need to/want to change your guest list (e.g., scale back, a new job would mean new co-workers, and friends do just drift apart sometimes). Once you send a STD, you are committed to sending an invitation...so you need to be CERTAIN when you send a STD. Sit down and talk to your fiance. He sounds a little too wrapped up in himself. If he won't sit and have a conversation with you (not just about the HM, b/c honestly, that can wait a while too, but about planning for the wedding/marriage), you need to work out communication issues/differences now. They will not change once you are married. If he refuses to talk with you...you have bigger problems.re: the convention, don't go if his friends are all going. By the time you're engaged, you have long since outgrown the time when it's acceptable for a couple to share a hotel room with other people/couples.

amblizman · July 2009

Your FH sounds like a 19 year-old frat boy.

betrothed123 · July 2009

Have you guys actually sat down and discussed these issues? I can see your point on the honeymoon, but maybe he's not interested in the 2 places you mentioned. Try to find somethign that would make both of you happy. Compromise is a huge part of marriage. Learn to do it now.You don't need addresses for at least 4 more months. Even if you sent them out in 2 months, there's a ton of time to get addresses. If you have a panic attack it's because you're causing yourself to stress over things way too early, so you're already fed up with it by the time the actual stress hits. Calm down a bit.

danieliza1127 · July 2009

It sounds to me like you are freaking out way too early for one thing. You still have two months to get the addresses you need. That is plenty of time. As far as the honeymoon, you just need to talk to him about it. Explain to him that going on a honeymoon is important to you, and while you understand that the comic book convention is important to him, you really feel like the two of you will need your own little getaway without other things to do and without other people. If he hears your wishes and concerns, and still chooses the comic book convention over a honeymoon with his own wife, I'd say you've got some big red flags there and might need to really think about who you're marrying and what you're getting yourself into.

ac_in_dc · July 2009

Listen to Dani, she is wise.

CubsGirl05 · July 2009

Ditto pp on the frat boy thing. You just need to tell your FI that you would like to take a trip-just the two of you as a mini honeymoon after the wedding. Tell him then you guys can plan something else to meet up with his old friends.

ffmaid · July 2009

First it is too early to send the STD because people will get confused with sept of this year Second sound slike FI has not had a say in teh date. You are planning a wedding that conflicts with one of his favorite things of the year a comic book conference. Now I donlt liek comic cons but iof it is and annual event you shoudl respect that and that should be reason enough for both of you to plan around his events. Is he on board with this wedding at all. Are you planning it with him. I think you need to sit down and talk to him about this because it sounds like you are planning a wedding for yourself that will annoy your fi. Instead plan both of you shoudl plan a wedding taht will make both of you happy which means not on a day that conflicts with standing yearly events and makes teh groom have no fun

pumpkinpumpkin · July 2009

1. It's WAY too early to send STDs. Think...about January/February 2010...that's plenty of time, even for those who are OOT.2. there's no such thing as a manager-type. 3. Maybe he's having a hard time focussing on a honeymoon because it's so far away yet. Relax about it. Seriously.

karenttrouble · July 2009

I don't understand. If you want to go on a trip for the two of you, plan one. I don't think comic book conventions are usually romantic trips. It doesn't sound like you're really into comics, so I think it would make more sense if you didn't go and he went with his friends. And why can't he go on trips with people who aren't going to the wedding? You should sit down with him and plan how vacation days will work next year, assuming he has a limited number.

danieliza1127 · July 2009

ffmaid makes excellent points too.

brynhild · July 2009

You're welcome. No need to shout though or did you think all the replies were total crap? My invitations go to eight countries on two continents and the guests thought it was great to receive their STD's around Easter. Wedding is on September 26.

kainimura · July 2009

? shout? caps =/= shouting all of the time. I used it in this case to show my immensise grattitude. I didn't think anything was crap *other then the silly 'frat boy ref'*.