birth control question...

lizardrach812 · July 2009

hello everyone :)i am relatively new here, but i have a question regarding the catholic faith and birth control.i understand that natural family planning is in tune with the church beliefs, but that is really hard for me to do.i have been taking birth control from a pretty early age because i have a highly irregular cycle. i'm really sorry if this is an overshare, but without the bc, sometimes i can go 6 months without a period...or i can have two in one month. it varies.the only way i have been able to regulate my cycle is a combination of diet, lifestyle changes, and birth control.obviously natural family planning is hard if you don't have a regular cycle, so what's a girl to do? i don't want kids for a while.my main reason for asking is because i don't know what to say in my premarital counseling when i am asked about this. i don't want to lie, but i am afraid of being honest because i don't want this to be held against me. i also don't want to stop taking bc because of the irregularity and the pain associated with it (serious back pain, cramps, etc., so bad that i can hardly get out of bed for a day..the bc has helped with that tremendously.)what should i do?

ootmother2 · July 2009

I would address the problem with your doctor way before involving religious beliefs.That's what we were told

vanessahurd · July 2009

In my experience they don't ask you point blank about whether or not you are using birth control. They do share the benefits of NFP and/or the Creighton method, and suggest that that's the way you do it (which, by the by, charting things like your your basal body temp, discharge, and cervix location on a daily basis can actually be used to determine what is causing your cycle to be irregular. You take those charts to a doctor and it can help then figure out what's going on with your system, if that interests you), HOWEVER, if you need to take bc you will not be asked to disclose that to anyone.And if it did happen to come up in a conversation, no one would judge you for it or hold it against you.

ootmother2 · July 2009

sorry, hit post too soon.I am now MOB, but I doubt that much really changes. The premarital couselor said that this is a personal issue and it's not their place to get into your bedroom. They try to avoid intruding on very personal matters such as this.Some posters will tell you NFP with charting is the only thing the church accepts. What is acceptable is what is right for you, your future husband, your marriage and God. You decide

Leah&Christian09 · July 2009

We belong to a more liberal parish, but it never came up. I've been on BC for a while, and I don't intend to go off it. I had this conversation with my mother, and she said she told her priest about being on BC back in the 70's when she married my dad, and it didn't really raise eyebrows. I just don't think it is really that big of an issue for the most part. Anyway, if it does come up, explain that after years of dealing with complicated medical problems, you and your doctor decided that hormonal birth control was the best solution, and you are not willing to discuss it.

Calypso1977 · July 2009

artificial bc of any kind (pill, iud, condom, etc.) is against church teaching. however, some exceptions are made for those who need to take the pill for medically necessary reasons. our priest did not even ask us, adn we were not required to take an NFP course although we are now practicing that method becuase we feel its right for us. while the method of charting is very new for me, i'm wondering if charting might actually be helpful to you. while it will not regulate your periods for you, it does help you visualize a pattern in your cycles and it tells you when you ovulate and when you can expect your period. it may be worth discussing wtih your doctor, although unfortunately not all doctors are open to NFP. check out "taking charge of your fertility" at the library. its written by a medical professional and explains the method and how to use it, etc. use that as a vehicle for discussion with your doctor if this is somethign you really want to consider. there are many girls on this board who use NFP with success. the other bonus is that the method most likely will help you get pregnant when you are ready to have a child it will help you determine when you are ovulating since your cycles are so irregular. so the method works both to achieve AND avoid.gl!

Jay&Marissa · July 2009

I second Calypso. Hopefully masked rose will jump in and share--I think her response would be helpful.

alliecarrie41 · July 2009

at precana where they discussed NFT with the group and our sponsors, we had all spectrums discuss what the church believed, what was healthy /best for an individual, and where you could fall in the middle. there were three sponsoring couples, 1 who relied on NFP, 1 who used condoms, and 1 who had to be on the pill because of medical reasons. they all made sense, they were all deeply religious and obviously preached the bible's word, but each did what was best for them. and you know what, that is what matters.

canary11 · July 2009

If you have been on BC from a very young age, are you sure that your cycles will still be very irregular? I know that it could be very scary for you, but maybe you would consider trying to go off of it to see if your cycles are still irregular. You'd have to be off them for awhile to see if your cycles normalize, though. If this is something you have already tried, then speak with your doc about it. I have found that learning NFP is extremely rewarding. I would recommend it to anyone willing to give it a good shot. I was NOT intrested in practicing NFP initially. Now I am cycle 6 and LOVE it!Also, our priest never asked me if I was on BC.

ffmaid · July 2009

I'm on the pill. Be honest with the priest. This is not uncommon and you will not be forced to do NFP although you may be asked about this. My pre cana priest basically said as long as pre conception birth control it is fine.

Laura&Kieran · July 2009

You do not need to offer up this information and its pretty doubtful that the priest will come out and point blank ask you if you are on anything. All our priest asked is if we would accept children willingly from God (aside from other questions). The only mention of NFP was in the booklet with the pre-cana class information. Just like you I've been on bc since a young age due to irregular cycles - have you spoken to your doctor about this? Mine did an u/s which showed I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrom. I am currently back on bc b/c after 2 years of being off (and only have 2 periods) they are trying to get my body "moving" again before we TTC. I will be going to an endocrinologist (sp?) in the next few months to discuss options since we will be TTC come April.

lizardrach812 · July 2009

i'm going on m second month without birth control, and month one i had no period. month two- i've had my period for almost 10 days now ("regular" for me is usally 5 days-definitely no more than 7). crazy.thanks for answering my question, ladies-- all of your responses are very helpful

i didn't know what to expect from the priest, and it is good to know that i probably won't be asked point blank about it.I have ovarian cysts, and a strong family history of developing fibroids. So far, using the Nuva Ring has worked out best for me- but I am open to trying natural family planning if i can get my medical issues straightened out.

Johnsbride7409 · July 2009

I'm on the pill too, due to the length and heaviness of my periods. I talked to my priest (in a VERY conservative diocese) about it early in Pre-Cana, and basically what he told me was that if you're taking the pill for medical reasons, and the birth control aspect was just a side effect NOT a reason for taking it, then you were good to go.

Truchana · July 2009

Well I think it's a personal decision and it's all up to your own interpretation. If you are smart and use your head about it, you will come up with the right decision for yourself. FYI - we never talked about it. In our parish, the priest has this married woman teach some classes and go over all that because he feels a married person can help more than him, whcih I agree. She didn't even broach the subject. It was basically like, "We won't go into detail but i do want you to be aware about NFP." That was basically it....Our priest just asked us if we will opening accept children into our lives. He never even asked us if we were raising them cathlic like in the old days.

jasmineh7777 · July 2009

I have been dreading this talk too. The church believes that sex is for the purpose of conceiving a child. Birth control defeats the purpose of intercourse. Hence, traditionally Cathlic families were very large. That being said, I have been on bc for endometriosis for years. Also, fiance' and I don't plan on kids in the near future or possibly at all. The church still holds its position, but most families don't follow it to the t.

GulfCoaster · July 2009

I started charting years ago, when I was engaged to my high school sweetheart. My ex-fiance and I ended up not getting married after all, but it turned out that using NFP was incredibly useful to me. I used to have awful irregularity and pain, and the doctors all just kind of shrugged and said they didn't know what the cause of my symptoms was, but they'd give me the BC pill to mask those symptoms. Charting my cycles helped show me -- and once I found a knowledgeable doctor, helped show my doctor -- the reason(s) for all that, so that it could be treated, not just suppressed. Now, years later, I'm still a huge fan of NFP. NFP isn't the rhythm method, so it can be practiced by women with irregular cycles. Irregular cycles make it more difficult, but not impossible. I think charting can be useful for women with irregular cycles, because it helps you predict when you are ovulating, and your charts can also help show you (and your doctor, if your doctor is knowledgeable about charting) what is going on with your body and what the underlying causes of the cycle irregularity might be. I now take an actual drug that helps my body work properly, rather than a BCP that suppresses the symptoms but doesn't cure the underlying problem. As far as whether a priest will ask you about BCP, that probably depends on the parish. Most probably won't. But you do have to agree that you are open to children in order to be married in a Catholic church -- it's one of the three questions asked at the beginning of every Catholic wedding to establish consent. ("Have you come here freely...?" "Will you love and honor...?" "Will you accept children lovingly from God...?")

GulfCoaster · July 2009

Oh, and as far as the 10-day period this month -- plenty of women, even ones whose cycles were regular before BCP, experience craziness like that in the months after they've stopped BCP. Hopefully, that will become more normal as your body regulates itself.

Calypso1977 · July 2009

The church believes that sex is for the purpose of conceiving a child. they believe that it is the primary purpose, but not the sole purpose. if it was the sole purpose, then they woudl deem it a sin for any married couple past child-bearing age to engage in intercourse, or any married couple who is infertile to engage in intercourse, knowing that a child will never come to be.

alliecarrie41 · July 2009

ditto Calypso... we were told during precana that when you are married God would want you to enjoy in each other, that includes intercourse between two adults for not just TTC is accepted.

Calypso1977 · July 2009

exactly. and they also wouldnt teach NFP, becuase in theory it would be sinful to have sex during those times that you know for a fact you are infertile.

Truchana · July 2009

The idea that sex is bad if it's not for procreation was from when our parents were growing up. That's what they taught, it's changed now. I'm confused though, if you use NFP to try and not have a child, what is the difference of taking bc? You can still get pregnant either way, and the whole purpose is to hopefully ensure you don't.

Calypso1977 · July 2009

nfp is natural means of avoiding conception. church teaching says that artificial means are prohibited. that's the difference. also, the pill and the iud both make for a hostile environment for the fertilized egg, thus resulting in a type of abortion. and, as you know, abortion is against the church's teachings as well. of course, the pill is supposed to prevent release of the egg to begin with, but as we've seen, this is not always the case when you look at women who are on the pill who then get pregnant.becuase nfp uses no devices, there can be no risk then of an abortion taking place, other than natural miscarriage.barrier methods obviously dont have the abortion issue to contend with, but they are still artificial devices meant to knowingly and intentionally block conception.

Jay&Marissa · July 2009

Ditto Calypso

Jay&Marissa · July 2009

Oh, and check out the Theology of the Body (Christopher West has good resources) Explains all of that a lot more!

rdixon2005 · July 2009

Here are my experiences with NFP. I used BC for almost 10 years to regulate my cycle, and my FI and I resigned to either having more kids than we wanted or none because of how irregular I am. It was really important to me not to use BC once it was really explained to me why BC is so outta line with the churches teachings. Anyway... We started the charting as soon as we got engaged and to my surprise the more attention I paid to my cycle it started to regulate itself (with the help of an amazing holistic medicine doctor)I will tell you this much. Generally you aren't going to get asked if you are on BC they are only going to tell you about what is avaliable to you. It is really a matter of your own conscious and why you want to use BC. Any priest I have ever spoke to tells me that even in "sin" (I am not telling you that your sinning) there is a HUGE gray area. That being said you may want to find a different doctor. Menstrual issues are generally a symptom of a large disorder in your body. Most doctors don't care enough to find out what is really causing the entire issue and just treat the symptoms. I hope for the best for you and my FI and I will keep you in our prayersGod Bless,

rdixon2005 · July 2009

Really do read theology of the body. The act of sex is not sinful, in fact Pope John Paul regarded it as a divine thing. Children are a gift from god... or even if you don't get pregant or can't the act of marital sex is still sacred. NFP is different from artificial birth control in the fact that you are open to life at all times. All we are doing is using the biological cycle that God gave us to plan our families better. With BC you are intentionally breaking a working bodily function given to you by god. Its kinda like saying hey God thanks for this awesome gift but I don't want it.

scoffindaffer · July 2009

I know this echo a lot of what the other girls have said but here's what NFP has done for me:I went on BC when I was 16 because I had only had 2 periods at the time and my estrogen was really low. No other inquiries as to WHY my hormones were so low was made. when my fiance and I got engaged, we decided that we should do NFP. I was really nervous and doubtful--I didn't think I would cycle at all, but I dutifully watched my signs and paid attention to my body and, sure enough, I began to cycle--for the first time in 11 years--it has been extremely empowering and liberating to be off the pills. Plus, if there is indeed anything wrong with my system, this helps me to monitor it. I'm on my third cycle and so far, so good.Theology of the Body is great, and so is The Love that Satisfies, also by West.I'm so computer illiterate--I can't seem to get my pics up, but I love all y'alls pics!

MidnightRae · August 2009

I too, have a very irregular cycle, I could either not have it for 3 months of have it every 2 weeks, and it could last from a week to a month of me with my period ,so I am on birth control as well. If they do ask you flat out, which I don't think they will, I would just say that you are for medical reasons. It should not be held against you. Even though you may not want kids for awhile, that is not the reason you are on birth control. Keep taking the birth control pill.

birth control question...

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