For those of you doing NFP

DMLJ · August 2009

How long have you been successfulling using NFP (meaning continued to have regular sex without conceiving)? Its something I may be interested in after the wedding, but we're really not ready for a baby for at least another 4-5 years. I'm also a total control freak and I'm kind of afraid that I won't want to be with my future husband because I don't want to get preg. I haven't gone to any classes yet so any insight would be great!

GulfCoaster · August 2009

Well, "successful" is what you make of it. Some of my friends had compelling reasons to avoid pregnancy for the first three or four months of their marriage, so they practiced NFP to avoid pregnancy for a few months. Then they decided to TTC once those first few months had passed and they no longer had compelling reasons to avoid pregnancy, and used NFP to conceive. I think they'd classify themselves as a success. But you were specifically asking about "success" in the sense of avoiding pregnancy for a long time.NFP can be extremely accurate, if you learn the rules and apply them consistently. Classes are very useful in this regard -- you learn how to chart, and you have teachers helping you interpret the charts. The more charts you have before you are sexually active, the easier it will be to interpret them.My DH and I have been avoiding pregnancy for over two years now by practicing NFP. As one word of advice, I will say that the Church teaches us that we ought to have "serious reasons" to avoid pregnancy (there's a discussion of this in Humanae Vitae). This has been something that my DH and I have struggled with over time. Are our reasons serious, or are they selfish? This is something that we have to examine every single month... In the first few months of our marriage, our reasons were reasonably serious, but lately, our reasons for avoiding pregnancy have become much less serious, and that's something that we are prayerfully considering. I would encourage you to take the same approach. Instead of setting a "deadline" before which you won't TTC, prayerfully examine together every month the reasons for trying to avoid pregnancy.I really do encourage you to take a class. You can find classes and teaching couples online at www.ccli.org .

Chigurl1981 · August 2009

My Fiance and I are getting married at the end of September and we've taken the first of the 3 class sessions. We did well charting for the first few weeks then life took over and we couldn't keep up with charting at the exact same time every morning. We both think its a wonderful thing, but we will not be continuing with the last 2 classes...at least not until our life settle down a little more and we can have a consistant schedule. Or until we want to conceive. I can't really give you advice on it, it's something you need to talk about together and make sure you are fully committed to it, especially since you do not wish to have a baby for 4-5 yrs.

Pirata13 · August 2009

GulfCoast--just our of curiosity, do they cite examples of "serious reasons" not to want to conceive? FI & I have discussed and for various reasons are not having children. We are doing our pre-Cana in October. Not sure what kind of questions we may get either in pre-Cana or from my priest regarding plans for children. My priest is very cool, and I don't think he'd give us any lectures on our choice. However, I have always wondered what the reactions may be?

masked_rose86 · August 2009

I've learned the Creighton model and the couple-to-couple league metod. Personally, the latter I think will work best for my FH and I since I"ve been able to actually figure out a pattern with it. As for "serious reason" there is nothing written down by the church because it varies couple to couple. Something that is stressful/serious for one couple may not be for another. If the church actually wrote those things down, it would open a pandora's box for scrupoulousity (is that a word?). I believe it is more about entering these decisions with prayer with your husband than "following the rules" for when to become TCC. This is definitely something you could discuss with your priest if you have questions. Just how to enter into prayer about it, and figuring how to determine where you are at with that.

Calypso1977 · August 2009

as far as serious reasons, i've read that financial, mental/psychological, and physical are the three primary reasons they consider "serious" for avoiding pregnancy. Obviously, financial can be loosely construed. i interpret financial to mean that you shouldnt wait just because you want a bigger house or a nicer car, but rather, you truly cant afford to feed/clothe your kid.

Pirata13 · August 2009

We have made our decision, and much of it factors on age and health reasons--I will be 40 shortly after the wedding, high blood pressure, risk of high risk pregnancy. Especially because once we would really be more financially prepared I'd be 42-44, which is even higher risk. But much of it is also that we don't want children. We feel it is not for us. How does the Church take that? Do they trust that it is not our calling to be parents but to be mentor roles with other family and neighbor children? Or do they take a stance of "If you could, you should, no matter what"?

Calypso1977 · August 2009

pirata, the church does teach that the purpose of marriage is to have children (the whole "be fruitful and multiply"), although its certainly not the sole reason nor is sex solely for procreation, as many erroneously believe the church teaches. but, they also teach that you should be responsible about it. just becuase they do not support birth control, doesnt mean you should have 10+ kids. more kids does not mean better catholic.having children also does not necessarily mean you giving birth. it can also be adoption, and adoption of a child any age. i would consider foster parenting to even fit that role. i struggle with this too, as i really dont care for children and i think i could be quite happy never having one. however, if i did, i would welcome it and accept it as god's plan. if you truly believe that physically you cant or shouldnt conceive, then you shouldnt.

Pirata13 · August 2009

Thanks Calypso. I have encountered several people over the course of my life (always knew I didn't want kids)--and I am not talking Catholic or any specific faith or otherwise--who have had the attitude that just because I have girl parts, I should have a baby. And I don't believe everyone should be parents or are called to that.FI & I would definitely feel comfortable as a couple having a child--equal support--but much of the matter is that by the time we'd be financially ready to make that decision if we were going to, that my age and health concerns, the risk to myself and the child would be enough that we weren't willing to risk it.Thanks for the advice/knowledge.

Jay&Marissa · August 2009

My FI and I want to hold off on having kids for 2-3 years because we will be just out of college aand he is going to med school and I don't really feel comfortable putting my child in daycare, so I guess that would be a financial reason. Sometimes I wonder if it is compelling enough, though

Calypso1977 · August 2009

Marissa, i think it would be. one could argue its psychological too - a child needs both parents involved, and if your H is in med school, he may not have much time to devote to a child.it is hard tho. i really feel our reasons arent legit, or rather my reasons. H wants one now, i just got promoted so i want to wait 1-2 years so that i'm settled into my new role and hopefully have more options in terms of work from home a day or two per week, have flex hours, etc.

DMLJ · August 2009

I personally think that if your reason is so that you can keep partying and go and vacation and stuff before a baby comes, then that is selfish, but many of us are still young, don't have much job security (especially the way the economy is) and do not have the education to make more money. If what you are doing is for the future of your family and not so you can buy prada shoes- then I would say its a good reason.

For those of you doing NFP

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