Wedding Woes

scared and helpless

The wedding planning has been great, but life seems to be wanting to bring me down hard core, I am so stressed out and ready to give up, I feel so ran down, my sister is clinically depressed and i love her so much but this past week is almost more than I can handle. I am feeling stuck and unsure of what to do next. She is nine years older than me and i have been watching out for her these past two years at least. This post may seem extreme but i really need to vent somewhere, i cant talk to family about this and i really need to get this out. My sister tried killing herself five years ago and she failed, she was hospitalized for five months after the first incident. After she was released she seemed to be doing better, but with in these past few months  things have made a turn for the worse. My family knows she is not doing good but I am the only one who really knows what is going on. She has a personality disorder and basically gets to the point where she doesnt know who she is and does things she wouldnt normally do, it seems like someone else is thinking for her. Well this last Monday i recieved a phone call from a friend of hers saying that she had overdosed on her meds and that she was asking for me, she refused to lay down until i got there. When i arrived at the house she was so drugged she couldnt talk or even hold her head up, it was scary. I didnt know what to do all i could think of was to get her to lay down and try to sleep it off. (we had already made sure that what she had taken was not lethal) we finally got her to sleep then just had to watch her vitals all night. I work full time so i had to leave her in the care of her friend the next day, I called her friend around two thirty on tuesday to see how she was doing and in the few short seconds he took his eyes off of her to tell me what was going on she managed to find a razor blade and slice her arm wide open. I left as soon as possible and ran to the house to try and patch her up. The cuts were right below a main artery but missed it so i was able to push the skin folds together and wrap it up, after that i called her counselor and asked him to come over and help. He showed up and did his best to bring her back from her sort of daze the rest of this week has consisted of me monitoring her whenever im off work plus trying to get all the wedding stuff done. My fiance has been amazingly supportive but i am really struggling, i just dont know what else to do, i dunno how else to help. Im scared. I love my sister more than the anything.... but where do i go from here. I want to help her but what more can i do?
I never believed in True Love until I met him. Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

Re: scared and helpless

  • Kristin789Kristin789 member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    You are not your sister's parents - who should be handling all of this. You are not your sister's counselor - who should be handling all of this. You are a young woman who has her own life, her own fiance, and her own upcoming wedding to work on. You need to turn this situation over to the people who are her appropriate guardians, and get involved in your own life before your own life evaporates.
  • Kristin789Kristin789 member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    And you would find more people able to respond to your question if you posted this on P&E. That is the most active board. Here on WW, there are few regulars...
  • 6fsn6fsn member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Your sister needs more than just a counselor.  She has tried to commit suicide twice in the last week.  She needs to me committed.Why doesn't your family know everything that is going on?  They need to know.  This is their daughter.  It's not the time to be keeping secrets.  Your sister needs more help than you can give.I'm glad your FI is supportive.  You might consider finding someone else to talk to too.  A preist/rabbi/counselor whatever.  YOU have been through a lot and could use someone to talk to.
  • edited December 2011
    It's hard to hear this - but she's not your responsibility. If you truly want to help her, get her committed. It seems (sorry, but this is the impression I get) that she's gonna be a lifer when it comes to depression and suicidal tendencies. There's nothing you can do. All the love in the world won't protect her, though you wish it would. Your best bet is to get her into a home where they can better care for someone like her. Sometimes she's fine, and other times she's ready to kill herself - it's not your place to take care of her her whole life.
  • edited December 2011
    Also - thanks Kristin, like we don't already have a graveyard around here, please, shoo off the few people that do come here.
  • Gunther17Gunther17 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I wish i could turn it over to my parents but she thinks they are going to hurt her... its all extremely complicated. More than what i feel at liberty to talk about. But i am afraid that if my parents get involved she will run. Or do worse. A group of counselors are meeting together today to try and decide if she should be committed i want to leave that decision up to them... i feel it is too hard for me to make. i just feel so out of my league. But i agree i need to do what everyone is saying.... its just really hard but i do need to look out for myself as well. Im running myself into the ground. the last thing i want to do is get too involved and jeopardize my relationship with my fiance. Its just that all of this is really getting to me. Im sorry for venting here i just really needed to get it out, i felt like i was about to explode. 
    I never believed in True Love until I met him. Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
  • 6fsn6fsn member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    It's okay to vent here.  If you really are feeling so overwhelmed I want to reiterate that you see someone for YOU.  I would also take to the group of counselors tonight about what involvement your parents should have.  That decision shouldn't be just on your shoulders.
  • edited December 2011
    No, this is an actual "woe" not like, "OMG MY SHOES ARE CREAM AND MY DRESS IS OFF-WHITE" so this is the perfect place to vent. You're right. you can't run yourself into the ground for her. You're not doing her any favors by trying to be there for her when she's in the emotional state she's in. The best thing you can do for both of you is to let her get professional help, and you live a good life.A question for you - what would you do if you had kids? I'm assuming you want kids at some point... are you going to still run and take care of your sister when you've got children? What do you think the kids will think about all of it?
  • Gunther17Gunther17 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    yes i do want children someday and i need to be committed a 100% to my family. Thats why i want to get this fixed now. Before i committ myself a 100% to my husband. The past four years all i have been is emotional support because she has been doing so well. But then these past few months her counselor has brought back all the times that she was sexually molested and she hasnt been able to handle going through it again. I do think i need to make it clear that this is the first time she has depended on me to keep her alive. So this part is knew to me. Which is probably a big reason i feel overwhelmed.
    I never believed in True Love until I met him. Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
  • Gunther17Gunther17 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    oh and me getting a counselor... i dont even know where to go.
    I never believed in True Love until I met him. Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
  • edited December 2011
    You both need to see counselors, for different reasons. She needs around-the-clock supervision until she's able to get to a decent place with the past, and you need counseling to help you deal with what your sister is going through. Also - there are support groups out there for people like you - you might look into finding a support group to be a part of, or speaking to your spiritual advisor about all of this. YOU need a support structure too.
  • edited December 2011
    My counselors are spiritual based people. I'm not religious, but these women aren't either so it worked out well. You never know where you'll find support, but you do need something. People to talk to, people who understand what you're going through, people who can ask you all the right questions that you may have never considered on your own. Counselors are tricky - finding a good one I mean - you want someone who wants the same things as you. So, if you don't want medicine, don't go for a counselor that deals more in medicine than anything. If you are part of a church or spiritual group, that would be a good place to start.
  • Gunther17Gunther17 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    where would i even go...
    I never believed in True Love until I met him. Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
  • edited December 2011
    You're in Omaha, NE, yes?GriefShare-Grief Recovery Support GroupCelebration Covenant Church in Omaha. The church is located at 16868 Giles Road.Griefshare features nationally recognized experts on grief and recovery topics. Seminars include "The Journey of Grief", "When Your Spouse Dies", "The Effects of Grief", "Your Family and Grief", "Why?", and "Stuck in Grief".For more information, call Dana Bonsell or Celebration Covenant church at 894.9191 -or- 891.7106.Please feel free to contact us if you have any question or would like more information.Omaha HELP Support Group.Omaha HELP offers a confidential environment, non-judgmental support, and accurate information. The group meets in Room #234 at Brookside Church, east entrance, 11607 "M" Circle, Omaha, NE 68137. For further details, call (402) 895-1484, email yoshi2me@cox.net, or visit the Omaha HELP web site at http://members.cox.net/yoshi2me/OmahaHELP/OmahaHELPx.^those are ones I googled. Even if they're not the right ones, they might lead you in the right direction.
  • Gunther17Gunther17 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Thank you so much for being understanding and not attacking. I will look into the counseling groups and hopefully my sisters counselors will be able to help me out this afternoon. Unfortunately by law i am unable to attend their meeting. I wish i could.
    I never believed in True Love until I met him. Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
  • edited December 2011
    It's probably best you don't. There may be things you'd never want to hear your sister say, but that are healthy for her to get out. You'll be ok, just take care of yourself. And... taking care of yourself doesn't mean you love your sister any less - it just means that you love yourself enough.
  • edited December 2011
    WTF is Kristen and how does she know anything about WW?i'd like to reiterate what everyone else said.you can't handle this on your own.  tell you family, get her into to significant counseling if not hospitalization.
  • Gunther17Gunther17 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    the meeting today does not include my sister just the counselors talking about my sister trying to figure out what to do
    I never believed in True Love until I met him. Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
  • ReturnOfKuusReturnOfKuus member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Kristen is a crazy fossil who thinks that while a man needs to leave and cleave, a woman needs to be at her parents' beck and call until they die.
    image
  • GBCKGBCK member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    one other small tip, if you have an EAP through work, call 'em. They know local resources, they're free and confidental, and helpful. And, it doesn't necessarily sound like you're there yet but, don't be afraid to do hard stuff for her own good. I know it sucks. It sucks a lot. When the Mr. was hospitialized for his depression, he waffled a bit while in the ER about going in for treatment. I told him, in no uncertain terms, that he was going in voluntarily or I was signing over to force him in but, at this point, he was going. He was a bit miffed at the moment (although he didn't lash out) but both then, and now, he knoew that any action like that was done because I loved him and wanted him safe and happy. (and he decided to sign himself in) And do try to keep a paper trail. It may already be there but, in the future, call the cops, call 911, etc--those sorts of records--proof that she tried to harm herself before, etc, can end up being very necessary if it gets to the point of institutionalizing someone and having things in placve to protect them.
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