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My family is ATROCIOUS. Rant.

Warning, this is probably TL:DR I'm going insane right now. My sister/MOH is the least supportive person I've encountered, and my mother has taken it upon her (genuinely sociopathic) self to become a wedding dictator. My sister, upon finding out FI and I were dating, ran to our father trying to get him to forbid it on the grounds he's been divorced. Never mind the fact we're all adults, not religious, and my dad could care less as long as I'm happy. Their relationship has greatly improved, which is why I felt comfortable asking her to be my MOH. In fact, she's now comfortable to the point where he had to leave the room and later speak with her sternly at her recent birthday, because she (slovenly drunkenly) tried to put her hands down the back of his pants about 3 times in a 2 minute span. She's also VERY bitterly single, and since she's older than I am, is sullen, moody and depressed over my engagement, and I can't even discuss wedding plans with her without her crying. My mother is a liar and a gossip. Despite this, I love her, 'cause she's my mom. What I don't love is her telling aqcuaintances that since I haven't shared that much planning information with her, it means I'm thinking of calling it off. Or her attempting to make this HER wedding, and trashing every idea FI and I have. Which is why I'm not sharing that many details. Within weeks of announcing our engagement, she's decided on when, a color scheme, found a picture of the suit she wanted FI to wear, and (here's the kicker) a dress at a thrift store that I may as well get, since (in her head) it's just going to be immediate family at the ceremony. We've picked our date, since it has a lot of meaning to us (FI's dearly departed father's birthday, and our first official date), and every.single.time. I talk to her, the phone call goes like this "Why don't you get married in the fall, it's much nicer [than June...], and your colors will look better then. We really should have started working on this about a year ago. Maybe you can just postpone the reception until June, and I'll throw you guys a party in the backyard" My dad has been decent, taking the advice of a friend to heart (shut up, show up, pay up. FI and I are helping with the last part though) but has taken it upon himself to tell me how depressed my sister is, because everyone around her is getting hitched, and how mean my mother is. No Sh!t, huh?! I just needed to vent. FI has had to listen to me rant about this enough for the week, but I will burst if I don't get this out.

Re: My family is ATROCIOUS. Rant.

  • I'm confused.  Who's pants did she stick her hands down?  Your FI's?  Your father's?
  • I should add, the small wedding, thrifting and backyard party aren't a matter of finances. Her side of the family thinks EVERY major occasion should be celebrated either in a backyard, or at a Rod & Gun club. She thinks the ceremony should be that small because she doesn't think people are going to want to come anyways, so why invite them? They'll just come to the cookout.
  • My sister put her hands in FI's pants, he moved away, she repeated, so he left the room, and when he came back pulled her aside and told her it was grossly innapropriate. Definitely should have made that clearer.
  • If I were you, I would have punched her in the face.
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  • That's bizarre and inappropriate.  Not sure what to tell you about that.My sister/MOH was a total asshat about everything related to my wedding, too.  She had made up her mind before I was even engaged that I was going to be the biggest bridezilla ever, and so anytime I even mentioned my wedding, she would tell me I was being a bridezilla.  She hated all my ideas, dresses, bridesmaid dresses, etc.  So I stopped talking to her about anything wedding related.  She stood up next to me at the wedding and signed the marriage license, and that's it.  She kinda sucked about the whole wedding/MOH thing, I wish she had just politely declined, but she's my sister and I love her and outside of the wedding stuff, I always have a blast with her.If I were you, I would just stop talking wedding stuff with your sis and mom, and if she brings it up, change the subject, or say "that's not up for debate; the decision has already been made" or something to that effect.  Do fun stuff together that you used to do before and keep it non-wedding-related.  It will help remind you why you love them.Hope this helps.
  • One other thing: Who is footing the bill?
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  • How old is your sister?  It is obviously inappropriate that she was trying to grope your FI, but shouldn't you have been the one to speak to her about it instead of him?  "Speak with her sternly" sounds like he was scolding a 10 year old.Stop discussing your wedding plans with either your sister. Since your parents are helping you pay, your parents do have some say in the wedding planning.  If you want your mother to butt out entirely you'll unfortunately need to turn down their offer to contribute.  Then you and your FI can plan the wedding you want without input from anyone else.
  • Stop discussing your wedding plans with either your sister.Sorry, this should just say stop discussing your wedding plans with your sister.
  • I've said a million times that trying to sleep with the groom is the only acceptable reason to kick a member out of the WP.  So yeah.I would just elope.  For the money you spend on a wedding, you could take a nice loooong vacation.  I'd take that money, go have a private DW somewhere awesome, and then have an extended HM.  (AKA vacation from psycho family.)
  • It's a joint effort between us (FI and I) and my father. My dad has made it explicitly clear repeatedly though, that he doesn't care what we do, or how much it costs, as long as we wind up happy. He paid for 2 years of college for my sister, and a multi thousand dollar graduation present that he didn't for me, so he's using the money he'd set aside for that. It's looking like it's going to be a 50/50 contribution overall.
  • FI spoke to my sister like she was a 10 year old, because she had about the mental capacity of a 10 year old at the time. He spoke to her, because YOU have the right to tell people what is a bad touch to your own body.
  • Ok cool. I was just trying to clear that up. Your mom would be able to have some say if she is contributing monetarily, but it sounds like she's trying to run the whole show and that's just not right if you are also footing some of the bill. Maybe it's just because I don't have any older siblings, but if I were in your position, I wouldn't be able to talk to the sister at all after what she did. At least not for a good long time. That is just so inappropriate.
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  • Are your mother and father together?  Maybe I missed that.  I would have to agree dstination wedding with HM included sounds like a better way to go.  I don't care what relation you are to me you could be my identical twin and if you wanted to sleep with my FI you would not be welcome in my BP no way no how.  With your mother I would be saying a lot of I will take that into consideration, or under advisement! Move on and make your own plans!! 
  • Is this typical behavior from your sister?  Do you have reason to believe that she actually wants to sleep with your FI or was this just a one time thing where she was so drunk she would have groped anyone (not that this excuses her behavior)?  Was she apologetic after the fact?  I would definitely make clear to her that such behavior is unacceptable to both of you and will not be tolerated, but I wouldn't "fire" her as MOH on account of one incident.
  • This isn't entirely atypical from my sister, but I'd thought and hoped we'd gotten beyond that. She's never openly expressed feelings for FI, but he and I have discussed prior to this that she may well. (Long story, ultra short- she for a while before we started dating was our only connection to each other, and refused to allow him to speak to me. Overprotective, or jealous I don't know). She's also a pretty big hit with the guys if you know what I mean. When we got to her birthday, she was draped across some random, chewing on his shoulder. I don't plan on firing her, but it pisses me right off that she'd be so disrespectful, and I still haven't spoken to her. We've never had the best relationship, but I'd thought we'd come a long way. Now... I don't know.
  • She's also a pretty big hit with the guys if you know what I mean. When we got to her birthday, she was draped across some random, chewing on his shoulder.She sounds like she has serious insecurity issues and seeks attention from men to make her feel loved or desired.  I don't doubt that she is jealous of your relationship.  I can definitely understand why you'd be upset with her, and I would watch her like a hawk around your FI at any future get togethers.  You can only hope that she will at some point grow up and start feeling more secure about herself.
  • That really, really sucks. I'd seriously elope.And even though some pps were saying it was just one incident.. If the genders were reversed and it was the groom's brother trying to stick his hand up the bride's skirt not once but twice, pretty sure that would be grounds for ending the relationship or having a serious, serious talk. IMO.
  • I so love the bean dip theory. I would stop discussing the wedding with any member of your family that keeps hounding you about it. That sister thing I would def go to her and tell her that she needs to keep her hands where they belong and its not down your FI's pants. That is totally inapportriate and no respect to you at all. Then proceed to tell he if she does it again then you will knock her out. (hahaha)
  • I am sorry. I don't have any siblings, so I can't really vote on if your sister should stay in the wedding party, but I would say she should go.... do you really want to worry about her antics on your wedding day? I'm going to be the one person to give mom a benefit of the doubt and say that maybe she's just excited, and if ALL family events are done that way, maybe she doesn't know another. Then again, she's your mom and you know her best! OH, and yay for dad!!! He sounds like a good friend to you in all of this. My solution to people not wanting to realistically talk to you about wedding stuff. Find someone who does. For most of my engagement so far, I actually would talk wedding stuff with FI's cousin, who wasn't even in my wedding party. And it was awesome! So awesome that I actually out her in my wedding party now!
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