To register or to not register...

Eradyn · May 2011

I am debating about registering or not...my fiance and i have pretty much everything that we need so what i was thinking about doing was instead of registering (my fiance and i are paying for the entire wedding and it is a very expensive wedding) since we are paying for the wedding we are not going to be able to pay for our honeymoon until we save money for about a year or more so i was thinking about registering for a honeymoon, so instead of getting us a gift they contribute to our honeymoon..is that a tacky idea??

hlq2011 · May 2011

Yes, it's tacky. In fact, my aunt's partner asked me about this at my shower this weekend, and was very much unimpressed by the idea (she heard about it from a bride she works with, who has one).

There is a link on the main page of this board with info about honeymoon registries. I suggest you read it.

If you only want cash, don't register or have a very small registry (for guests who are going to give you a physical gift regardless, and there will likely be a few). And then spread the word (via word of mouth) that you're saving money for X.

And forgo all showers. Showers are for physical gifts, not cash contributions.

Wiscisbliss · May 2011

Many people like to give physical gifts, having a registry gives them some options so they aren't completely winging it at the store. I would have a small traditional registry (no matter if you have a HM registry or not) with items that could use an upgrade. Who doesn't love a set of fluffy new towels or crisp new sheets? Always wanted a wafflemaker, but think it is a little silly? - Put it on your registry.

jessicabessica · May 2011

What hlq said. And here's the link to the post at the top of this board with things to think about before starting a honeymoon registry. http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_thinking-of-honeymoon-registry

ShakeUpTampa · May 2011

Since you said you can not afford it for like a year I think doing this is a bad idea, because 1) you can not buy it in advance and then cover it with cash gifts 2) If the funds do not add up on the registry for the honeymoon to cover what you were going to do you have to pitch out the rest soon I'm sure to book that honeymoon

FI and I can not afford an all inclusive resort as I would DREAM OF because we want to buy a house within 3 months after the wedding so we are probably going to go on a short cruise or maybe Disney/nice resort for a few days, cell phones off and just get a mini getaway before house hunting :-) Goal would be to take the all inclusive before having kids :-)

aegrish · May 2011

A honeymoon does not help you furnish your home and kitchen as a couple as traditional registries do. I do not believe that you have every.single.thing that you need for your home. that is impossible. Certainly you could use an upgrade on items too.

cusi229 · May 2011

my FI and i have been living together for almost 2 years. we also have all the main stuff. but i have got to tell you, registering was SO FUN! we went to crate and barrel and macys so far and we registered for so many cool gadgets and things that we just normally wouldn't go buy ourselves. and you can also register for stuff you may need some upgrades of, you know, new plates, maybe new cups or silverware. I think when I send out my bridal shower invites I'm going to give where we are registered and also say they can donate to our honeymoon fund as well. that way people have a choice.

hlq2011 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_register-not-register-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:38f23f7b-c4a8-4055-a01d-d6932f1d43b6Post:1bd7ca48-a5bc-4caa-af87-2e1108fd9796">Re: To register or to not register...</a>:
[QUOTE]my FI and i have been living together for almost 2 years. we also have all the main stuff. but i have got to tell you, registering was SO FUN! we went to crate and barrel and macys so far and we registered for so many cool gadgets and things that we just normally wouldn't go buy ourselves. and you can also register for stuff you may need some upgrades of, you know, new plates, maybe new cups or silverware. I think when I send out my bridal shower invites I'm going to give where we are registered and also say they can donate to our honeymoon fund as well. that way people have a choice. :)
Posted by cusi229[/QUOTE]

Please reconsider doing a honeymoon fund.

Would you rather get $50 from your guest, or $42, because the service you're using charges an 8% fee?

You'll get cash regardless. I've gotten a couple hundred in cash. Don't do a honeymoon registry.

BeccaMichelleS · May 2011

My SIL did honeyfund, and loved it....
I did a wishpot list, and have a couple of add-ons like a sunset sail and a kayak rental on it....and we are considering putting airfare to Ireland on it (wishpot links to a paypal account and people can contribute amounts to a large gift.)
If I were you I would do a small tradional registry (which is easier than you think even when you have been living with your mate for two years like we have also been) and also for some honeymoon stuff. Some guests will be more traditional and others will be more into giving you an experience rather than a blender...

MNVegas · May 2011

Yes, it is tacky to ask other people to pay for your HM,especially when you can't even afford it yourself. Asking for cash is inappropriate even when you try to disguise it as a HM registry. People already know that cash is an appreciated gift, they don't need to be asked to give it. Do a small registry and people will get the hint that cash would be a welcomed gift. Use that money and plan a HM you can afford.

lsvensson · May 2011

I'm going to disagree with almost all of the PPs and say no, it's not tacky, go ahead and do a HM registry if the thought of having to register for the oh-so-cliched $400 KitchenAid stand mixer makes your skin crawl. BUT (this is a big but), as PPs warned, don't open up a HM registry and expect to rely on it to pay for your HM; plan a HM you can afford and add things to you HM registry you wouldn't be able to otherwise experience (i.e., an expensive dinner at a restaurant, a nice couples' massage at the hotel spa).

FWIW, I've got a HM registry, but I also have a smaller, physical gift registry on MyRegistry.com. My regular registry only has about 40 items on it (many of which are small kitchen utensils for a Bridal Shower that I suspect my MOH/MOB are throwing me), so for those who are old school and want to buy a physical gift, there's that option. For the rest of the world, they can get you meaningful HM experiences that would have been out of financial reach otherwise. (For those folks, maybe consider taking pics of you and FI doing the activities they got for you, and send it in your Thank You cards).

JuneMaggie · May 2011

I totally agree with the person above me- I think they are fine and no more "tacky" than registering in general. Asking for a gift if asking for a gift, regardless of how you ask for it.

I have both- a brick and mortar store for people who would prefer to go that route and and a "wish" registry at www.uponourstar.com for things that are both honeymoon and remodel stuff for our house. I think there is something for everyone's range out there.

hlq2011 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_register-not-register-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:38f23f7b-c4a8-4055-a01d-d6932f1d43b6Post:87c9347a-85c5-4231-8880-dd6e24c06729">Re: To register or to not register...</a>:
[QUOTE]I totally agree with the person above me- I think they are fine and no more "tacky" than registering in general. <strong>Asking for a gift if asking for a gift, regardless of how you ask for it.</strong> I have both- a brick and mortar store for people who would prefer to go that route and and a "wish" registry at <a href="http://www.uponourstar.com" rel='nofollow'>www.uponourstar.com</a> for things that are both honeymoon and remodel stuff for our house. I think there is something for everyone's range out there.
Posted by JuneMaggie[/QUOTE]

A standard registry says "Here are some ideas for things we'd like."

A honeymoon registry says, "Give me money."

Cattidrie · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_register-not-register-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:38f23f7b-c4a8-4055-a01d-d6932f1d43b6Post:19ce69f1-2414-43ec-8fc4-a2047297439f">Re: To register or to not register...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: To register or to not register... : A standard registry says "Here are some ideas for things we'd like." A honeymoon registry says, "Give me money."
Posted by hlq2011[/QUOTE]

A standard registry says "Here are some items that we need for our household as a married couple."

A honeymoon registry says, "We have all the household item we need. However, if you would like to offer a gift, we would be grateful for any contributions to our honeymoon."

When you think of it, wedding registries really began back in the day when brides and grooms did not live together prior to marriage. More often than not, they were still living with their parents. So standard registries of household items were necessary. They are not necessary now. Alot of couples are living together for YEARS!!

My FI and I are doing a honeymoon registry cause we do not need any household items for the house. And the things we want to upgrade in the house are mostly high priced electronics. (FI is an IT geek) Too pricey to put on the wedding registry. If we did that would be tacky.

I say go for it..

hlq2011 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_register-not-register-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:38f23f7b-c4a8-4055-a01d-d6932f1d43b6Post:c180c8ac-ee66-4ae4-89fe-dbd4108b31ac">Re: To register or to not register...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: To register or to not register... : A standard registry says "Here are some items that we need for our household as a married couple." A honeymoon registry says, "We have all the household item we need. However, if you would like to offer a gift, we would be grateful for any contributions to our honeymoon." When you think of it, wedding registries really began back in the day when brides and grooms did not live together prior to marriage. More often than not, they were still living with their parents. So standard registries of household items were necessary. They are not necessary now. Alot of couples are living together for YEARS!! My FI and I are doing a honeymoon registry cause we do not need any household items for the house. And the things we want to upgrade in the house are mostly high priced electronics. (FI is an IT geek) Too pricey to put on the wedding registry. If we did that would be tacky. I say go for it..
Posted by Cattidrie[/QUOTE]

Good for you. But know that just because no one says to your face or to your parents that they think you're tacky, doesn't mean they won't be thinking it to themselves.

tub · May 2011

I am newly engaged, and to me registering sound quite tedious and daunting at the same time. It's hard when you feel like you both already own everything you need. I was debating the same thing as you until I found Registry10. Registry10 is a service offered by partyspace.com that allows you to register for things "out of the ordinary". You can add items ranging from a hot air balloon outside of Philly or a gift certificate to get a tattoo in Manayunk! I definitely changed my mind about registering once I found Registry10. Check it out if you are still contemplating your registry...www.partyspace.com!

hlq2011 · May 2011

Tub, go advertise somewhere else. Reported.

gossipgirl1983 · May 2011

I had the same dilemma.

First of all, it depends in part on your guests. Many of our guests are older and others are very very traditional, so we realized early on that we had to have a registry or we might risk offending those guests. And as you can probably see from this board, people have very different opinions on whether a honeymoon registry is appropriate or not. If you have a guest list of close family members that you know are open minded, go with the honeymoon registry!

My FI and I have lived together for two and a half years and I am obsessed with anything house-related, so as a result, I have a lot of nice appliances and plenty of things to decorate my home. That being said, we registered for some upgrades (a stainless steel, 4 slot toaster instead of a plain 2 slot toaster, etc.) and there were actually other things I didn't have (a featherbed - it's like sleeping on air!). I also recommend registering for fine china even if you don't think you'll use it, because you can indeed use it on special occasions and if you later decide you would like it, you won't want to go out and make that huge investment.

We're also paying for our own wedding and can't take a honeymoon right away. So we added a honeymoon registry! (www.honeyfund.com - no fees!).

This way, we have a traditional registry (albeit a somewhat limited one, after all, we don't need a lot of things) and a honeymoon registry. People who are offended by non-traditional registries can choose the traditional registry, and others can choose the honeymoon registry. Everyone's happy! Make sure you include things at different price points on the traditional registry.

And as a side note, I don't see how a honeymoon registry is any more tacky than a traditional registry - you are asking your guests for a gift either way, and in my opinion, material things will deteriorate, but your memories from your honeymoon will last. Just don't say anything like "cash only," and you should be fine!

saric83 · May 2011

I actually love it when people register for the honeymoon items, and I honestly find it to be a bit more tacky when an established couple registers for page after page after page of things they aren't actually in need of. Not that people are in "need" of a honeymoon anymore than expensive china : ), but in my circle, it's definitely not considered tacky or offensive to do a honeymoon registry because it's not as though people have to purchase from it. I totally understand why people like a traditional registry, but I personally would rather contribute to an experience rather than some towels.

marinabreeze · May 2011

A wedding registry is for gift ideas should someone want to give a gift. It's not required, which is why you don't volunteer the information unless someone is specifically looking for it. That's why word-of-mouth, shower invites (since that is a gift-giving event), and on one's website is fine, but why you shouldn't put it in wedding invites.

Also, people aren't obligated to give from the registry, a registry is simply a list of suggestions for people who might not know what the couple actually likes. A physical gift registry is for people to establish married life together. It doesn't even have to be things people "need" (a registry isn't a charity), but things that would be nice for the newly married couple to have for their home. Nothing rude or tacky about that.

However, a HM registry is just asking for cash. I don't get how some PPs want to frame it like people are paying for "experiences." They're not. Guests pay online, then the registry service cuts you a check for the amount minus service fees. It's just like putting your hand out. The only difference is that a middle man is putting their hand out for you and trying to make it sound cool and innovative.

hlq2011 · May 2011

Marina, you have more patience than I. I kept coming back here to try to respond again but I just got so sick of repeating myself, that I gave up.

Kristin789 · May 2011

Wedding gifts are supposed to be wonderful and heartfelt and long-lasting, mirroring the giver's fervent hope that the couple's marriage be wonderful and heartfelt and long-lasting.

By inviting these people to your wedding, you've asked your friends and family to be witnesses to your wedding ceremony, and as witnesses, those people are mentors for your marriage. Their gifts represent their acceptance of your request for their mentorship, and their gifts represent their presence in your lives and hearts forever.

When you see/use these gifts, you are reminded that you have a circle of people around you as a couple, people who you can call on, people who have pledged their support of you two as a couple. The following ideas do not match with what a wedding gift is supposed to represent, and in fact, just demand that people give you money instead of a wedding gift: a downpayment registry, a honeymoon registry, a “donation” to your fav charity, a money dance, a money tree, a greenback wedding or shower (where the guests bring cash), a plastic wedding or shower (where the guests bring gift cards), or an outright request for cash.

shortee426 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_register-not-register-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:38f23f7b-c4a8-4055-a01d-d6932f1d43b6Post:19ce69f1-2414-43ec-8fc4-a2047297439f">Re: To register or to not register...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: To register or to not register... : A standard registry says "Here are some ideas for things we'd like."<strong> A honeymoon registry says, "Give me money."</strong>
Posted by hlq2011[/QUOTE]

<div>Actually, a honeymoon registry says "Give me money. But only 92% of what you really wanted to give me."</div><div>
</div><div>That is the thing that bugs me most about HM registries. You are not even getting the full gift that your guests are giving you! HM registries take a percentage, generally about 8%, of the value. So if I gift you $100 toward your scuba diving trip, you're really only getting $92. However, if I hand you $100 and say "use this toward your honeymoon" you are getting the full $100 value.</div><div>
</div><div>If you want money for your honeymoon, rather than gifts, that's ok IMO. But a HM registry is really the worst way to go about it. Rather spead the word to your parents and BP so that when people asked where you are registered, they can respond "They have a small registry at Macys, but they really are saving up so they can take an awesome honeymoon!" Your guests will understand, you'll get money (the full value) for you honeymoon, and no one will be offended.</div>

MyNameIsNot · May 2011

I'm pretty open-minded, but the idea of registering for money will never be ok to me. A HM registry is just a disguised cash registry, which makes it even worse, IMHO. At least with a straight up cash registry, your guests know what they're giving you.

People know they can give you cash. They look to a registry because they would prefer to give a physical gift rather than a cash gift.

Travelnut · May 2011

I understand how you feel. At first I was not going to register and just hope for cash since we are in the process of buying some new furniture and pretty much have 2 of everything we need since we live separately. But then I realized that some people will want to give a physical gift.
Today, I started surfing the Macy's website and surprisingly was able to come up with about 15 items that would be nice to have ... more upscale items that will last like a stainless steel garbage can, upscale food processor and blender, nice coffee machine, etc as well as a few lower end things like a non-stick cookie sheet and a wine cooler for picnics. I feel that is enough items to satisfy the people who want to give gifts plus I am excited to be able to unwrap a few gifts! Good luck.

Cattidrie · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_register-not-register-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:38f23f7b-c4a8-4055-a01d-d6932f1d43b6Post:fae9f563-6a97-4f4e-a5a1-230b03fd2a6e">Re: To register or to not register...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: To register or to not register... : Good for you. But know that just because no one says to your face or to your parents that they think you're tacky, doesn't mean they won't be thinking it to themselves.
Posted by hlq2011[/QUOTE]

Of Course!! It's a wedding!! Everyone wil have an opinion about it regardless of what you do or don't do! Look at this board and this website!

The overall point is to do what you feel makes you happy and forget what everyone else thinks. That is the most important..

As for me, I guess I'll jut be tacky! <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-money-mouth.gif" border="0" alt="Money mouth" title="Money mouth" />

To register or to not register...

Re: To register or to not register...

Choose Another Board

Search Boards