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Traveling with Fiances family help!!!!

HeatherParisesHeatherParises
10 Comments
in Just Engaged and Proposals

ok so me and my fiance have been engaged for a few months :)

 His grandparents live in Cleveland and I was invited to go with his family from december 26th-dec 29th to visit his grandparents. My mom is having a huge fit about "how we arent married" and we are traveling together, and that it wont "look proper"

 I have traditional values and I am going with his entire family on the trip its not just us two alone. I am sleeping on a different floor level than him when we are there also. Any suggestions on how to ease my moms rants about "how I am not proper"

 p.s. I have extremely traditional values and even I dont think this is a big deal.....please help fellow knotties especially if you have gone through this same experience. :)

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Re: Traveling with Fiances family help!!!!

  • jennylove810jennylove810 member
    1000 Comments Combo Breaker

    Are you serious?  I kinda feel bad for you.  Your mom seriously needs to understand that you're a grown adult woman.  You're old enough to get married and you're old enough to travel with your fiance's family.  It is most definitely proper - you aren't even in the same room!  Sheesh.

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  • redheadfsuredheadfsu member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2010
    I think your mother is kind of being irrational. I'm not sure how to reason with her. You are traveling with his family & sleeping in another room. If she knows you are not sharing the same room & she is still upset, then she is just going to be upset no matter what. I would just say, "Mom, I'm an adult. I decide what is proper in my own life."

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  • garcias1garcias1 member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Comments

    Who would be upset that you are "traveling together" before marriage?  That sounds nuts.  If you are in separate rooms and traveling with his family to visit family that's one thing.  If you were going to Hawaii just the two of you, that would be another thing.  But still, that would be NONE of her business since you are an adult.

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  • HeatherParisesHeatherParises
    10 Comments
    THANK YOU GUYS!!!! That makes me feel so much better knowing that I am not the only one who thinks that way, I truly appreciate your help :)

    Have a Merry Christmas Knotties!!!!
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  • jemmini6jemmini6 member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    Back in the old days, having family members as an escort was the 'proper' thing to do anyways, which is exactly what you are doing now.  I really don't see how traveling with your FIL's, staying in a separate room, etc could be seen anywhere close as improper.

    Then again, I've lived with my FI for a year and a half (before we got engaged) and have been on several trips together (one with his family and several with just the two of us) so I find it hard to follow the extreme traditional values to begin with.
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  • susanmhamiltonsusanmhamilton member
    Sixth Anniversary First Comment

    What they all said.  Also, point out to your mom that you will be chaperoned by your fiance's parents.

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  • deb84deb84 member
    100 Comments
    I agree with PP.  Explain that you will be with FI's parents and staying at FI's Grandparent's house in seperate rooms.  If she still thinks it is improper then there is no convincing her.  Don't feel bad, you are an adult and are doing nothing wrong. 

    When FI & I had been dating 3 months we went on a vacation to FL with his parents, sister and niece and my sister and her family (yes an odd bunch!) we had our own hotel room the whole time. ;) THAT is improper!
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  • Kate61487Kate61487 member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 250 Love Its Name Dropper
    I think you're doing everything right as far as propriety is concerned.  I might question if your mom is actually upset that you'll be gone - would you otherwise have spent that week at home with her?  She may just be upset about having to share you at the holidays and has chosen this as a way to try and convince you not to go.

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  • ast284ast284
    10 Comments
    Has your mom met FI's family? I know this might sound childish to some people, but maybe it would ease her fears a bit if she had a chat with FI's mom and she reassured your mom. I understand that you are old enough to get married and therefore old enough to make your own decisions, but in certain situations (if you still live with your parents) they do have a lot of leverage in your life. So this might make your mom feel more comfortable with your travelling with them. Just a suggestion. I know it eased my parents fears a bit. :)
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  • TheKnittingJediTheKnittingJedi member
    10 Comments
    After 3 months of dating, my FI and I took a trip to New York together. I mostly spent nights at my friend's apartment in Manhattan, while he stayed with his cousin in New Jersey (except for one night that we spent together in Jersey and the two nights we spent with my aunt and uncle on Long Island).

    What you are doing is much, MUCH more proper than that, lol.
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  • HeatherParisesHeatherParises
    10 Comments
    hahaha I love reading all of your stories this is so awesome to know I am not the only one, dealing with this and also knowing that I am not being disrespectful to my mom puts my mind at ease. I flat out told her today I was going and that I am a smart woman who should be trusted, I have given her no reason to not trust me.

    "I might question if your mom is actually upset that you'll be gone - would you otherwise have spent that week at home with her?" ...........in response to this statment ... THATS EXACTLY IT!!! I am the oldest in our entire family and my whole family is having issues with me growing up. They still see me as a 7 year old and not the woman I am who is almost graduating college :)

    deb84  ~ that sounds like a FABULOUS trip and thanks for your advice :)

    ast284 ~ yea my fiance and I were best friends in high school and started dating our first day of college and have been ever since, she has met them and in fact we all went to a basketball game this past week with both of our familes. I think she is having a hard time letting me grow up and also she doesnt want to share me for Christmas. Thanks for your advice it was really a good idea :)

    TheKnittingJedi ~ Sounds like an AMAZING trip , thanks for your story :)
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  • TheKnittingJediTheKnittingJedi member
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    It was a really fun trip, we had a lot of fun running around Manhattan together. I had a lot of drama with the friend I was staying with, but FI stood by me and helped me through it, which was amazing. And the same friend is going to be a bridesmaid in our wedding, so it's all good now!
    "Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love." - Albert Einstein
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