So I work in a lab for a professor as a graduate research assistant. FI and I are trying to keep our guest list low, so we are each only inviting 4 work friends to the wedding. If I add more, FI would have to add more. The venue is already super tight, so adding more, times 2, equals very bad idea.
That said, my lab group has about 10 members in it, and some are married, some even have children, and then this doesn't even include my advisor himself. Brief run down, we have 3 "post docs" who already have their phds, and then 7 grad students. So I just decided to have 3 of the grads (who Im closest to basically, and this is clear we all go to lunch together and the others do their own thing too) and one of my best friends on campus to round out the 4 work buds.
The problem is one of the post docs came in yesterday saying how he hopes he can still be here for the wedding and how much he is looking forward to it because he is also hoping to get a job back in his home country by then. CRAP, he is my superior, and has a wife and if I invited both of them, I can't ignore the other post-doc and his wife, and then can't ignore the visiting professor and his wife since they are all three on an equal ranking in our group. AND then by doing that, I need to invite the remaining grad students and their spouses (ironically the ones im closest to are not married). And then remember this means FI has to be treated fairly too, and add all his friends from work, and then theres still my advisor and his family... you see where im going with this.
I don't know how to address it, I can't just hope he will have his job and not be around. Problem is in his culture, in fact ive seen the video of his wedding, they have like 600 people there and invite EVERYBODY (well, his and his wife's families are also loaded). And his upbringing has sort of made him uh, a little pompous lol, so he has both culture and personality basically telling him that he expects to be there lol. But I really can't add on, we are literally spilling out of the venue and had to rent a tent to butt up against the back side of the barn because my dad decided to add 10 people to the list.
Pwease help :-) I need a way to politely convey this to him without insulting him, he is a post doc, and thus like a supervisor in my group.