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Bridesmaids: Sibling Drama

ILoveMyCamaroILoveMyCamaro member
First Comment
in Wedding Party
Hi!  I need some advice...my fiance and I are getting married next May and I asked one of my cousins to be a bridesmaid.  She was thrilled and said yes, but I did not ask her twin sister because we are not very close.  Now there are hurt feelings between my entire family because I didn't ask her to be in the wedding party.  Almost everyone (except my immediate family and fiance) is telling me to make her the matron of honor, even though I already have a maid of honor and really don't want her to be in the bridal party.  Since we aren't very close, is it acceptable to keep her out of the bridal party, even though they are twins?  I thought about giving her another task like passing out programs, but I don't want her to be offended...HELP!!!
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Re: Bridesmaids: Sibling Drama

  • mbcdefgmbcdefg member
    10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    You're not obligated to have anyone in the wedding. Family or not. Has the cousin (the non-BM) said anything about this? It doesn't matter if other people are offended. SHE is the one whose feelings matter here. Maybe she's happy not to be a BM. Unless she has told you that she's disappointed, don't worry about it. If she DOES tell you that she's upset, then decide from there what to do. You're not obligated, no, but it might be wise to at least think it over. Don't give her a job like passing out programs (or manning the guest book, or cutting cake). She could do a reading, sing if she's talented, or be an usher. Or she can just enjoy herself as a guest. If you and the BMs are getting ready together, you could invite her along to join in the primping (maybe treat her to hair/makeup/mani-pedi if you're able), or just to hang out and sip champagne with all the girls.
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  • peachkinspeachkins
    100 Comments
    I agree that you have an difficult situation.  However, you're not obligated to have anyone in the wedding party that you don't want to, and if you feel that strongly about this then don't give in.  Why your family feels that she should be the Matron of Honor I have no idea- considering you don't even want her as a BM.  That's a little over the top.  If you do decide to involve her in the ceremony, at least let her do a reading or something else to truly involve her.  I wouldn't really consider passing out programs to be much of an honor.  Good luck!
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  • ILoveMyCamaroILoveMyCamaro member
    First Comment
    Thanks!!!  The readings sound like much more of an honor than the programs - great idea! :)
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  • ffmaidffmaid
    1000 Comments
    I am a twin. My twin sister and I get along really well1. Past the age of about 8 you do not have to ask one twin if you ask the other2. most twins were forced to do those jobs in weddings to look cute liek program handng out at about age 8 it is annoying and a way of treating her worse then as a guests. 3. If you make her anything bridesmaid why woudl you make her matron of honor when less close then bm cousin just boggles my mind but you really should just have her as a guest.
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  • bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    I asked one set of my twin cousins to be RB and another set to be FG.  Then again, they are all under 11.  Does this woman expect to be invited to everything her sister is just because they're twins?  Like, still, as an adult?
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    "I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.

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  • leahluleahlu member
    100 Comments
    It's ridiculous that people would expect that you would treat a set of twins as one individual. These are grown women who can think and act on their own, one twin doesn't need to have her twin standing next to her at the wedding in order to function. And don't let your family pick your wedding party for you. I am going through the same thing with my fiance's family and I know it's hard, but don't give into their pressure. If you give in on this one huge thing they are going to keep expecting more concessions and then this won't be your wedding anymore.
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  • fangsitingfangsiting
    500 Comments
    unless they are siamese twins, it is okay to ask one to be in your wedding but not the other. 
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  • ILoveMyCamaroILoveMyCamaro member
    First Comment
    Thank you all so much for the amazing responses!!!  This makes me feel so much better about not asking her to be a BM...it would be different if we actually talked, but she hasn't even aknowledged my engagement or really talked to me in over a year, yet I hang out with her twin sister all the time.  Thanks! :)  You all have some WONDERFUL ideas!!!
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  • EastCoastBrideEastCoastBride
    Knottie Warrior 10 Comments
    I assume you asked the one because she is a FRIEND, not a cousin, right? So- I don't see the issue. And it floors me that your family now wants you to make the other, who you don' twant it in it at ALL, an MOH. Huh?
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