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BM drama (long but I need help!)...

elabarrelabarr member
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in Oklahoma
Okay, I'm going to start off this post with the fact that I realize my wedding is only about me and I shouldn't expect anything out of anyone and just be grateful that people want to share this day with us. That being said....My MOH moved to Hawaii shortly after I asked her to be in the wedding. Main reasons she was my MOH was that 1. she lived in Norman with me and no one else in the wedding did and 2. it is my brother's girlfriend and she is really my only female friend I saw on a regular basis (i'm horrible at keeping in touch with people). They have been together over 5 years and talk marriage all the time so the issue of "well what if they break up or something" never came up....until now. Brother just got back from a visit and I guess things are not good between them at all. He is talking about breaking up and he basically does not know their status. He says not to worry about it, but with us being 2 months out I'm kind of freaking out. Do I just let it be and wait and see what happens with the possibility of not having a MOH on my wedding day? I cant ask my other BM's their opinion on the matter because they both think I should have kicked her out of the wedding simply because she moved to Hawaii which is another story entirely. (they are family and jealous they weren't picked) I just don't know how to handle the situation. Do I talk to MOH about it or just hope they stay together and she shows up to the wedding? FI wants me to ask one of my other friends to be in the wedding because she is really the only one who has stepped up and done anything for me wedding wise (she has gone shopping with me, etc., and is throwing my shower because no one else was going to). If we do that we would offer to help her with her dress because its so close to the wedding. But is it too late to ask someone to be in your wedding two months away?Sorry if this didn't make any sense, I just don't know what to do. Any advice would be appreciated.
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Re: BM drama (long but I need help!)...

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    futuremrsschulzefuturemrsschulze member
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    edited December 2011
    I understand wanting to change your choices about your WP (I know I had my doubts about who I asked to be my BM, but unfortunately you made your choices and I think you need to stick to them.  This friend you would ask to be a replacement...I think it would be a little rude to do that 2 months out.  Like you didn't want her in the wedding before, but now that she's went shopping and thrown you a party you want her to stand up with you.  Sorry if that seems b!tchy, just my opinion.You chose your MOH b/c she's your "only female friend", not just b/c of her tie to your brother, right?  I say continue your planning and carry on with her as your MOH.  If they break up she should still be there--she is your friend.  If she doesn't show/backs out, then her loss and she's not a very good friend.  I'm with your brother, don't worry about it, you're getting married in 2 months!  Good luck and I hope it all works out for you.
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    lizardrach812lizardrach812 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    the last time i was asked to be in a wedding, i was a "backup bridesmaid." it was one of my best friends from high school/college, and she chose a childhood friend she had not spoken to in about 10 years to be in the wedding party over me. i wasn't upset with not being initially picked as a bridesmaid, but i was offended that she called and asked me to be in the wedding when the other girl got mad and backed out. i did it because she was my good friend and she needed help, but i my feelings were definitely hurt knowing that i was her second choice...the one that she called when the initial bridesmaid caused drama and quit. i also felt a little bit left out because the other dresses were already ordered, and she had already had her engagement party and shower. i know this is probably a little lame to say, but i really felt like i was just a fill in because i was not included with the other bp members in dress fittings, party planning, etc. i ended up just having to pay a bunch of money, show up, and deal with one of my best friends being bridezilla all day. i realize your situation is different, but if it were me, i would have one less bridesmaid before i would ask another two months before the wedding. if the other two girls are family, maybe they can do the shower and toast at the reception together. if your other two bm's are immature about the situation, they're the ones that are going to make themselves look like fools. i don't want anything i said to make you feel bad, so please don't take it that way...i just wanted to give an honest perspective. i really wish you the best of luck, and i am sure everything is going to work out ok. worst case scenario, one of the other bm's is going to walk down the isle with two handsome men on her arm ;) if they do break up and she doesn't show, people will know the situation...everything will be fine :) if they break up and she does show, she is your friend and you invited her. i think your brother would understand the situation.
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    elabarrelabarr member
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    edited December 2011
    i appreciate your opinions! i am VERY reluctant to ask the friend that has been there for me from the beginning to be in the wedding because of all the reasons you said. I don't want her to feel like a backup, and it stinks because FI has been saying since the beginning that she should have been in the wedding. I just felt like since she has so much going on in her life (she has kids, plus personal stuff going on) that I basically did not want to bother her by asking her to be in the wedding in the first place. Then she stepped up and did all this for me and now I feel even worse! But, admittedly, it is my own fault for not asking from the beginning. I guess with the MOH situation I am just going to let it go and see what happens. If she is there, great. If not, I will deal with it and we'll rearrange some things. No big deal. I actually found out today that my other BM's may not even be coming to my shower (the family members).There is so much family drama behind it, but thats a whole other can of worms. It took me literally over one year to get them to go dress shopping (apparently the drive from Tulsa to OKC is just too long for them and its too much money to invest) and now its apparently too much to ask for them to come to the shower as well. This coming from the same girls who threw a fit when they found out they weren't MOH...oh well. We'll enjoy the people that do come celebrate everything. Thanks for your help girls!
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    MKStarMKStar member
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    edited December 2011
    I think that if you let this friend that stepped up know how you feal about the situation just like you wrote it here she would be honored to step up and help you out. These kinds of things happen and anyone who has been through a wedding knows they do. I think that she has showed her true colors by helping you out even without being a part of your wedding party.
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