Nervous about wedding party (kinda long)

supergirl377 · July 2009

So I don't really want a wedding party...I have friends, dont get me wrong, but I dont feel like it is necessary to have them stand up there, buy a dress, etc. My fiance has three people he wants to stand up, probably 4 by the time the wedding comes. I am asking my sister (someone I WANT to be involved, no doubt) and then his sister (who forced her way in...LOOONG STORY). Then I have two friends I would like to ask from college (we just graduated). But what if we are not friends 10, 15, or even 2 years down the road? They are amazing girls, but I think someone who stands up at my wedding should be around for the long haul...am I taking this too seriously or what?

banana468 · July 2009

I think you're thinking of things appropriately. You should look at a wedding photo in ten years and know that you were surrounded by your nearest and dearest. Ask those who mean the most to you and no more. If that means you have one or two people or even zero people standing up, that's more than OK.If his sister is already in the WP it's too late to go back but if you don't want her in it, she can stand up on his side.

jeannigirl · July 2009

Well if they are close to you then ask. Who knows what happens down the road in 6 months or even years. I think that we all have the intentions of keeping our friendships, however things do happen and people do change. Its life and it happens and you just take one day at a time. You will look back and see that these were important people in your life at that time and maybe they will still be involved in your life 2,5.10 years or whatever from now. I look at it this way some people you have friendships with for a lifetime and some may be in your life for a short season, doesn't mean that they are less important.

salt78 · July 2009

I think you are being realistic and more people should approach it the way you are.You really don't have to have a wedding party outside of your sister (and your FSIL I guess) and the sides don't have to be even or anything.I only have one attendant. She is my best friend for the past 10+ years and is the closest thing I have to a sister. It's nice to know that I won't look back on my wedding pictures and regret who I picked. :-)

EastCoastBride · August 2009

Sides don't have to be even!!!! If you only want 2 and your FI has 4- that is FINE. DH and I got married in our early 30's. At the time, I was pretty confident that the people in our WP are people who will be in our lives 10, 20, 30 years from now. Like you- that ws important to me. By and large, I still feel that way w/ one exception. There is one guy who was in our party who we're still kind of in touch w/, but we acutally HOPE he isn't in our lives in 5 years. I think your line of htinking is right, but there is just no way to predict the future and how relationships or people will change.

trix1223 · August 2009

I'm going to ditto jeani on this one. You should surround yourself with people that you love ON your wedding day. And if the friendships last for 15 years, wonderful! But as you well know, friendships ebb and flow. I'm sure you have childhood, or high school, or even friends from your first year of college that you thought would be friends forever and ever. And now you're out of touch. That doesn't mean you weren't dear friends. It's just that friendships change. Some are long, long lasting, and some are for a shorter time. That doesn't mean that either is better though. To be honest, I've been married for 31 years, and keep in "Christmas card" touch with one bridesmaid. Of course, my sister who was my MOH is still dearest to me. The other 3 bridesmaids I haven't heard from/spoken to in more than 25 years. But that doesn't mean I wasn't thrilled to have them standing with me on my wedding day, because at that time, they WERE my dearest friends. You can't decide who's going to be in it for the "long haul", so choose who you love most in the present.

bablingbrooke · August 2009

I think there's really no way of knowing who you will be friends with in 10 or 15 years. Friendships change and people grow apart. But I do think you have the right attitude. I think the thing you want to avoid is looking back and cringing that so-and-so was asked only to fill out sides. I don't think there's anything wrong with asking a good friend from college that you do eventually lose touch with--you can at least say "Oh, there's X, we were such good friends. I lost touch with her when she moved to Tampa but she was so much fun at the wedding." I don't think it'll necessarily matter that X is still a big part of your life in 20 years, but you want someone you'll have fond memories about.

trix1223 · August 2009

ditto brooke. she said what I think-she just said it better than I did.

banana468 · August 2009

Brook did sum it up well.FWIW, my original post is referring to the notion that you should look at your photo in 10 years and know that the people there were your close friends - not wonder 'why' you bothered to have that person in your wedding at all.

khurley82282 · August 2009

My sisters and I agreed family was most important part of the wedding party as you know they will be around for the long haul so I opted for asking my 2 sisters and my mom and Fi asked his 2 brothers and my brother in law. I think it really is important to have the most important people in your lives stand up.

Nervous about wedding party (kinda long)

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