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Wedding Etiquette Forum

ARGH!!! MOH issues.. HELP!

ok so this is my first post, i usually try to think things through myself, but I feel I really need some opinions/thoughts from fellow knotties. My older sister and I were never really close, but i asked her to be my MOH because she's my sister and I knew she would be hurt/upset if I didn't, but now she is giving me SUCH a hard time about everything. I don't know if she's jealous because I'm getting married before her, or what, but I feel like she is always trying to point things out about the wedding to try to make me feel bad. She gives me a hard time about the colors I chose, she has to point out that no one will come to my wedding if I have too far (I currently live in another state than my fam), makes me feel bad that I wanted to have a smaller budget instead of going all out, and says things like, "if i HAVE to be your MOH, I guess I'll through you a bridal shower, but no bacherlorette party because you're a prude". I wish I had her support and help, but instead she gives me more stress than I need.And it sucks because when I asked my two best friends to be my bridesmaids, they were so happy and honored, but when I asked my sister to be my MOH she just said, "I guess". :(  The fact that she didn't even care kind of hurt my feelings.What should I do? Should I confront her about how she makes me feel? I hate fighting, but I feel like she just wanted to fight with me (I want to tell her to grow up, we're not kids anymore!).Or should I demote her and pick another MOH or just have no MOH? (I don't think this would be nice though, I don't want to cause any drama.)

Re: ARGH!!! MOH issues.. HELP!

  • I might ask her if she really wants to do this because she keeps saying "If I HAVE to do it". If she says no, there you go. But I would not replace her. Just have your two bridesmaids. You don't want to just have someone to 'fill in' spaces.
    "In the old days my ass would be in your back yard picking cotton, so excuse me if I don't put much stock in how f*cking awesome the old days were." -Nuggs
  • Don't demote her.  That's not going to fix the situation.You need to talk to her and tell her how you're feeling.  She is your sister afterall.
  • DO NOT DEMOTE HER.  That is SO rude and immature, how would you feel if someone did that to you? As for the rest of it, yeah it sucks that she doesn't have the same ideas as you, but you're just going to have to get used to it.  No one else cares that much about your wedding, they probably don't take the things they say nearly as seriously as you do.  Also,  it is not her responsibility to give you a shower or a bachelorette party.  If she wants to do that and offers, wonderful, but you should never ever ever make her feel bad for not doing something she doesn't want to do.  That is her prerogative.  You made the choice to ask her even though it doesn't sound like you wanted to.  Deal with it like an adult.
    Leo says hi. He's...special.
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  • OK...so here's an opinion from someone who has a bridesmaid situation that has been less than ideal.Your relationship with this person more than this one day.  Demoting your sister will drive a huge wedge in your relationship that will extend to many holidays and happy events to come.Is she jealous?  Maybe.  Is she stressed?  Maybe.  Is she out of line?  Maybe.  Is she your sister?  Yes.  That trumps it all. 
  • That sucks.  You can always ask if she still wants to be in the wedding.  If she still wants to, I would just not include her in things.  Don't mention the details and let her just buy a dress and show up.  If she askes why just mention that from her comments it did not seem like she was interested in the small details.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • First of all, Paragraphs are always a good thing.Now, just don't worry about it. Ignore her comments and try to enjoy things. It's true noone else is going to care as much about your wedding as you do and unfortunately, that includes your MOH.
  • Demoting her is both not the answer and a bad idea. Instead, you can talk to her to try to resolve any conflicts you see the two of you having as siblings. And if she wants to hurl insults, speak up! Say, "Well, I think this will be a great wedding even if we don't spend a ton and I'm prepared to have a great time even if you're prepared to not"
  • thanks for all your replies! It's nice to hear another person's perspective, and you all have some very good points. THANK YOU!
  • I agree the other pp's also I would add that you probably should stop sharing your ideas with her if she's only going to be negative.
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