Under 21 reception

dbisignaro · July 2009

So from the very beginning my parents and I decided that no one will be invited to the wedding unless they are 21 or older. On the inner envelope of each invitation I wrote each persons name out that was invited to the wedding. I have already got a response where they added a teenage. So my mom called them to tell them that their teenage is not invited bc it is a 21 and over reception. The guest said well you should have wrote on the invitation 21 and older so my mom feels bad. Should she? We made it clear in the beginning to all friends and family that no one over 21 is invited. Yesterday my grandmother called me because my Uncle wanted to know why his step daughter wasnt invited who is 20 and why she is invited to the shower. I am so upset about this how do I handle this? I do not want to be worried about this the day of the wedding.Thanks

vallyhoo · July 2009

Do you know when everyone turns 21, because what if I turn 21 the day before your wedding, can I come then?

diggitydog · July 2009

Is your wedding in da club? Why the age restriction? I find this slightly strange.

ggmae · July 2009

Well, it's pretty much common sense that names on invite = those invited. It's amazing that some people just don't get it. How can your mom write 21+ on the invites if they are already sent out? And in any case, it's poor etiquette to write anything to do with age on an invitation. You seem to have spread it through word of mouth which is fine, but don't let people make you feel bad. You did what you had to do.

Calypso1977 · July 2009

i think you made it clear to folks. just keep callign folks who add on.Uncle wanted to know why his step daughter wasnt invited who is 20 and why she is invited to the shower ^^this, however, is wrong. if kid wasnt invited to wedding, she shoudl nto have been invited to the shower.

mrsAE · July 2009

What is your reasoning for having that age limit? You are legally an adult at eighteen and if you are worried about drinking, it is the venue's responsibility to make sure people are ok. It is really crass to invite someone to the shower who isn't invited to the wedding, he is right to be upset.

betrothed123 · July 2009

You wrote your invitations correctly, so for that she should not feel bad. That having been said, your uncle's step daughetr shoudl nto have been invited ot the shower if she was not invited to the wedding.

ac_in_dc · July 2009

You shouldn't have invited the step-daughter to the shower if she wasn't invited to the wedding. It's your wedding, if you want it to be 21 and over you're welcome to do that! And there was no need to put that on the invitation, that's what the inner envelope is for. You can appologize to the folks that were bummed, but at this point it's too late to do much else...most people have to make cuts on their wedding list somewhere. Say you're sorry, move on, and enjoy your day!

ffmaid · July 2009

No stand firm on your over 21 now that you did it or you are being rude to those that were polite. Your 20 yr old cousin shoudl not have been invited to the shower when she was not invited to the wedding that was a rude mistake

pumpkinpumpkin · July 2009

her choices/reasons for the limit really don't matter. The fact of the matter is people are idiots. They don't understand that the names on the envelope are the ones invited.You will just have to stick to your guns.On another note - don't invite ANYONE to the shower who isn't invited to the wedding. Period.

diggitydog · July 2009

It may not matter why she has it over 21 but I can ask if I want top Pumpykins.

lauralaur · July 2009

You wrote and addressed your invitations properly. Writing "21 and over reception" on the invitation is in poor taste, and assumes that your guests wouldn't possibly understand invitation etiquette (although in your case it seems they don't, but it's still poor taste to assume that they won't

). However, it was not proper to invite the step-daughter to the shower as she is not invited to the wedding.

vallyhoo · July 2009

I don't think P2 was referring to you Diggity when she said 'idiots' - it sounds like you took it that way.Also, the person who hosted the shower for OP made the error on inviting the 20 y/o who was not invited to the wedding.

SarahSmile23 · July 2009

ditto pp's about the 20 yr old being invited to the shower but not the wedding. not ok!our wedding was 21+. we only had 1 person call and ask if she could bring her 12 year old daughter, and I simply explained that the invitation list was 21+. she was fine with it. we loved having a 21+ crowd!

angiebear11 · July 2009

No you shouldn't have said "21+ reception" on the invitation, but you are absolutely 100% wrong inviting your uncle's 20 year old step daughter to the shower and no the wedding.When I was 19 my cousin did this to me. I she didn't want "child" at her wedding, which I can understand, but when I got invited to the shower I thought "what the fucck, I'm old enough to buy her a gift and attend her shower, but I'm not old enough to attend her wedding." I didn't go to the shower and never sent a gift.

ggmae · July 2009

Oh wow. I missed the shower part. I agree with others that you can't invite someone to a shower but not the wedding. I would be upset and put off by that as well. It's like saying "You're good enough to come to the shower and bring a gift, but not good enough to attend the wedding."

cdeshane · July 2009

I don't agree with the 21 or older thing. I am 26 and have family and friends that are under 21 that I would not exclude because of their age. If you are worried about them trying to drink have a bartending service. We had to but it was worth it. Any liability of accidents on the way home was covered under the insurance they have to carry. It was one less thing that was my responsibility to track.

cdeshane · July 2009

Oh and the shower part is total BS, that's like saying you are good enough to give me a gift but not old enough to come to my wedding. I think that is kind of rude. Now if she were a tag along at a shower that is a different story. I had one person that wasn't invited show up but I ended up inviting her to the wedding. (Only because our numbers dropped.)

SarahSmile23 · July 2009

I am 26 and have family and friends that are under 21 that I would not exclude because of their ageThat doesn't mean we all, do though. Obviously, the op wouldn't have set the 21+ standard if she had people who were under 21 who she couldn't bear to exclude! I sure didn't!

pumpkinpumpkin · July 2009

I am 26 and have family and friends that are under 21 that I would not exclude because of their age.Then obviously YOU wouldn't have had a 21+ age limit. Just because it wouldn't work for you doesn't mean it wouldn't work for anyone else.I can't believe the amount of posts in here "flaming" (lack of better word) her decision to have the age limit. Who cares?? I feel sorry for this poster, actually.

danieliza1127 · July 2009

You did it the right way by just listing the names of the people invited and you handled it the right way by having your mom call the person who wrote in an uninvited teenager. When you make a decision to have an adults only wedding, you should make that decision knowing that it might upset some people or it might make some people decide not to come. That's just the way it goes.Only people invited to the actual wedding should be invited to the shower. If your 20 year old cousin isn't invited to your wedding, she shouldn't be invited to your shower or bachelorette party.

danieliza1127 · July 2009

I can't believe the amount of posts in here "flaming" (lack of better word) her decision to have the age limit.Agreed. Whenever someone chooses an adult reception, they have to set an age limit somewhere. She chose 21, big deal. I hate how posts about adult receptions always turn into everyone trying to convince the OP as to why they should have invited kids. Some people don't want kids there, some do. Whatever.

dbisignaro · July 2009

I did not mean to invite her to the shower. There was a mistake on thelist. When I first sent the list to my MOH she was on bc my family thoughtshe was going to be 21 by then and could attend the wedding but mygrandmother was wrong and so I sent the new list to my MOH and she must havenot changed it.

diggitydog · July 2009

I wasn't flaming, just asking why 21. usuallty when you hear an adult only reception is 16 or 18. I was just curios. Good Lord, people gwt flamed for much less then this!

banana468 · July 2009

Not sure if P2's statement was directed to me but I'm not flaming - just curios.Dbisignaro, is it possible to make an exception for this one cousin in light of your error? Do you have any other 20 year old cousins?

banana468 · July 2009

Curios = curious.

diggitydog · July 2009

You get over yourself Pumpkins, I was responding to Dani's post.

banana468 · July 2009

Wow. Uncle may be a piece of work.

Under 21 reception

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