I feel betrayed..

hisgoldeneyes · July 2009

I'm not sure if thats the right word to use but w/e here's the story. I thought I was catching wind from my bf that we was seriously looking at rings and I had a feeling it was going to come between the present and the end of the year. So after deliberating I told my best friend. thinking that like all best friend's she would be excited or w/e. She was upset because I was picking up on signs that he was looking or w/e and I told her it wasn't my fault that he was obvious and that I noticed certain things. Well usually when ppl try to plan surprises for me I notice because I'm observant not because I go looking to find out. So she started making me feel bad about how would he feel if he knew that I knew about the biggest surprise yet. And I told her I wasn't planning on telling him that I suspected anything. So I saw she wasn't excited or anything so I just tried to drop the subject. Fast forward a few days, I was at home w/ my BF waiting for above best friend and her BF to show up. All of the sudden my boyfriend turned to me all serious and asked me if I told best friend that I knew he was going to propose. WTF is that?!?! I denied denied denied told him it was a misunderstanding that I said I wanted him to. But what is that ?! Specifically after I told her not to say anything. I'm just really hurt because it bothered him so now I dont know if this will potentially delay it or w/e. I haven't said anything to her because I don't want to get into a fight but what would you guys do or what do you think? Sorry for the length!!

notquiteblushing · July 2009

Your friend sounds like a jealous biitch. That's all I got, sorry. And people that are all about being "SO suprised" are just a little silly. I mean really, did you think that one of the biggest decisions of your life was going to be made without you?

hisgoldeneyes · July 2009

Exactly plus my BF is captain obvious so I always knew it wouldn't be a total surprise. Plus what good is it to have a best friend if you can't confide in them. I learned my lesson I guess I wont be able to tell her anything anymore. Or at least not anything serious like this. I still can't believe she did that.

notquiteblushing · July 2009

Seriously...she probably ran straight to him so that he would defer his plans. But more importantly though, how did your boyfriend react? Have you guys talked about getting engaged in the near future?

LindaClaire · July 2009

right on NQB!hisgoldeneyes, eff that girl, she is not a true friend...and NQB is right when she says this is one of the biggest decisions you will face and it completely appropriate for you to have not only a heads up about the intended proposal, but also several discussions with your bf about getting married--whcih maybe you should try since it sounds like he was pissed that u suspected something whcih isnt the real issue, really he should have told your "best friend" to butt out cuz its none of her businasssand totally say something to her, "btw i know u betrayed my confidence and you can expect in the future that i wont be giving you another chance to do so"

hisgoldeneyes · July 2009

We've talked about getting engaged and married but we'll have a long engagement until we finish school. Which my friend thinks is stupid to be engaged for 2 years. Its what works for us. Anyways, he just seemed kinda upset that I knew it was coming and he started saying that he is going to have to wait a little longer because of the economy and his work not being too stable. I dont know if that is the case or not, I dont know if he was trying to sidetrack me but w/e. Since then work has stayed the same not better but not worse and he just now got an unexpected HUGE amount of financial aid. So like I said its all in the air right now. I dont even care anymore about when...thats not exactly 100% true but I care less. I'm right now just really bothered.

Button5807 · July 2009

Ditto what NQB said

cantblobubbles · July 2009

If I were you, she would be down to acquaintance rather than best friend. That is NOT best friend behavior. She should have been excited for you, jealous or not. The only problem you may run in to now is that you lied to your BF. You want to marry this man, but can't be honest with him? Be prepared for this to come back up again.

Acrosthec · July 2009

Agree with NQB on her feelings about your friend. In the future I'd just keep things you want secret from her.Denying it to your BF is totally different. You probably should've told him the truth. I doubt that him thinking you know would delay a proposal much longer than him actualy knowing you think it's going to happen soon. It's always best to be upfront. Saying "Well, I told her I thought you may be thinking about it, but that I didn't know when it was going to happen" wouldn't have been so hard, would've been the truth, and might've sparked a conversation that opened up the lines to a real communication on his timeline, and yours, that you could've benefitted from. Lying is never the way to handle things, especially with someone you plan to spend the rest of your life with.Your friend was out of line telling him what you asked her to keep secret, but when your BF confronted you about it, you shouldn't have lied. Just my opinion.

Acrosthec · July 2009

Bubbles~ apparently you and I are like this --> does fingers to eyes pointing thing.

Button5807 · July 2009

wow there was only 1 response when i posted...you guys have speedy fingers.If I was in your shoes I would sit down with you "best friend" and address the situation. What she did was pretty sneaky and not something you would expect out of a true friend. If you really think bringing it up is going to start a fight with her I'd say that's just a big red flag about the state of your friendship anyway.

hisgoldeneyes · July 2009

In retrospect I agree 100% with you guys about telling BF, but it was so out of no where and WTF at the same time that I swear I felt like a dear in headlights and thats the first thing that came out. I really just didn't want to confirm it to him that I thought I knew because I know he wants it to be a surprise and he's really bad at trying to keep things from me so I didn't want to make him feel worse. But w/e aside from this we're really honest with each other, like we usually tell each other everything. So I don't expect any real backlash from this. Regarding the friend I am not going to confront her because what for? And BF told me not to say anything either. So I'm just going to take this in stride and just keep it locked up for the future and remember to not tell her anything I don't want out in the open.

swim1011 · July 2009

Truthfully, she sounds jealous, plain and simple. Not sure if she's single, or if she just wishes her boyf would propose, but it's her problem. And she never should have run straight to your bf to tell him you thought he might propose. However, I would have been straightforward with him. Why lie? It's not like you were digging through his drawers, looking for a ring box or receipts. Tell him what you told us, that you noticed he was acting a little weird, or whatever.

jeanacorina · July 2009

Aww, poor BF. :(I was talking to a friend-type-person last night, and she apparently has "ring fever." I never heard it put like that before, but she's hoping her BF will propose soon since she's done with school, and I said "Oh, that's great! Josh and I have been looking at rings, too!"She thought I was NUTS for not wanting it to be a complete surprise. I said "So, you haven't discussed marriage with your BF?" and she says "No! Of course not! Where's the surprise in THAT?"Umm... okay.So, my point is, I feel bad for your BF because his bubble was burst (bursted? busted?), but it's something that you guys SHOULD at least be on the same page about timeline-wise.Your "friend" is a total jerk, though. Don't tell her anything else of importance and seriously reconsider BFF status.

hisgoldeneyes · July 2009

Yea after hearing all you guys say it I think I might bring it up to BF sometime soon and ask him what his schedule or at least what he hopes the schedule/timeline will be. We know when we'll be getting married I'm just waiting for the proposal. I told him I could care less about the proposal and I just wanted the 'ok we're engaged now' confirmation. But he's traditional to some extent and wants all the bells and whistles. I told him that if it was because of money to just go with a CZ but he again said no. So w/e lets see what he'll say. You guys are the best, I was worried that I was overreacting or something but I'm glad we all see this on the same page. Thanks. And btw, I know its a red flag about our friendship that I wont bring it up because I dont want to spark an argument, but she's the only person that I'm "friends" with and we already went through one of those friendship breaks I guess for like a year and a half. So I'm just going to take her for what she is and just accept it. I just wont be confiding in her like I used to.

jeanacorina · July 2009

It's really sad that the only friend you feel close to can't be trusted or confided in. I hope you meet an awesome REAL BFF soon so you can really enjoy having that kind of relationship.My REAL BFF is actually my cousin, who is a year older than me and lives in WV (where I grew up, which is far away). I may only talk to her once a month or so, but I can tell her anything, I can trust her with anything, and she always gives me the best, honest advice I need.I have "faux" friends who call me their BFF but who I can't really open up to the way I can to my cousin. I feel bad, but whatever. Eventually those relationships fizzle out on their own and we lose touch... it's happened before tons of times... but at least I have one person I can count on through thick and thin.Plus, she's related to me so she's kind of stuck with me anyway. :P

hisgoldeneyes · July 2009

Lol well I guess if you count family into the mix my mom is my real best friend i guess...omg CORNY lol. While I dont tell her intimate intimate details about me and my BF I tell her pretty much everything else. We're only 15 years apart so compared to most mother and daughters we can relate more. Plus we're both in school now so we support each other even more. I also am really good friends with my younger sister but she's 15 so I dont like telling her a lot of things either. So I suppose I'm not alone in the world and friendless. But in the sense of friends and BFF with my peers I guess I am? It really sucks but w/e.

notquiteblushing · July 2009

I'm having a friend drought lately too. At least local friends who aren't too busy/crazy. I'm thinking of starting a book club or something. But I hear ya on the needing someone to tell stuff to.

salt78 · July 2009

Woah what a biitch. I'd be majorly pissed off if I were you and I would definitely give her a WTF over it.

PandaBurr · July 2009

he started saying that he is going to have to wait a little longer because of the economy and his work not being too stable. Did nobody else notice this?

desmiaandmanly · July 2009

she's the only person that I'm "friends" with and we already went through one of those friendship breaks I guess for like a year and a half It's better to have no friends rather than a "best friend" who would treat you like that. Sometimes saying goodbye is the best thing you can do for yourself - and you never know who you will meet tomorrow.

skits_1 · July 2009

She is way out of line! I can only think that she is jealous of you - and her head is in the clouds if she thinks marriage should be a surprise!!! I had a ton of conversations with my FI about it before even gettign engaged. I mean we talked the issues to death! I'm like you and picked up on the small things and landed up telling a friend of mine I was excited he was going to propose. And her answer was something along the lines of "oh finally, are you sure??". I thought that was rude and realized that some friends can be trusted with this kind of info, and some not. Either way, your bf will surprise you be patient and don't talk to this girl about anything other than chit chat!

atobias1 · July 2009

and totally say something to her, "btw i know u betrayed my confidence and you can expect in the future that i wont be giving you another chance to do so" ^^Thiscouldn't have said it better!!

[Deleted User] · July 2009

This "best friend" is not really your best friend. That is immature and rude. I think she is acting out of jealousy! I feel like she is in the 7th grade and she ran and told your boyfriend you wanted to hold his hand. It is hard for me have confontation but you need to in this situation! You have to tell her that it really hurt you feelings and you don't appreciate that she told your man and it should make you really questions her motives and you friendship with her.

ffmaid · July 2009

Yes it was not BFriends place to say anything but you are the one who betrayed your boyfriend by lying to him. Sad Tell him the truth apologize and communicate

chicka_bonita9 · July 2009

Wow I agree with all of the above posts! I would not consider that BFF behavior at all. I hope you guys resolve this issue & you have a serious chat with this "friend" to let her know how this affected you &/or your relationship/engagement.

I feel betrayed..

Re: I feel betrayed..

Choose Another Board

Search Boards