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Vent- Would you attend?

ShawnandKrisShawnandKris
100 Comments
in Wedding Woes
Quick background- Fi's friends wife has been dealing some drama. She wwas the reason that FI didn't ask her hubby to be part of our wedding party because of crap she pulled at our BM's wedding last year. Things have been going well within the grop and everyone has let stuff go months ago. My shower was 2 weekends ago. She RSVP'd that she was coming, sent numerous emails and facebook messages about being so excited to attend, if she could bring anything etc. The day of the shower she was a no show. I was worried when she wasn't there because it wasn't like her to just not show up. FI and our BM headed over to a friends house that afternoon, and she was there, hanging out all afternoon. She didn't speak to either one of them, but FI was assured that there was nothing wrong/sick/harmed etc it was because she didn't want to buy a gift. FI was very upset that she skipped the party. She's blown us both off since then which is very much not the norm. I was really hurt that she didn't make the shower because I was looking forward to sharing the day with her. I didn't say anything to her about it, beacuse I thought it would be wrong to bring it up and "call her out" about not coming or following up. Saw her on Saturday night at a gathering and she didn't mention it, the shower or the wedding at all. Something came up and she went on and on to our BM about the beautiful gift she bought them for his wife's  shower last year. I sat there the entire time and didn't know what to say. Now, we were just invited by email to attend her son's birthday party on Sunday. For year FI and I have gone to these parties for both of her kids, brought gifts and sometimes food. They always invite a large amount of people to these parties so that the kids can get gifts. We aren't that close to the kids, but always felt that we should be there because of the dynamics of our social group. The kids could care less if we are there or not. We weren't thanked or really acknowleged at their daughter's party in June. We are torn about going. They haven't attended any of our wedding events( engagement,shower, bachelor parties) I know this is petty, but they have known FI since the early parts of high school, we are talking over 20 years. I'm just annoyed, and upset that she didn't make my shower because of having to buy a gift, but now we are expected to show up with one on Sunday. I know it's petty BS, but I"m just hurt and annoyed. FI is really torn about going. Would you go if you were in our shoes?  
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Re: Vent- Would you attend?

  • ShawnandKrisShawnandKris
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I didn't ask her because I thought it would be wrong to bring it up to her after the fact. Since she saw FI and BM at the friend's house that afternoon and wouldn't speak to them, I knew she would take it as an attack if I brought it up to her later.
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  • ReturnOfKuusReturnOfKuus member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    It sounds like she double-booked herself on the day of your shower, and forgot about the shower. 
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  • Mrs.ThistletwatMrs.Thistletwat
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    So you're opting to take the passive aggressive route. If you want to know/are hurt that she hasn't come to anything you need to talk to her. As my husband puts it: This passive aggressive BS is just that. BS.
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  • **O-Face****O-Face** member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 25 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Why would you want to share your shower/etc with her if she is not even close enough to discuss things with? 
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  • MinMMinM
    10000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Two words: Cage Fight. Who ever wins gets a gift.
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  • ShawnandKrisShawnandKris
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    She might have, but she sent facebook and emails talking about it right up until the night before. That's why it didn't seem to make sense. She told another friend that she didn't want to have to buy a gift for the shower. We have a very close circle, and have been that way for years. I came into the group 6 years ago, so I don't have as much history as everyone else.  
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  • Future Mrs ButterworthFuture Mrs Butterworth member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    So you're roughly 35 and you haven't figured out she's just not that into you?Let me help you. She's just not that into you. Stop attending the parties. If friends split up over this, they weren't really friends in the first place. Don't uninvite her from the wedding if she's already invited, but don't count on her attendance either.
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  • hmonkeyhmonkey member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    sounds like you hate her.  might as well start hating her in public now, at her kid's party.  later, make it your fb status update. hth.
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  • ShawnandKrisShawnandKris
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Didn't put anything on Facebook about this at any time. She wrote me messages and posted on my wall about how excited she was to be able to come etc. I don't hate her or her kids. Was disappointed that she didn't attend. FI is upset that she wasn't there as she has been his friend for over 15 years. He said hi to her at her BIL's house that afternoon and she blew him and our BM off. Should I have called the next day, yeah probably, but didn't want to stir the pot back up with everyone involved because all of the guys were pissed that she didn't go. All of them being 4 in the group, who have been friends with her since High school, who feel that this is another attempt to get the group arguing and fighting again. So I left it alone.
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  • HookaPantsHookaPants
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Why are you typing like you're on twitter? Call your 'friend' and ask her WTH is up. It's not that hard. Don't use twitter, facebook, myspace, IM, text messaging, none of it. Pick up the phone, dial her number and use your WORDS.
    "I would be sad if sex was only about the climax, lame." Someone who is obviously doing it wrong
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  • Future Mrs ButterworthFuture Mrs Butterworth member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Also - maybe she's embarassed she can't afford a present for you, and being a btch is easier for her than admitting that, and don't think that you know her financial information, you may have no idea what she's going through. Or, maybe she's a tightass. Or maybe she has social anxiety, or maybe she's jealous. Calling her, as her concerned friend, and asking if everything is ok not only shows you have class, but you get to the heart of the issue quicker. If she isn't willing to even speak with you, what else can you do? BTW, I had a friend who treated me like this. I dropped her like a hot rock. I don't miss her or the "friends" I lost for dropping her.
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  • ShawnandKrisShawnandKris
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Holy Bat Shiit, has anyone read that I have NOT used Facebook, Twitter, Myspace, email etc. to contact her, speak to her, confront her etc.   I'm just asking for advice about going to a party. There is alot more to it than just one entry on the Knot. I didn't bring it up to her in person on Saturday night because my FI, and the other guys in our group are worried that this is an attempt to restart the shiit, that occured around the same time last year when our BM was getting married. That is why I haven't brought it up, fuel to the fire, and a request by all of them to let it be. She and I are the only women left in the group. BM and his wife are separated. Just wanted to see if you were in our shoes, if you would continue to go to the parties for the kids, spend 30 bucks a gift and food, for the sake of keep peace within the social group, or just not go.
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  • HookaPantsHookaPants
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Here: Obviously she doesn't give a fck about the friendship and keeping the peace, so why should you? Don't go to the party and cut her out of your life. HTH.
    "I would be sad if sex was only about the climax, lame." Someone who is obviously doing it wrong
    Photobucket
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  • hmonkeyhmonkey member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    you have not used facebook, twitter, myspace to communicate with her, but you have used it to keep tabs on her and her activities that are not related to your wedding. there.  is that clarified and correct for you?
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  • hmonkeyhmonkey member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    also, sounds like your little social group is disintegrating and sounds like a good thing, especially if you have to walk on eggshells around her.
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  • **O-Face****O-Face** member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 25 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Don't go, and be done with it.  It won't be easy or pretty, but take a stand and stop being upset when she doesn't come to your functions.
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  • ShawnandKrisShawnandKris
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Thank you for all for you advice. :) Just seems like we are reliving shIit that happened this time last year. It's hard to swallow for the whole gang. We are walking on eggshells around her, you are right about that.
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  • **O-Face****O-Face** member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 25 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    You'll all realize that you're on to her crap and she'll slowly disappear.
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  • VarunaTTVarunaTT member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    Well, it's rude to RSVP that you'll be there and then NOT be there w/out an explanation to you, since it was your party.  But, she did give an explanation later, though to your FI, which is going to have to be good enough.But no, I wouldn't go to her kids party.  If you're going someplace b/c of dynamics of social group, you don't consider her your friend.  So I wouldn't go.
    �
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