Ready to call it off.

Carykay · December 2011

I am so ready to call off this wedding. Nothing is going right. I am the ONLY one planning it. I try to get him involved but he just doesnt want to do it. He tells everyone he helps out and he really doesnt. My parents do not care to help me plan it either. Half of my bridesmaids live out of town so they cant help. I am just so sick of it and im ready to say the heck with it. I have been asking him for MONTHS now to help me register for gifts. He always says he will but when It comes down to it he has an excuse. I would do it without him but then he will get mad. I dont know where we are going on our honeymoon. Im tired of waiting on him the wedding is in like 94 days. I am ready to call it off until he is ready to help. I cant do this on my own and I shouldnt have to.. I am just so upset right now. Sorry I need to vent. Thanks for listening.

w+c3 · December 2011

I'm sorry

I know how it feels to become really overwhelmed with planning. Just try to take a deep breath. I'm sorry that your FI won't help. And I know how difficult it is to plan a wedding and go to school. You can do this! Take small chunks at a time. I will throw in a few suggestions though!

1. Get a travel agent. They are free. Tell them your budget and a few things your looking for and let them do the work. IT IS A LIFESAVER!

2. As long as you are still sure of your relationship with your FI consider downsizing your wedding to something less stressful and more intimate or hell just elope!

3. Maybe sit down and have a very serious conversation with your FI and let him know just how stressed you are. Maybe if you lay it all out there and tell him that you are to the point where you want to postpone a wedding. Maybe that will mean something to him.

Rachmarie23 · December 2011

Like w+c3, I would highly recommend having a heart to heart with your fiance. You don't want to start a precedent where you are frustrated an ddon't say anything or your guy gets used to you doing everything. I'm sure it will all be ok, but he just needs to know how you feel.

tiffk10 · December 2011

IMHO (not that you asked) I really think you two need to sit down and have a serious conversation. Marriage is a partnership and that should include the wedding planning. I see no reason why you should have to plan the wedding on your own, especially if you are wanting his help.

stahlkc · December 2011

Carykay, I feel your pain. My FI is the same way. He'll give an opinion if I ask for it, but takes no initiative in helping. It's infuriating at times. I agree with the PPs though. Once I was open with him about how I it sometimes hurts my feelings that he shows little interest in helping with the wedding he started to help out more. If your FI is anything like my FI, he's probably looking forward to the marriage WAY more than the wedding itself and in the end, that's what matters the most.

kamarks08 · December 2011

I was literally in the same exact position not to long ago. Seriously, I ditto every single post here. It has worked wonders for me. Since he saw how upset I was about it all and how important it is, he's definitely been better. Good luck, dear.

cmac3504 · December 2011

I feel your pain! We've all been through it and I agree that once they realize the pain it's causing they tend to come around!

rebeccaa12 · December 2011

I just told my FI if he doesn't add any input, the whole reception is going to look like walking into a giant tampon.

Okay, joking aside, and along with everyone else, you should totally open up to him. When I opened up to mine, he said he wanted me to have the wedding of my dreams and didn't want to take that away from me by adding his opinions. As sweet as it may sound, like tiffk said, it is a partnership. I had to explain to him that this is our big day, not a birthday party.

Do get his perspective before making any rash decisions and hopefully y'all can figure it out for the best for both of y'all

arrestclementine · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_march-2012-weddings_ready-call-off?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:955e4823-0be1-44ef-9ee7-99a63794e103Discussion:b61fe5d9-15c6-4bba-895f-0db85b1e4867Post:42a58c48-4abc-464d-8baf-80f523ca1731">Re: Ready to call it off.</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>I just told my FI if he doesn't add any input, the whole reception is going to look like walking into a giant tampon.</strong> :) Okay, joking aside, and along with everyone else, you should totally open up to him. When I opened up to mine, he said he wanted me to have the wedding of my dreams and didn't want to take that away from me by adding his opinions. As sweet as it may sound, like tiffk said, it is a partnership. I had to explain to him that this is our big day, not a birthday party. Do get his perspective before making any rash decisions and hopefully y'all can figure it out for the best for both of y'all :)
Posted by rebeccaa12[/QUOTE]

LOL!!!

Anyways, my opinon is that some people just are not planners. Maybe your FI is one of those? In the end no one is really going to notice what kind of flowers you or your bm's have, or the decor of your event, or the guest book - I mean these are all great and fantastic details -but at the end of the day the important thing is that you are marrying your best friend and starting your new lives together. So I guess what i'm trying to say is try not to get lost in the details that really aren't that important.

Carykay · December 2011

Thanks everyone. I talked to him last night and it really didnt seem to help. So ill just register for everything and if he doesnt like it oh well he should have helped.

Rebecca you are too funny. Thanks for making me laugh!!

Thanks for the support ladies

bethmerchant · December 2011

I'm right there with you! This week has been HORRIBLE with stress thinking about what needs to be done. My FI is working on his Master's and an asst. basketball coach. I know he's busy, but he commited to getting married and I need his help dog gone it! I have alot on my plate, too: teaching, 8 year old DD, my mom lives with us, holidays and I'm paying FOR EVERYTHING. If he tells me ONE MORE TIME to not stress out and take things one day at a time I'm going to SCREAM! DO guys just not think THAT far ahead?!?! So stressful!!! I know I don't want to cancel the wedding. FI has told me to tell him directly what I want him to do, but he still acts like it doesn't need to get done NOW like I want it done. Sillly boys...

femmepink · December 2011

I'm sorry that you feel so stressed.

I am the opposite. I wish everyone would STOP trying to help. Most ideas are shiit and I just go with them sometimes to apease whomever is trying to help.

I'd be happy if I were you, but I'm a planner and a control freak so I'm different.

I'd sit down with your FI and say, "Look, this is really upsetting me." If that doesn't get his attention then maybe you should think twice about the marriage to him?

faithlady · December 2011

what stahlkc said!!

rachel801231 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_march-2012-weddings_ready-call-off?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:955e4823-0be1-44ef-9ee7-99a63794e103Discussion:b61fe5d9-15c6-4bba-895f-0db85b1e4867Post:e34b770f-aaaf-4484-a8e2-131ed0a8b64b">Re: Ready to call it off.</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm sorry that you feel so stressed. I am the opposite. I wish everyone would STOP trying to help. Most ideas are shiit and I just go with them sometimes to apease whomever is trying to help. I'd be happy if I were you, but I'm a planner and a control freak so I'm different. I'd sit down with your FI and say, "Look, this is really upsetting me." If that doesn't get his attention then maybe you should think twice about the marriage to him?
Posted by femmepink[/QUOTE]

This is so me too. FI really isn't a planner anyway. It's not who he is and when it came to registering, he went with me to BBB and helped but he was not enjoying it. He only cared about towels and silverware. So it's not his thing. It doesn't mean he isn't completely excited about getting married. He tells me all the time how he can't wait for me to be his wife. He's helped with the big things, like where we are getting married and where the reception is going to be, even picking out colors. But he's just not that into planning the smaller details which I'm completely okay with.

Siglers0412 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_march-2012-weddings_ready-call-off?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:955e4823-0be1-44ef-9ee7-99a63794e103Discussion:b61fe5d9-15c6-4bba-895f-0db85b1e4867Post:e34b770f-aaaf-4484-a8e2-131ed0a8b64b">Re: Ready to call it off.</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm sorry that you feel so stressed. I am the opposite. I wish everyone would STOP trying to help. Most ideas are shiit and I just go with them sometimes to apease whomever is trying to help. I'd be happy if I were you, but I'm a planner and a control freak so I'm different. I'd sit down with your FI and say, "Look, this is really upsetting me." If that doesn't get his attention then maybe you should think twice about the marriage to him?
Posted by femmepink[/QUOTE]

I'm so with you! I would love for people to help me accomplish my ideas, but sooo many ideas that other people are offering are HORRIBLE and I don't even want to ask them for anything anymore because I'm tired of telling everyone I don't like what they want to do and have my own plan. I'm overwhelmed doing it all myself but at least i'm going to get what i want!

Carykay · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_march-2012-weddings_ready-call-off?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:955e4823-0be1-44ef-9ee7-99a63794e103Discussion:b61fe5d9-15c6-4bba-895f-0db85b1e4867Post:e34b770f-aaaf-4484-a8e2-131ed0a8b64b">Re: Ready to call it off.</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm sorry that you feel so stressed. I am the opposite. I wish everyone would STOP trying to help. Most ideas are shiit and I just go with them sometimes to apease whomever is trying to help. I'd be happy if I were you, but I'm a planner and a control freak so I'm different. I'd sit down with your FI and say, "Look, this is really upsetting me." <strong>If that doesn't get his attention then maybe you should think twice about the marriage to him</strong>?
Posted by femmepink[/QUOTE]

Well after hearing this maybe I am looking at this all wrong. I cant change that he wont help or no one else will, So i guess I can have everything exactly how I want it. I can see how too many opinions would get annoying.

I know there is no second guessing marrying him. He says all the time how he cant wait. I guess He just isnt a planner. When I brought up post poning the wedding his face looked like I broke his heart. So ill just plan it n he will have to deal with it. lol

Ready to call it off.

Re: Ready to call it off.

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