Receiving Gifts before wedding

ballandchain10 · July 2009

Is it "ok"/proper to start using them before you actually get married?or are you really supposed to wait to use them until after you walk down the aisle?

erikag23 · July 2009

totally not proper~ your marriage will be a failure if you don't wait until after the i do's. jk. use it.

mrs.spunky1508 · July 2009

I don't see why not. We had a rule that we couldn't use any of our wedding/shower gifts until the person's thank you note went out. It helped us get them out that much quicker. Not that we brought all that much stuff (shower gifts) to our apartment anyway b/c we were moving in a few months to our house and my parents and ILs were willing to store most of it.

loralei24 · July 2009

I think its just superstition. If you need it, use it. What are you going to do when you need a blender to use - just stare at the one in your spare room or go out and buy another new one at BB&B? Enjoy your stuff!

mbcdefg · July 2009

It's not superstition so much as etiquette ... if the marriage is called off, you're obligated to return people's gifts. That's the reasoning behind the "don't use it until you're married" rule. I personally don't think it's a big deal to open them and use them. Just be prepared that, on the slim chance your wedding is cancelled, you'd have to offer people the money back for their gifts if you can't give them back the actual gift.

I <3 Seabass · July 2009

I don't think the gift giver requests the gift back...I think the couple is supposed to automatically send it back in the midst of dealing with their heartbreak and embarrassment.

mbcdefg · July 2009

Oh I agree, Erika, I wouldn't request it back. But if neither of them at least made the offer to return it, I think I'd be a little peeved. If they made the offer I would say, "No, keep it" so as not to add insult to injury.

erikag23 · July 2009

yeah, i know. and if that ever happend, i would not accept the gift back.

mbcdefg · July 2009

I could totally understand them not calling people in the midst of the breakup, because I'm sure that returning wedding gifts is not their main concern. I think it'd just bother me a lot if I went to her house a month later and she was bouncing around making me dinner or coffee with all these brand-spanking-new, expensive gadgets that other people bought her (if she hadn't offered to return them). At any rate, since OP asked whether it's "proper" to use the gifts before the wedding, I was explaining the reasoning as to why etiquette says you should wait. But I think we can all agree that in terms of practicality, you don't really need to wait to use them.

dianenjnj · July 2009

who would know? do what you want. just remember to send a thank you right away.

I <3 Seabass · July 2009

Oh I didn't think that you meant that they should return them in the middle of dealing with all that. I think I read that in one of the etiquette columns one time. The author was like the gifts should be returned immediately if the wedding is called off or if the marriage ends really shortly after the wedding (like a couple of months or something). I'm like who would ever think to return the gifts right off the bat? But I guess eventually someone should at least attempt to return them. Or like on Seinfeld they can just donate them to charity! But I agree as it relates to OP they're probably OK with using the gifts now.

mbcdefg · July 2009

I read an editorial once from a girl whose FI called off the wedding, and since they'd already opened all the shower gifts she sent each guest a Starbucks gift card in the (estimated) amount that each gift was worth. Along with a note that said something like "if you want to get together and talk about it over coffee."I also thought it was funny when she ordered cards to inform people that the wedding was off. The engagement announcement was a pic of an illustrated hand with a diamond ring on it. The cancellation notice had the same hand, no ring. And the inside said, "Picked the wrong guy. Gave him the wrong finger. Thanks for your support."

I <3 Seabass · July 2009

Picked the wrong guy. Gave him the wrong finger. Thanks for your support."That actually made me laugh! This girl must have be loaded. Imagine on top of all the money she must have lost out on for calling off the wedding, she's buying gift cards and non-engagement announcements! While it was thoughtful and kinda cute seems kinda like she's sorta blasé about the whole thing.

mbcdefg · July 2009

Ha, and my first thought was, "I would've been pissed. I don't even LIKE Starbucks!"

I <3 Seabass · July 2009

true! at least she could have given amex cards so people could have spent the money where they want....That would have been a lot of hot chocolates for me since that's the only thing I get from there.

mbcdefg · July 2009

Huh, if it's the same person I read the article about (this was years ago, I don't remember where I read it), apparently she started a greeting card company after that:http://otherannouncements.com/"Free for lunch? I am, but you're buying ... I'm unemployed."

mbcdefg · July 2009

(sorry to be a post wh0re)Yup, that was her! It was a Glamour magazine article, and it's in the "Press" tab of the website.

I <3 Seabass · July 2009

ummm really?! "...wishing now I could be engaged just so I could break it off to send the single cards..." riiiight that's the response of a normal person!oh and the NEED STORAGE card is beyond ridiculous and I can't imagine anyone sending that out.

yankees320 · July 2009

FI and I waited until we moved in our new house, which was a few weeks after the shower, and a month before the wedding. It seemed silly for us to unpack all of the new things, just to pack them back up again so that's why we waited-- no superstition.

Receiving Gifts before wedding

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