Best Man cancelled...

Rach9703 · July 2009

How do I help FI feel better? His only groomsman canceled about a month ago. He's OOT and couldn't get the time off work. So our wedding is in a week and yesterday his best man canceled. He's also OOT and currently unemployed. FI had worked out a ride for him to get here and a place for him to stay. Now FI has nobody to stand up for him and is depressed. When I ask what I can do to help he says nothing. Suggestions?

tidetravel · July 2009

Can you get a hold of the best man and explain the situation? Explain how important it is for him to be there, and make any necessary arrangements for him? It may be more than you should have to do, but it might get him there.

Rach9703 · July 2009

That was my first suggestion. I told FI I'd buy him a plane ticket because I could understand not wanting to ride in someone else's car for 9 hours. But he said no. He doesn't want me to get involved. He's already asked his step father to stand up but it just kills me that he's been hurt like this.

tidetravel · July 2009

I would be more depressed knowing that I have crappy friends. I mean, I understand the long car ride, but if it was for my best friend, and I had no other way to get there, then I would do it in a heartbeat. Sorry you FI is going through this

AmoroAgain · July 2009

I agree with Tide. That's just downright schitty. Your FI has jerk friends.

banana468 · July 2009

That's really unfortunate. I think a lot of guys may not truly 'get' what it means to be the BM in another friend's wedding as far as the huge value that the groom places on the friendship.If the friend is definitely not going to be there, I'd just try to remind him of how it's going to be great that you'll be married. Just like we tell brides on here that it's just 'one day', perhaps reminding your husband the same thing can help. Not being able to travel doesn't mean that he doesn't value the friendship with your husband - it just means that he's not able to be there physically.

AmoroAgain · July 2009

Aw, banana, you're so much nicer than me.

I'd take it as a personal affront.

Rach9703 · July 2009

So does it make it worse for FI that a few years ago he was the best man for the last minute canceler?

tlv204 · July 2009

Yeah I'd be pretty upset too, that sucks. I don't have a whole lot of advice though, sometimes there's not a whole lot SOs can do when friends are the sucky ones. Ditto banana about reminding him it's just one day and the good parts of the day. I wouldn't try to downplay it, he has every right to be upset IMO, just focus on the positives. You'll be married!

tlv204 · July 2009

Ouch, that sucks even more. I'm torn, if I were in your shoes I would really want to call the best man and get him there come hell or high water, but he also said he doesn't want you involved. I suck at the advice part, sorry.

AmoroAgain · July 2009

Okay... well, there's probably a little tit for tat involved in this, which is ridonkulous, but what the hell is wrong with guys that they think it's okay to do this?

banana468 · July 2009

So he was this guy's BM? Is he still married? Can you talk to the wife and see if you can sweet talk them?

Rach9703 · July 2009

Banana, yes he was and yes he is. I've been wanting to call them since I found out yesterday but their numbers are in FI's phone and he's at work right now. I'll try to steal it when he gets back...

banana468 · July 2009

I'd play it as the wife. "Hey is there any way that we can help get you there?"Although I'd have to wonder why they wouldn't try to be there. Is there any possibility that they're having marital problems?

Rach9703 · July 2009

I'd like to think it just comes to down to the money. They live in Indiana, we live in Maryland. And I fully understand that he's been unemployed for 6 months now but we offered a ride for him with FI's mom and step dad. We offered to let him stay with us. I told him I'd cover he meals. It wouldn't have cost him a dime. And it's not like he has to take off work. There's more to it and I don't know what.

banana468 · July 2009

Yeah, if possible maybe you can also talk to your FI and say, "What if we talk to them and offer them ways to make this work?"However if money is tight, I can understand it if they have to make the choice to attend your wedding or pay the bills.

AmoroAgain · July 2009

Do they feel they can't give you a gift, and that's why they cancelled?

MOBinFL2008 · July 2009

Honestly, there's probably nothing you can do. It all comes down to embarassment and pride. The guy can't afford to pay his own way and that is a huge blow to any man's ego. In today's sucky economy this is just something that people are going to face more and more. I'm sure the guy would like to be at the wedding but he just can't afford transportation, clothes, a gift, food, lodging, and other incidentals. People have their pride and just don't like to have to take help from others. I'm sure he feels just as bad as you do. Let your FI's step-dad (or whomever you mentioned) stand in and graciously let the BM off the hook. He's hurting just as much as your FI is. Only those who have been in the BM position (DH and I have been there) can truly understand how he is feeling right now.

Best Man cancelled...

Re: Best Man cancelled...

Choose Another Board

Search Boards