asking to donate towards downpayment?

dunurwen · July 2012

My fiance and I would like to buy a house in the near future. We have put a good amount of items on registries at Target, Bed, Bath, and Beyond, and Macys. I feel like if people know what the money will go to, gifting money doesn't sound so blah.

So. What is the best place to start a fund like this. Isn't there something like downpaymentdreams.com?

Sorry if this question has been asked a million times over.

jessicabessica · July 2012

You're not a charity, don't ask for donations. People will give money on their own and trust that you will spend it as you see fit. Asking for cash for anything is pretty rude, plus many websites to facilitate this charge a fee.

hoffse · July 2012

I would be really offended as a guest if you asked for this. You need to save for your own downpayment like every other person.

If you receive cash, you may thank the giver and tell him/her that you are using it toward your downpayment. But do NOT try to solicit cash gifts from your guests, and for the love of god don't use one of those tacky websites. They charge a fee. Your guests are perfectly capable of writing you a check and sticking it in a card.

DiLynn83 · July 2012

Work hard and save and pay for your own damn house.

Ugh.

kmmssg · July 2012

this would be very offensive. Your parents and bridal party can share word of mouth IF ASKED that you guys are saving for a house. People will take the hint. If i got a wedding invitation with that information, that couple would be getting a non-returnable rooster ceramic cookie jar.

HobokensFury · July 2012

No just no

GoodLuckBear14 · July 2012

To quote Dear Abby: "A wedding does not magically turn your family and friends into ATMs." She was talking about honeymoon registries but this is true for any kind of cash registry. Be a grown up like the rest of married couples and pay for your own damn house.

amymaysa · July 2012

Others have covered it...

This is rude and should not be done.

People know money is a great gift!

Cortney1982 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_asking-to-donate-towards-downpayment?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:c23872f1-ca8b-4b20-ac76-c95f9077ec47Post:c0421542-5174-4983-9fa0-280ba20115b2">asking to donate towards downpayment?</a>:
[QUOTE]My fiance and I would like to buy a house in the near future. <strong>We have put a good amount of items on registries at Target, Bed, Bath, and Beyond, and Macys</strong>. I feel like if people know what the money will go to, gifting money doesn't sound so blah. So. What is the best place to start a fund like this. Isn't there something like downpaymentdreams.com? Sorry if this question has been asked a million times over.
Posted by dunurwen[/QUOTE]

Okay this confuses me. You registered for many items from THREE stores but really are looking for cash? Looks like your in need of home goods not cash. Your more likely to receive cash if your friends and family know your already established and have a home full of nicer things. My husband and I didn't need much. We had a small registry with about 35 items and only 1 guest purchased items from it. Everybody else gave us cash.

dunurwen · July 2012

Wow, wasn't expecting to get ripped to shreads over asking a question that I didn't have any experience in. So my idea is tacky, thank you for letting me know, but wow, way to keep it classy everyone.

kristinanddan · July 2012

Everyone DID keep it classy. There is nothing wrong with telling you that what you want to do is rude, except for the fact that you don't like the answer.

HobokensFury · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_asking-to-donate-towards-downpayment?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:c23872f1-ca8b-4b20-ac76-c95f9077ec47Post:b0cd5633-542e-473e-ba7e-fd390ce52b03">Re: asking to donate towards downpayment?</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow, wasn't expecting to get ripped to shreads over asking a question that I didn't have any experience in. So my idea is tacky, thank you for letting me know, but wow, way to keep it classy everyone.
Posted by dunurwen[/QUOTE]

Sorry but do you know another way to say something is rude and tacky?

cosmogirlWed144626 · July 2012

I don't understand why everyone was so rude to you, like "pay for your own damn house". It was a legitimate question, since there are a number of websites around that are presumably for such a purpose or a honeymoon, or other cash gifts. (Although most people agree that those websites are wicked tacky and should not be used!)

It is considered bad manners, though, to ask for cash. If you want cash gifts, then don't register for any items. People generally know that means that a monetary gift would be preferred. If anyone asks your parents or a wedding party member, it's okay for them to answer that you are hoping to save enough to buy a house soon...or something similar.

Good luck to you!

Marina Ova · July 2012

I also don't understand what the big deal is. Why is it OK to ask for gifts for the home (which guests go to a store and exchange CASH for) and not OK to request cash to help buy an ACTUAL home, you know, a place to put all your etiquettely correct gifts? This day in age ton of couple use sites like hatchmyhome and zankyou to register so that guests can contribute to a home downpayment, something I think a newlywed couple would appreciate more than another toaster or more dishes and linens.

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Love,
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