Priest and outdoor wedding

shannonamore · February 2010

Hi,

My fiance and I are both Catholic, but want to get married outdoors in the botanical gardens where we both attended college. My mother is concerned that if we do not have a priest marry us it will be difficult to find a church that will allow us to christen our children there.

Is anyone else in this situation or heard of someone in this situation? Please Advise!!!!

rlb81 · February 2010

It will be difficult to find a priest that will marry you outside of a church. Not only that, but your marriage will not be recognized by the church as a sacrament if it isn't held either in a church or in a graveyard... those are also some things to consider.

ootmother2 · February 2010

It's pretty difficult to find a priest who will marry you outside unless it's one of those "rent a priest" deals. These are priest who were ordained but have left the priesthood. I have no idea how to find one and I doubt the marriage would be valid in the eyes of the church.

You love the gardens at the college you attended? Why not have a real Catholic priest marry you in the college chapel and have your photos done in the gardens?

University chapels are much like military chapels and are considered proper by the Catholic Church in almost all cases. I've been to several Catholic weddings like this, most recent was at the Newport Naval Base Chapel. You may need permission from the diocese but I've never seen a problem with that.

Good Luck!

rlb81 · February 2010

There is actually a website for the Rent A Priest... my cousin is getting married at her reception venue (her fiance is divorced= therefore no church). Their officiant is Catholic, left the priesthood, got married and THEN got divorced!!!!! They are still "real" priests, but like PP said, have left the priesthood.

My bigger concern for you is that you realize the marriage won't be considered a sacrament in the eyes of the church.

Ootmother's suggestion for a university chapel and then pictures in the garden sounds like a good alternative.

Since you're both Catholic, why don't you want to get married in a church, if you don't mind me asking?

shannonamore · February 2010

To me I don't realy care either way. I used to go to church every Sunday even while in college but over the past couple years we have basically just been going to Holidays. It is something that my fiance really doesn't want so thats the main reason. I actually have a friend who is ordained and would rather just use him but my mom is very converned about the children we may have in the future.

So I guess getting a rent a priest would be pointless if it is not going to get recognized by the church anyway!!

Calypso1977 · February 2010

rent a priests are not in communion with Rome, therefore they have no authority to perform marriages.

i would use the friend you have who is an ordained priest, although he will most likely tell you teh same thing, that you have to be married in a church, that it cannto be outside.

As far as your future children go, if you are not married in teh catholic church you might very well have trouble getting them baptized. some will do it, most wont. the reason tehy wont is if you are not practicing catholics, tehy may have reservations about baptizing a child that will not be growing up in a catholic home. it sounds like you may have to have a frank discussion with your fiance and how he sees religion fitting into your married and family lives. did you stop going to church except on holidays when you started dating your fiance? maybe that is more of where your mothers concern lies. she may feel that you are "falling away" from teh church, and that ifyou marry outside of the church, and do not receive your sacrament, that you will never attend regularly again, particularly if you do not have the support of your fiance.

OOT has the best suggestion.

meltoine · February 2010

Ditto Calypso.

You can't have a Catholic ceremony outside a church. Priests who have left the priesthood cannot perform Catholic ceremonies, and in most cases, they cannot perform legal ceremonies either. I know in New York, the law says that the clergy member must be in good standing with their religious organization.

You will have trouble baptizing your children because as far as the Church is concerned, you will not be married.

Why not have the ceremony in a church and the reception in the gardens, like OOT suggested?

Theresa626 · February 2010

I'm going to go against the grain here. If it isn't important to you to have a Catholic wedding or to attend church regularly, I don't really see a reason why you should have one just because your mother wants you to. The other people here have told you the facts and if not getting your children baptized or raising them Catholic isn't important to you then I wouldn't change your wedding plans because of it. If you change your mind, you can do a convalidation ceremony where the Catholic church recognizes your marriage and you go through pre cana. That way you will be in good standing and can get your children baptized later if you want. Just so you know, a lot of the churches around here require you to donate on the envelope system for a minimum of six months to "prove" that you are going to church before you can have your child baptized there. They do the same thing for weddings. So even if you get married in the Catholic church, you might still have problems getting your children baptized if you don't go regularly.

mbcdefg · February 2010

I've attended baptisms for children whose parents were not married, and for children whose parents had a secular marriage. However, that might depend on the parish and the individual priest.

If your marriage isn't performed in a church by a Catholic priest (a real one), then the Church will not recognize it. If you don't care about that, then that's fine ... have a secular ceremony in the garden.

I personally don't understand why you wouldn't want to marry in a church and receive the sacrament, but would want your children baptized, if you don't attend church in the first place. It's fine to not follow a certain religion, but why baptize your children into said religion if you don't follow it yourself?

rlb81 · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_priest-outdoor-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:615Discussion:be7f782d-624e-4f25-b866-bb5e3953dbcdPost:0f50b18c-523c-4c36-b194-fd4d141430a3">Re: Priest and outdoor wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]I personally don't understand why you wouldn't want to marry in a church and receive the sacrament, but would want your children baptized, if you don't attend church in the first place. It's fine to not follow a certain religion, but why baptize your children into said religion if you don't follow it yourself?
Posted by mbcdefg[/QUOTE]

This. Don't be concerned with baptizing your children because it's what your mother wants you to do. Obviously we all hold our parents opinions to a very high standard, but this is now a decision between you and your husband (the baptism).
Additionally, I don't understand why your mother would be so concerned with your unborn children and not with you getting married outside the church, if religion is so important to her.

It seems like religion was important to you at one time. Planning our Catholic ceremony has brought FI and I so much closer together in our religion, you'd be amazed. That could have a lot to do with the fact that our pastor is much more "modern" and liberal, and we couldn't be happier with him.

Just remember, you are making these decisions for yourself and no one else. Our families will always play a role in the ways we do things. But now you are starting a new family with your FI and you really need to decide if practicing Catholicism is going to be a part of this family. Since your FI isn't practicing, does he have an opinion (or concern) as to whether your future children will be baptized?

rs2685 · February 2010

Oh please, almost none of these couples who get married in a church and receive sacrament follow the religion to a T anyway!

I am sure everyone has waited until their wedding night to have sex too! HA

Any church who wouldn't baptize your children is NOT a church you want to be part of. If they want to keep these strict rules than they are only killing their own following.

Gardens are pretty! GO GARDENS! WHOOO!!!!!!!

Riss91 · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_priest-outdoor-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:615Discussion:be7f782d-624e-4f25-b866-bb5e3953dbcdPost:52ac571c-f318-4740-88b5-7e5a8b0c8c41">Re: Priest and outdoor wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh please, almost none of these couples who get married in a church and receive sacrament follow the religion to a T anyway! I am sure everyone has waited until their wedding night to have sex too! HA Any church who wouldn't baptize your children is NOT a church you want to be part of. If they want to keep these strict rules than they are only killing their own following. Gardens are pretty! GO GARDENS! WHOOO!!!!!!!
Posted by rs2685@aol.com[/QUOTE]

Sorry - you struck a nerve!

- This isn't about not following a religion to a "T". Clearly not everyone is perfect - otherwise the word "sin" would not be in our vocabulary. The church does not ask you to be perfect, but to try your hardest and repent when you have gone astray.

- Why would you want to be part of a church that bends the rules? Don't you want to belong to something with a solid foundation of guidelines? I personally feel like there's something special about having a wedding or baptism that requires you to be devoted to a religion. It's a matter of upholding higher standards.

- Also, I believe the church would allow you to baptize your child, as long as you went through the proper procedures to be re-aligned with the church. As pp stated - why would the church want to baptize a child into a home where neither parent believes in the Catholic fath? People always seem to want something for nothing and yet they blame the chruch for not accomodating.

- Yes, gardens are gorgeous. But a church with a gorgeous altar and the blessing of a sacrament is way more beautiful in my opinion.

rs2685 · February 2010

Sorry - "Id rather laugh with the sinners"

My vote - In the gardens...find a church that will baptize your children, send them to Sunday school and let them decide whether they want to follow one day or not.

FAITH SHOULD BE FREE!

Plus, if your a good person and you recycle, your good in my eyes!

rlb81 · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_priest-outdoor-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:615Discussion:be7f782d-624e-4f25-b866-bb5e3953dbcdPost:04c05504-8c06-4389-a606-48f0293efc65">Re: Priest and outdoor wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]Sorry - "Id rather laugh with the sinners"
Posted by rs2685@aol.com[/QUOTE]
Then why are you posting here on the Catholic board? The OP asked a question and she got accurate responses from several people, all suggesting similar things.

rs2685 · February 2010

I am posting bc I knew this poor girl would only get biased opinions...some of the women who have responded have thousands of posts probably all in which push their beliefs onto others.

(I am not speaking about all of you..some have valid and nice opinions)

I think she should do what she really wants. It is her and her husbands day and nobody else's.

Plus, its just waaaayyy to easy to get a rise out of some people, haha.

Riss91 · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_priest-outdoor-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:615Discussion:be7f782d-624e-4f25-b866-bb5e3953dbcdPost:f84f38d5-b350-415b-8167-81645839c518">Re: Priest and outdoor wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]I am posting bc I knew this poor girl would only get biased opinions...some of the women who have responded have thousands of posts probably all in which push their beliefs onto others. (I am not speaking about all of you..some have valid and nice opinions) I think she should do what she really wants. It is her and her husbands day and nobody else's. Plus, its just waaaayyy to easy to get a rise out of some people, haha.
Posted by rs2685@aol.com[/QUOTE]

LOL! That's awesome!

akhensley81 · February 2010

I would call or visit a priest that you know/trust to ask him about this. Maybe talk to the priest at your parents' church? I am also having a Catholic wedding, and the Deacon we're working with on our pre-cana activities has more than once told us that ANY marriage (whether it's performed in a court room, or in a different religion) is recognized by the church - so therefore you should have no problem baptizing your children in the Catholic church, if you wanted to. But certainly I would say, go directly to the source and ask the question. I'm sure it wouldn't be the first time they were asked something like this.

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