Anouncing Hawaii - vent vent vent

SJ&GM · August 2009

So I announced that we wanted to get married in Hawaii, and not all responses were good. The one that I really wanted to be good was my mother's (no support). Did you ladies go through this also. I just feel as though it is our wedding and if you want to be there regardless of where it is. You will try. If you can not make it or afford it, even on a payment plan, then we will see you when we get back to Los Angeles. Very frustrating!

BoBride28 · August 2009

I'm sure it happens to just about everybody. To this day I still have people asking me why I chose a location so far away (I'm on the east coast). But in terms of your mother, I'm sure it will take her some time to warm up to the idea but hopefully she will come around. Let her and everyone else know that in addition to your wedding, this will also be a vacation of a lifetime for your family and friends. Also, many of us who have a destination wedding also plan an at home reception for those who can't make it so its the best of both worlds. It is frusturating, but hopefully it all works out in the end!

kaesha · August 2009

Yeah, I think that's something we all experience. Only about 30% of invited guests actually come to a destination wedding - and there will be some people who you'll miss. It's just part of the trade off for a magical place like Hawai'i.

carrieoz_76 · August 2009

We TOTALLY had this reaction from some people. I found that when I told people we were "thinking about" the idea of a Maui wedding, some people seemed to think that meant that they could give me their .02. However, once we actually decided to for sure do this, that lessened and we got more support. I learned a valuable lesson there. If I don't want input, I just need to tell people my decision.Fortunately, while I was concerned that some people would not be receptive, especially my dad, everyone has been supportive so far. Some people are concerned they might not be able to make it, but most people are telling me they'll be there (I expect serious attrition, but for now it's nice to hear).So stick with it.. They'll get over it. :)Carrie

inamra · August 2009

Ditto on what the other girls said...ppl always ask why Hawaii, usually with a confused or disapproving look on their faces. Even though destination weddings are common nowadays, still a lot of people haven't really heard of them or been to them or "approve" of them, esp with older generations. So you're not alone. Hope your mom warms up to it--it takes some time for ppl to get used to it...good luck!

peachmango · August 2009

We got that reaction from some people too. I think you're always going to have people like that. Sorry your mom is not more supportive but just give her some time.It's your wedding and you're giving people ample time to plan ahead so if they want to be there, they'll be there.

sandyhorne · August 2009

Ours was a little different. When we made the decision to get married in Hawaii we talked about it and said are we prepared to do this alone (us and our 2 kids) because nobody is going to come to Hawaii to see us get married for the umpteenth time LOL (I've been married twice, FI once). FI's family from Chicago just doesn't travel, his parents have never enjoyed it, and my friends.....they have been through this before on a much, much smaller scale. We decided this is what WE wanted regardless. So we tell everyone......and now we're up to 30 people going. And this is just the people that I know have made their hotel reservations so far. So for us, our small wedding alone on the beach has turned into a huge family party and yes ALL of FI family is coming lol. Every family is different it's just takes some longer than others to grasp the idea. Do what YOU want and the rest will fall into place.

MAKohler1986 · August 2009

The majority of my extended family said they will absolutely not go, including my grandma (that really hurt). But then we also found that a ton of our friends and friends of our families want to fly out there for it! We already have 27 "YES" confirmations and a ton of maybe's, and we haven't even sent out the Save-the-Dates! There will always be someone who complains, but in the end it's about what you and your future hubby want. If you stand firm in your decision, and keep telling them that you are so excited for your wedding in PARADISE, I think you might be surprised at the amount of people who will shut up and maybe even join you.

kaesha · August 2009

I think the thing for me was the number of 'yes' or 'no's changes dramatically once people actually have to pay for plane tickets.We had about 60 verbal confirmations of yes, and we knew that would change - and it did dramatically. Don't get your heart set on anything, is kind of the way I look at it, not until people actually drop the money!

vanilla15 · August 2009

I 100% understand what you are saying & it is very frustrating. My mom was the exact same way...she pouted about it from the beginning. Even on the plane there, she still complained & gave me a hard time, telling me it was a good thing my grandmother was not alive b/c she would have never forgiven me for this!! (seriously...i am getting married in Hawaii...not bringing bodily harm to anyone!?!) Anywho, by the end of the trip, she apologized & said I was 100% right & everything was perfect AND if she ever got remarried, she would do it just like I did in Hawaii! My (step) sister didn't make it to the wedding at all. Some people will do their best to make it & others won't, but you've just got to remember, it is not about them, just you & your fiance!

jamocaalmndfdg · August 2009

I know that it is very frustrating to hear the complaints and moaning especially from your mother. I had experienced that as well as other brides here. You must remember that THIS IS YOUR DAY!!! Whether or not people attend, you are still marrying the love of your life. Your world will continue to spin. If people want to be there, they will be there and if they don't it is ok too. The excitement of marrying him will not diminish, your first kiss as man and wife will not be less passoniate and walking on the beach hand and hand with the sun setting in the background will not be less amazing. Remember this is your moment, do not let anyone steal your moment.I wish you and your FI as much happiness and joy that your hands and heart may hold. But most of all, I wish you LOVE. Enjoy your moment!!!

lmydogally · August 2009

When we decided to go to Hawaii, my family was ready go and excited. Tony's dad looked us in the eye a said "no one will want to go to Hawaii so why don't you just elope in Vegas." We were really taken back and hurt and we weren't going to invite anyone. Then today, we finally came to a conculsion that even if Tony's Dad doesn't come, we do have family and friend who will and want to. Don't let it get you down, your mom will be the one missing out but she's not getting married, you are. Sorry you have to deal with this, it's a sucky feeling.

SJ&GM · August 2009

Thank you ladies, especially Vanilla15, i really needed to hear that!!

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