How should i tell my bridesmaids??

dubs25 · October 2010

Heyy everyone! I wanted to tell my bridesmaids in a creative way that I want them to be part of the wedding. Not all my of bridal party lives in NY and I havent told any of my girls yet. I was wondering if anyone had any cute ideas on how to ask them to be in my wedding. Thankss

[Deleted User] · October 2010

There are a lot cute little cards and things you can give them to ask them. However, I am not a fan of those things. What is wrong with simply asking them in person or going to lunch with them to ask them?

dubs25 · October 2010

I dont think there is anything wrong with just asking them at lunch or whatever. But since 4 of the 6 girls dont live in NY and are spread out across the country I wanted to do something a little more personal than just asking over the phone.

MyNameIsNot · October 2010

You don't tell them, you ask them.

If you want to do a card or something, go for it. Personally, I prefer a face to face or (if long distance) a phone conversation.

What could be ,more personal that a phone conversation with a close friend?

lalap69 · October 2010

You're not getting married until October 2012. Wait until October 2011 to ask them. Right now it's wayyyy too early.

mkrupar · October 2010

If your bio is correct and you're not getting married for 2 years, I would hold off on asking anyone until about January of 2012. Lots of girls come on here that got really excited about asking the BP waaaay too far in advance and now regret it because relationships change. You may think your friends and friendships could never change, but they might. I would enjoy being engaged for now. You have plenty of time for all of the details.

As for your question, the honor is in being asked not how they're askied. Just call them up and ask them. if you make everything about your wedding a big production people are going to be over it, and you, come October of 2012.

dubs25 · October 2010

Well i know I have to ask them cause that's what I stated in my questions. I also know its not for 2 years, but these girls are without a doubt be my bridesmaids bc we have all grown up together and are like family. I am also getting all my planning out of the way early so I will be looking at dresses and all the other wedding goodies right after the holidays, so i figured letting them know early would be a good thing.

aerinpegadrak · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_should-tell-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:0349ef7a-12b9-4ca2-8698-f04b3b1f6c23Post:8dfdadf4-38e6-4ae5-ad6b-a19e90e2a73a">Re: How should i tell my bridesmaids??</a>:
[QUOTE]Well i know I have to ask them cause that's what I stated in my questions. I also know its not for 2 years, but these girls are without a doubt be my bridesmaids bc we have all grown up together and are like family. I am also getting all my planning out of the way early so I will be looking at dresses and all the other wedding goodies right after the holidays, so i figured letting them know early would be a good thing.
Posted by dubs25[/QUOTE]
I had a 2 year engagement, and I asked my girls pretty early on. I'm still on good terms with each one of them, and I still regret asking too early. Because our relationships didn't change, but my plans sure as hell did. When the discount we were counting on fell through, we would have happily eloped had we not already asked our attendants. As it was, we were kind of stuck and had to figure out a way to make it work and still involve them.

Not only that, but it sort of diminished the overall excitement level. They were all excited to be asked initially, but that died down pretty quickly when there was NOTHING for them to do for well over a year, and didn't pick up as much as it might have if they hadn't been just plain burned out by the time the wedding rolled around.

ETA: Oh yeah, malphabet's post reminded me, TWO of them got pregnant and gave birth in between asking them and the wedding. Thankfully, they were choosing their own dresses, but the pregnancy meant they had to wait until pretty much the last minute to do so.

Seriously, there is absolutely no good reason to ask now and a billion good reasons to wait.

mbcdefg · October 2010

Read through some posts on these boards from people who regretted asking their BMs more than a year in advance. Most of them wanted to "plan early," too.

Besides, looking at BM dresses more than maybe 6-8 months in advance would be a waste of time and money. If you purchase them now, the girls would more than likely drag their feet while ordering, because they will figure, "Why on earth do we need to order so early out? This is nuts." Even if they DO order, the dresses will sit in their closets for months and months ... there's a good chance that someone will gain/lose weight by the time your wedding approaches, or even get pregnant. Or you may see a dress you like better and want to change the plan. Then you're back to square one.

It's fine to want to knock things out early, but it can be a problem when it involves other people. So, if you want to plan things early, only plan for things that affect you, not your friends. There is zero reason why you need to ask these people more than a year in advance. Plus, a lot of people who've grown to dislike a bridesmaid or even kicked her out (and therefore ended the friendship) swore up and down that these girls were "lifelong best friends" when they first asked them.

Please, people aren't telling you wait to rain on your parade. They're telling you from experience. The reason why married girls offer advice on these boards is because they have been there and done that.

trix1223 · October 2010

I'm really not trying to pee in your cheerios, but I wish I had a dollar for every bride who comes here saying "2 years ago, I asked someone who had been my BFF since jr. high, and now we have drifted apart, and I've become very close with and want to replace old friend with new. How do I do that?"

This is another of those things that everyone thinks won't happen to them, until it happens to them.

There are a lot of reasons NOT to ask anyone to be in a WP now, and not a single, solitary good reason that you shouldn't wait. If they're still BFFs in two years, ask away.

They don't need to get dresses yet. They don't need to plan showers yet. They don't need to plan b-parties yet. In fact, they don't need to do a thing for your wedding yet. Not. a. Thing.

As for asking, I personally think that being asked BY someone, even if it's over the phone is a heck of a lot more personal than getting a card in the mail, or a cookie shaped like a dress.

In the next two years, the wedding industry will do their best to convince you that every single thing about your wedding must be creative, clever, unique, memorable, special, and different or you won't have a successful wedding. And that's just not true.

In January, 2012 call up your friends and ask them. It's really that simple.

bablingbrooke · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_should-tell-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:0349ef7a-12b9-4ca2-8698-f04b3b1f6c23Post:8dfdadf4-38e6-4ae5-ad6b-a19e90e2a73a">Re: How should i tell my bridesmaids??</a>:
[QUOTE]Well i know I have to ask them cause that's what I stated in my questions. I also know its not for 2 years, but these girls are without a doubt be my bridesmaids bc we have all grown up together and are like family. I am also getting all my planning out of the way early so I will be looking at dresses and all the other wedding goodies right after the holidays, so i figured letting them know early would be a good thing.
Posted by dubs25[/QUOTE]
Every day someone posts that she asked her BMs two years before the wedding, thinking the friendship would never change, and now the relationship has completely changed and how does she now ask the BM to step down. No joke--every single day.<div>
</div><div>This advice is especially true, btw, if you're still in college or less than a year or so out. Your friendships post-college will change DRAMATICALLY once you no longer have that in common.</div><div>
</div><div>Until you have your wedding booked (venues at the very least) you shouldn't ask them. It's really hard for someone to commit to being at an event when they don't know where and when it is. Plus they will get wedding burnout if you're going to expect them to be excited and into wedding planning for two years. Just enjoy being engaged, plan the big things, and ask the WP a year from now. There's nothing for them to do at this point, there's no reason to ask them now, and even though you probably won't change your mind, why paint yourself into a corner now? </div>

lalap69 · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_should-tell-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:0349ef7a-12b9-4ca2-8698-f04b3b1f6c23Post:4c206d88-69e5-46d6-afa1-84f405d3f3bb">Re: How should i tell my bridesmaids??</a>:
[QUOTE]Yeah, you need to wait to ask them. As sure as you are that they will be for sure your BMs, you may be wrong. Everyone else that later regretted it was just as sure as you are right now. Once you ask, you can't unask. <strong>Besides, it is really unfair and inappropriate to ask them to buy dresses a year or more in advance. If you want to plan early, go ahead. But you can't ask them to buy their dresses this early. They may gain/lose weight, have children, change styles, whatever in that much time. It is very likely that at least one of them won't be able to wear the same dress in a year, and with the way dresses get discontinued, you'll be screwed.</strong> Take the good advice and wait at least another year before doing anything with this.
Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]
This. If you want to get ahead of the curve by planning things now, that's okay, but you can only do that for the things you're responsible for. It's not fair to move up other people's commitments like that.

Reiterating what PPs have said: there's no good reason to ask right now, but many, many good reasons to wait.

dubs25 · October 2010

Thank you for your opinions. I guess ill wait to tell them.

trix1223 · October 2010

dubs: just one last thing. And perhaps it's just semantics, but I really hope you mean you're asking your friends to stand with you, instead of telling them they're in your WP.

One always hopes that the people asked will be able to accept the honor, but that's not always the case. And it's so much more gracious to say "Will you do me the honor of standing with me on my wedding day" than to say "You're in my WP."

bablingbrooke · October 2010

@Trix: She said she wanted to know how to tell them she wants them to be in the WP, which to me is the same as asking

Belle2Be · October 2010

Check this out, it's pretty cute I think-
http://www.inspirethebride.com/Fabulous-Creative-DIY-You-My-Bridesmaid-Giftboxes-6846973

I'm going to do that for both of mine soon

vhalbeck · October 2010

I know it's super hard to wait. I'm getting married 2 years from my engagement as well. I mean for me, I know i'll end up having 5 or 6 bridesmaids so I told two that I know wanted to be in the wedding and have the same tastes as I do that I wanted them in the wedding because they're my two close friends. It's really great to be able to share with them some ideas I have when I see them online or in magazines ( I don't bombard them!) and they're super excited about it and have been totally helpful with feedback on my decor (especially since one of them is an event planner) I would wait on bridesmaid dresses though since styles and people's sizes can change. As for my remaining bridesmaids, I still have a lot of decisions to make down the road when it's closer to the wedding. That works for me, and other people might not see it that way, but it was important to me and two of my friends. (I haven't however picked a MOH though because that is such a serious decision and I dont want to risk that relationship going sour)

Good Luck planning your wedding!!!

Kate61487 · October 2010

in answer to the original question (I agree you should wait) I called up my BFF after we'd set the date and said "Hey what are you doing on _______?" "I wondered if you would do me the honor of being my MOH"

How should i tell my bridesmaids??

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