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RD and FI's mom

Night_SpriteNight_Sprite
5000 Comments Combo Breaker
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
So FI's parents are theoretically taking care of the rehearsal dinner.  Problems ensue.1. They don't live where the wedding is either.2. They can't save money for anything, ever.3. They aren't accountable people in general. I'm not asking for big fancy anything.  I even offered up the church's reception hall where we could do BBQ or something equally easy.  I'm not trying to be ungrateful or anything, but I also don't want to have to deal with it last minute when I need to feed 30+ people the day before the wedding.  Is there a way I can frame my concern that doesn't make me sound like an uberbitch?  FI agrees, but doesn't know how to bring it up with them.  I know there is still time, but can I do anything other than plan a contingency rehearsal dinner?
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Re: RD and FI's mom

  • TheSaltyPeanutTheSaltyPeanut member
    1000 Comments
    Will it be out of town for the WP? You could bring it up by saying, "some of our WP are getting travel plans together and were wondering about the night before/rehearsal dinner..." Then you could play it off as other people need to plan the "weekend" etc.
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  • danieliza1127danieliza1127 member
    10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    Have they already offered to take care of it, or are you just assuming they will?You could frame it as "since you guys don't live there and don't  know the area, we'd be happy to just go ahead and make the plans for you." or somehow offer to do it with them paying for it.
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  • AlexiaANDRobertAlexiaANDRobert
    2500 Comments
    I like Peanut's idea.
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  • ac_in_dcac_in_dc member
    2500 Comments
    Will they let you plan something?  Did they explicitly say they were paying? Just plan an RD you can pay for, and if they come through with the cash, great, if not, no problem.
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  • Night_SpriteNight_Sprite
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    They offered, but it was also offered sort of in conjunction with crazy grandparents who are boycotting because grandma was going to help.
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  • Night_SpriteNight_Sprite
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    Good call, I'll try it like that.Thank you peanut.
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  • TheSaltyPeanutTheSaltyPeanut member
    1000 Comments
    I was kind of in the same situation. That's how I approached it and it really did get the ball rolling. It was a great was to START any type of conversation regarding it as well ("oh, I was just talking to Neil and he's planning on rolling into town at this time, he wants to just make sure that the dinner starts at..." It did work good. It's always awkward to talk about money!
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  • duckie1905duckie1905 member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    I think your FI needs to bring it up with them directly.  I wouldn't plan for two RDs just in case they come through as it would be a huge waste of time and potentially money.If they offered and have not yet started to make plans or you are concerned they won't then tell your FI to man up and talk to his parents.  As far as wording, I think direct is the best way.  "Mom, Dad, you offered to plan the RD and we need the information so that we can inform the guests of the plan."
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