78 days left and DRAMA!!!

erinf02 · July 2009

Please help!! STRESSSSFI decided to tell me this morning that he is concerned we might not have enough money to pay for everything. He said that we should have done something small at our house, which was my first idea, but he said we should have a big wedding.He is against a loan, and doesn't want to put it all on credit cards. Mind you, we had this conversation TONS of times! TONS. We are doing host bar and sit down dinner. Both of which were told that they would cost less. We can't cut the list, we have tried and tried. We have BIG families. I bartered my services (PR/Marketing/Business Development) for photography, I designed the invites, I paid for the flowers, the shuttle, our room, the cake, my dress, my shoes, the BM gifts, the favors, the centerpieces, my parents gift. So all that is left is the reception, and the HM, which I told him we could wait on.If anyone got married at Belhurst with about 220-250 people, can you give me a range on how much it cost you, and what we should expect. Any advice? Feel free to email me at erinf02 at hotmail dot com. TIA :' (

Jennah · July 2009

I dont mean to sound snotty, so if i do I APOLOGIZE in advance!! Did you get a contract from the castle with all the numbers, meals, apps, drinks? that would give you a ball park. No?I tried to look over the Belhurts Menu. You have a $5000 Min for Friday correct? looks like you clear that. Is there anyway you can cut the Host Bar? Just an idea...we are getting 2 cases of wine and going to have the venue serve it (100 person wedding, total is about $600 with venue fees). Rather than putting it at the table (if its not opened, its still good) Past experiences, I have seen half a bottle of wine go to trash. We cant afford any kind of open or host bar. My guestimate on your wedding....i did it on about 215 guests...looks like that would be just under 10,000, but that doesn't include your bar tab. 1000-1500 on apps (i think they say 3 apps pp min)5600 entree (avg $26 entree?)162 cake cut fee625 ceremony1300 gratuity561 taxNot sure if i missed any room fees. I know i had a fee for bringing in wine from outside. 11 bucks a bottle! its still cheaper than any kind of host/open bar though.I hope i helped break things down for you!! Good luck!!

Jennah · July 2009

btw, no experience at Belhurst, i was just trying to help

erinf02 · July 2009

You didn't sound snotty, thanks for your help. We received a contract, but she crossed out so much and wrote in other things that it is really hard to find out what is included and what isn't included. I have been trying since April to get her to call me back. So, in short, we have a contract, paid our deposit, and I am wondering a total after everything is said and done.

Jennah · July 2009

I understand, well GOOD LUCK!! that place looks beautiful!

faith194 · July 2009

220 people is a lot. .can't you just cut it to immediate family? There is no reason to go into debt for a party that you cannot afford. Have you sent out the invites yet? If not, you do need to cut your guest list, as hard as that may be. I'd also cut the host bar. Providing alcohol is nice, but being able to afford your wedding is much nicer. We had to do both of these things for our wedding, and I don't regret it. In 8 days, I will tell you in anyone missed the cousins who are twiced removed, or friends who I haven't seen since high school, etc.Good luck with your tough decisions!Oh, and keep calling Belhurst until they give you an answer!(I do not have any experience with that venue).

am&pm09 · July 2009

I agree that 250 people is a lot. I agree with PP that the best thing you can do is cut down your guest list. Have you sent out your invites yet? could you make it adult onlly and cut out the kids? perhaps have a beer/wine only bar instead of a complete bar? My only other thought is how many people are you inviting and are some OOT that may not attend? We invited 200 and only have 110 yes RSVPs so that may help cut also.

annabear07 · July 2009

I'm sorry you have this stress, but you fell into the common pitfall of planning a wedding you can't afford. Since you have already made deposits and paid for several things the only thing I can think of is to cut your guest list. I know you have said you have tried but I'm sure cousin Julie would be happier that you are not in thousands of dollars in debt than if she went to your wedding. Also as pp suggested make the bar beer/wine only (just don't do cash bar or people will definately be upset). See if you can scale back on the flowers as well. Belhurst is very beautiful so flowers aren't 100% necessary. Talk to your FI about this seriously, you've got some big decisions to make. GL!

erinf02 · July 2009

as for planning a wedding we couldn't afford, we both didn't foresee my father losing his job 4 months ago. We were anticipating help from my parents, as promised when we did book the Belhurst in November of last year. I am confident it all will work out. Thanks for the help. I'm selling my boat if anyone is looking for one.

annabear07 · July 2009

Sorry that your dad lost his job, I didn't get that info from your OP. On the surface it looked like you were one of those that planned a big party with no way to pay for it.Anyways, I stick to my guns that cutting the guest list is the easiest way, then there are the unneccesaries like menu cards and programs, then reduced bar, then trimming the number of flowers. Good Luck and I really hope it works out!

faith194 · July 2009

We were promised money that we have yet to see(our wedding is in 8 days). However, we didn't spend any money that we didn't have in our hands. I'm glad we didn't count on the money that may or may not be given to us, because we would be in quite a bind(this is a good lesson to any new brides just starting out in the wedding planning process-unless you have physical access to the money, do not spend it!).I really do hope you can figure something out. The guest list is the easiest place to start, much like we did(as I said in a previous post). You still have time to work things out!

YouandMe912 · July 2009

I'm sorry to hear all of this. Just take a deep breath, this all will work out. From what I've read on here Carmen can take forever to get a hold of. We looked at Belhurst too and changed our minds but it is a very beautiful venue. I know a bride fairly recently got married there. Her sn was "amc" something i dont remember fully. but maybe she can help you a bit?again, just like everyone's saying, try to cut the guest list. other than that, you're doing the other things you can save on. HTH and GL

Rachel&Joe · July 2009

You have hired the most expensive florist in Rochester. They do a beautiful job, but SO expensive. I would cut the guest list. We only had 65 people & it was wonderful. No cousins, just parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and very close friends. Good luck!

prncsstp · July 2009

Okay - I know you said you have big families, but 250 ppl is alot... if you cant cut family, then start to cut friends. Im sure a true friend will understand... In terms of things to cut - definitely switch the bar to beer and wine only, with a cash option for liquor. THEN, limit the bar to say, two hours of open beer and wine, with an hour break for dinner. Then its cash bar from there... Did you already buy the favors?? If not, scrap them. Favors are overrated, and if something has to be cut, make it that. Did you already pay the florist their balance? If not, go for some cheaper flowers within the same florist, and cut centerpieces out! - again, after your wedding day, no one will remember what type of flowers you had, except you. Turn the centerpieces into candles, or something that is not a $20 per table centerpiece - $20 per table times 30 something tables (8 ppl per table, with 250 ppl) will really add up and help pay the reception down. I dont know the Belhursts policies or costs, but another idea is to talk to the Belhurst and try to change the menu to something cheaper but follow the same guidelines on your invite - instead of Filet Mignon, switch to Prime Rib, instead of Tuna, switch to Tilapia, etc... I dont know if you can renegotiate this w/ Belhurst, but you can try.... Lastly, if none of these options work ,then credit cards or loans is the only way to go. Backing out of contracts will still leave you liable for the balances, and you have to pay for it somehow. But this is a lesson for other brides. If your family says they are going to help pay for a wedding - get the money upfront, and work from there. Dont wait for the three month mark to roll around and realize that there is no money three to help pay for your wedding - unforseen things like job losses happen, but had you received the money from your parents first - this wouldnt have happened to you. And im not trying to sound harsh here, but this si a reality.

sly9377 · August 2009

Oh boy! Sounds like we have prob to fix! 1st Venue: If you are within an hrs drive of Belhurst, I would head over there to talk to the woman in charge, will make you life easier in the long run. You need numbers and you need them yesterday! 1a Food: I have a hard time beliving that a sit down was cheaper than a buffet, I would check those figures with Belhurst! I know for my reception (Golf Club) it is a $5 difference per person between buffet and sit down. If so for 220-250 you can potentially save $1100-$1250!!! (They charge you for cake cutting there???? That is crazy!!!!! I would have a thing or 8 to say about that!)2nd Guests: I would definitely look for any possible guests to cut, cousins, not so close friends, work acquaintances. 220-250 is ALOT of people, even if you have big families, you have to draw the line somewhere.3rd Bar: Moving on to the bar, I would highly suggest changing it to a beer, wine, soda bar and maybe a signature cocktail (a cheap liquor one).4th Flowers: Arena's is SOOOO expensive! As you have probably put a deposit down there (don't know how much), see if it is really worth it to lose the deposit (if like $100) and go with a less expensive, but just as nice florist, it could save you quite a few hundred dollars over so many tables. If you can't forfit your contract there, cut out the premium flowers to lower costs. Or possibly just candles for the tables.5th Favors: If you haven't bought them already, don't. That will save you a ton! If you have, maybe you can sell them to recoup some cash6th Paper goods: You can really cut costs by doing away with menu cards, programs (no one keeps those anyway), DIY your place cards (with a coupon you can get them at Michaels for $2.50 for 48)Let me say, I am sorry to hear about your dad's job loss, things like that never happen at a "good" time! Things will come together in the end, you just will have to buckle down for your budget. In the end the only thing that should matter is you are marrying your FI!! **hugs**

BelhurstBride · August 2009

We got married at the Belhurst last May. We had a cocktail hour with passed hor's, 4 hours of open bar with 2 hours of host bar and served the strip, haddock and chicken. (More than half the guests went with the strip.) We also added an hour on to the room rental. We had 200 people (250 on the GL) and came in right around $13k. I know the bar prices have gone up considerably since we were there. I agree, 220-250 is a lot. My mother has 11 brothers and sisters and my DH is from a traditional Italian family. As large as our families are we still could have cut the list had we needed to. And FWIW, looking back there are a ton of people I wish we didn't send that poliet invite to. I would have rathered a smaller event. (Or less obligatory invites and more friends.)

78 days left and DRAMA!!!

Re: 78 days left and DRAMA!!!

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