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DH: Member of the Wedding Party (long) REPOST FROM THE NEST

ANGEL006ANGEL006 member
10 Comments
in Wedding Party
My DH is in standing up in a friends wedding next month. Other than the wedding invites being sent out earlier than expected, he has not heard any details on his obligations, rehearsal or bachelor party etc. He has contacted other members of the wedding party in attempts to get details for the Bachelor Party. He has a time and place - that's it and it's next weekend. The BM contacted everyone and invited them via telephone with the same info. There are over 40 people on the guest list. He has not been informed of his financial obligation or been involved in the planning. My understanding is that for Bachelor Parties, the guys in attendance usually chip in, like $10 - $20/ person for alcohol, strippers, etc. The guests were not informed of costs either. WTF ? He is done reaching out to the BM and I don't blame him. My issue, with only 5 groomsmen standing and a huge guest list - who is paying for this ? I don't want somebody with their hand out the day of - asking for $150.00 for the event. Am I to expect the BM is picking up the tab ? Additionally, I received the Bachelorette Party invite far in advance, wedding invite far in advance and the shower invite - last minute. The issue, he has not recieved any details on the rehearsal - my concern, when is it going to be held ? We have a CLOSE family members surprise 40th the day prior to his wedding and will be in attendance. How can you be so detailed and thorough with info - and then come across flaky with some details ? His friend is a great guy, but due to work obligations he did not attend DH's bach party or our rehearsal or rehearsal dinner. Is it sh**ty to not care if DH attends any of his events ? I know when you accept the honor of standing up, these are some of the obligations, but we still have our lives to live ~
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Re: DH: Member of the Wedding Party (long) REPOST FROM THE NEST

  • mbcdefgmbcdefg member
    10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    Your DH made the effort to ask what his share will be. So if the host hits him with an outrageous bill, IMO he shouldn't have to pay it. I would contact the Best Man one more time and insist on finding out whether he needs to pony up, or whether the BM is taking care of it. He also needs to call and insist on getting the rehearsal info, and say, "Look, I have another obligation that day that I really can't miss. I need to know NOW what the schedule is."
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  • jeannigirljeannigirl member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments
    Well that sucks, I hate the flakiness of people who will not respond to something of such importance. The best thing that he can do is to make one last final call to Groom or to BM and get it all out there when these events will be taking place and if their are expenses that are expected of him. Explain that he also has other obligations and needs to know beforehand then the day of. If they are wanting some money from him for the bachleor party what part does he have in helping on the planning?
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  • ffmaidffmaid
    1000 Comments
    Bachlor like bachlorettes the guests typically pay for themselves so expect whatever the event he is paying for himself and only himself  
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  • laureninglaurening
    100 Comments
    If I were DH, I would go on the polite offensive. I would call or email the BM one last time. Say in the message that because he hasn't heard otherwise he assumes he only has to pay for himself, but he wants to confirm because finances are tight and he can only afford to chip in like $20 so he wants to make sure there isn't any confusion afterwards. Regarding the rehearsal, he should email the groom and say that he has an important family obligation the day before the wedding and if the RD is that day he probably won't be able to make it. It's just easier to be upfront.
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  • ANGEL006ANGEL006 member
    10 Comments
    Come on ladies - you know men are different. A 40 person bachelor party with poker tables and strippers ? At least a $750 event. The guest list came from the groom, but who dreamed up the plans - we don't know. Guys do ordinarily chip in per person for these things. Other than the BM, I don't know who is hosting~
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  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 25000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    It sounds like this may be a low key thing.  Most guys I know don't go into huge details if there isn't a huge detail to worry about.He can contact the best man and see if something is happening and he may even be able to plan something.  In the meantime though, he has to plan for nothing and if it's sprung on him at the last minute, he can come up with a 'set amount' that he was prepared to spend. 
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  • ANGEL006ANGEL006 member
    10 Comments
    DH and I discussed this tonight. He said he didn't give a sh**anymore, he is done calling people and whoever planned it - better be footing the bill for it because he hasn't been consulted on budget, guest list etc. He also said that if anyone tried to collect a large sum of money, he will NOT be attending the event. OUCH ~ Additionally, DH found out today that his 2 BFF's (LMAO) were invited - who are aquaintances of the groom, through my husband. Nice. Not only did no one say, hey what do you think about inviting so and so, my husband feels that since these are his friends, he should have been the one to extend the invite. Frosting on the cake ? The groom is inviting people directly. This party could easily end up with 75 people.
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