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Matron and Maid of Honor advice

kayce625kayce625 member
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in Moms and Maids

My older sister is my matron of honor and i was her maid of honor when she was married......but i want my best friend to be my maid of honor and have them just share the role. I just dont think my sister is going to take that well. At some point i had already asked my best friend to fill the roll as maid of honor (after one to many cocktails :(, oops) So now i cant take it back and i dont want to....but how do i tell my sister without her being upset?

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Re: Matron and Maid of Honor advice

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    LoveMuffinsLoveMuffins member
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    edited December 2011
    Could you tell her that because you are so close to both of them that you want them to be co-MOHs? Or could you just tell her that you're so excited, because you're lucky enough to have two such special ladies that you're going to have a Matron AND a Maid of Honor, and then ask her to be the one to sign the marraige certificate? That way she still gets the main "duty" of being the MOH.
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    em01092em01092 member
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    edited December 2011
    She would have no right to say anything if she was miffed. Just because you were her exclusive MOH doesn't mean she must be yours. 

    Explain to her that your best friend is also very important to you and you want her to have the position of esteemed honor, but split up the duties as PP suggested, like have your sister sign the marriage license/ hold your bouquet, and your friend give a toast at the reception or vice versa. The other (not toasting at R) could also give a toast at the RD.
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    4LeafClover34LeafClover3
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    edited December 2011
    I agree with PP. You just need to tell her that you are close with your best friend too and love both of you girls so much that you want to honor both in that way. She shouldn't be pissed. I have two maids-of-honor and they are both fine with it. One is my best friend and the other is my sister. They are close too so it was really easy for me. But honestly, she has no right to be mad.
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    graysquirrelgraysquirrel member
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    edited December 2011
    I don't see any reason why you can't have a matron and maid of honor. I was at a recent wedding where both gave speeches and one got to sign the register. Weddings don't have to be tit for tat. Let both know that they are special to you and how important it is to have both of them at your side. That should mean more than a title. 
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    Matty143Matty143
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    edited December 2011
    My sister is my matron OH and my BFF is maid on honor. They have both been involved/helpful and to my knowledge, they are planning my shower, etc together.
    You can have both and not hurt anyones feelings.
    Your sister may be very excited to be your MatOH because you were her MOH, so give her the chance to share it with your friend.
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    montyandkellyskimontyandkellyski
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    edited December 2011
    I have a similar dilema - my best friend since high school is married, so she is my matron of honor, but she lives in CA (2000 miles away from me) and can't afford to fly out except for the wedding.  My good friend that lives in the same city as me is now my maid of honor because she is planning my shower and my bachelorette party, I felt like she needed special recognition as well.  It hurt my matron's feelings, but I explained to her the situation and that I still want her to stand right beside me for the ceremony, yada yada yada.  I suggest writing your sister a nice letter telling her how awesome she is and maybe some of your favorite memories and how excited you are to share your day with her, and do the same for your maid.  That way they both know how much the mean to you before the weekend of your wedding and can put aside any feelings of hurt they may have.  Also, toasting to them is a nice touch for the RD.
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    Stayc516Stayc516
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    edited December 2011

    I've had some experience on the situation. My sister wanted to do that co-MOH thing and it really hurt and pissed me off. I had been looking forward to being MOH since I found out she was getting married. She eventually decided to just make me MOH. Family is forever and who knows how long that friendship will last. If your sister was total b!tch to you then I would understand putting your BFF as MOH. But it sounds like you have a pretty good relationship with her. Trust me, it's better to have family first.

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