this is the code for the render ad
Second Weddings

Second Wedding Bummer

Hello... I need to ask a question, and this is the only place I knew to ask. I am getting married again at the age of 34. It is the second wedding for both of us. When we announced our engagement, we let everyone know that we planned to go to Las Vegas alone and get married. This, we said, would alleviate the need of everyone to make a big fuss. My first wedding turned into a mess due to feuding families and a lack of enthusium from my mother about my groom. Everyone (our friends AND families) protested and insisted that they wanted to be included. We felt bad and decided to host a wedding at our home. We are already living together and are comfortable financially. As I began to plan the wedding, I noticed that no one wanted to step up and participate. My bridesmaids and maid of honor all disappeared into the wood work. As the deadline for them to order their dresses neared, two of them cut off all contact completely and still haven't resurfaced. My mother avoids all wedding related topics. The grooms family isn't stepping up. My friends are no help. 6 weeks till the wedding, I called it off. I sent an email telling them all we were going to just go to Vegas due to "circumstances". My one remaining bridesmaid insisted on throwing me a shower. She invited all of the women on the original wedding guest list. 8 people showed up including me, the hostess, and our moms. I opened 2, count them, 2 gifts and received 2 gift cards to starbucks for 10 bucks each. My question is this... am I being a baby and unreasonable in thinking that this sucks? I feel like I'm worthless to all involved! What happened to celebrating my marriage plans?

Re: Second Wedding Bummer

  • edited December 2011
    That story is truly a bummer.  I really wish I could tell you that its a fluke, but I think its just not all that uncommon.  So to answer your question, are you being a baby - NO.  And are you being unreasonable to think it sucks? - NO.  However - are you worthless - again a resounding NO. And what happened to celebrating your marriage plans?  Nothing happened.  The person(s) who need to celebrate this are you and your Fi.  No one (first marriage or thirty first) cares as much about your wedding as you two do. So be sure to have a wonderful, memorable, joyful celebration of your marriage while you are in Vegas.  Make it meaningful to the two of you.  Do what will make your heart sing.  I think your mistake was agreeing to host a wedding party to appease the people around you- when it wasn't what you wanted.  And then expecting them to hold up their end of the "bargain" by remaining enthusiastic.  My experience is that when people say "we should..." they usually mean "somebody else should..."  and they desire to have their workload end at "I had a great idea for a party..."  Don't get down on yourself.  You have a wedding to get ready for.  And more importantly - a marriage to begin. ~Donna
  • edited December 2011
    Ditto, ditto, ditto. Go, have an AWESOME time, enjoy your wedding with your FI, and tell anyone that is "truly" disappointed to get on a plane and meet you in Vegas!
  • edited December 2011
    I would suggest that you and the groom do what is best for u all. Go to vegas and enjoy yourselves and think about everyone else when you get back after its all said and done. I have realized my self that you will not be able to satisfy everybody and what they want. All that matters is you and your soon-2-be husband. Go to vegas and have the time of your life. The family will get over it soon or later. As long as u and ur hubby are happy!!Takia
  • jlk67jlk67 member
    Fifth Anniversary 100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I agree with almost everything said above.  My advice is go to Vegas, get married, and be happy.  Don't let everyone else bring you down.
  • edited December 2011
    You are NOT WORTHLESS! You and your FI come to my town and get married and celebrate. Everyone here will say congrats to you. People love people getting married here! If you want a chapel there are a few really cute ones.  Check out the Las Vegas board! Most are destination brides there are a few of us that are locals.  If you have questions just ask.  When do you plan on coming? Marry the love of your life. Enjoy your moment who cares about the others being in on it or not let them know you are going and if they wanna come to grab a ticket like the pp stated      
  • karma007karma007 member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    We are doing the ultimate Vegas non-wedding, and it's perfect. We were going to elope, but some folks found out and wanted to come, so we sent out a few invites; I ordered a whopping 25, with an expected 20 people attending. We are planning our wedding as if no one were attending. My MOH is more sounding board than anything else, b/c in the begining, I didn't even expect her to attend. Details- Photo tour of the strip, for just FI and myself. Ceremony to be held at the Graceland Chapel. Afterwards, we are NOT (gasp...shock...) hosting a reception, but will invite folks to join us for dinner at a restaurant we've already chosen. There will be a cake (FI's favorite, no cake topper) and plenty of champagne. We'll see our guest off by noon the next day, and stay for a mini-moon. I'll admit to making a few favors, but no welcome bags or anything. I'm not stressing out, or spending a ton of money. Mostly, our friends are looking for an excuse to go to Vegas, so we've provided one. WE are getting married, not having a wedding. No drama, and not dipping in to our house-savings.The Las Vegas board is full of great ladies and good advice. Just remember that it's about you. Do what you want.
  • edited December 2011
    Thanks everyone! I feel better. As for the reply about not being gracious about the gifts... maybe I deserved that. I do want to say this though... It wasn't the lack of gifts that bothered me. It was the generalized lack of interest in my pending wedding. The overall lack of people showing up at all. I went from having a huge group of friends to having almost none. I planned a beautiful wedding, poured over bridal magazines, picked out favors, the cake, and all of that. Only to have it go up in smoke. I was really excited about that wedding. I even have the invitations that never got sent. I greatly appreciate my bridesmaid throwing the party. I greatly appreciate the 3 people who showed other than our moms. I just discovered that I wasn't as important to the others as I thought. I will take your advice, ladies, and put it behind me. I will go have a great wedding in Vegas and forget the wedding that wasn't.
  • edited December 2011
    Complaining about gifts is ungracious but really, who gives $10 Starbucks cards as a bridal shower gift?  That's something you give your postman or your kid's teacher as a little thank you gift.
  • edited December 2011
    Well. I'm sure my fmil meant well. It was just a shock, I expected something more heart felt.
  • edited December 2011
    Your fmil gave you a $10 Starbucks card for a bridal shower gift?  Holy cow! 
  • edited December 2011
    Yep... This is what I'm saying. Perhaps now you see why I was offended by the "celebratory" response to my wedding. My mom even went so far as to pick a fight with my FI the night before. What a joyous time.
  • edited December 2011
    Definitely go to Vegas as you originally planned - maybe you could regift the starbucks card to your fmil for Christmas!On the bright side, at least she set the bar low for any future gifts!
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards