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Etiquette Question...

HHoward2011HHoward2011 member
First Comment
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
We are having our wedding in my hometown, 4 hours away from where we live currently....Many of our guests are traveling from out of town to attend.

My future mother in law wants to know if she can invite all of the out of town guests that are her family to the RD??  Is this the proper way to do things?

I was under the assumption that the RD was just for the wedding party and immediate family.

Don't want to ruffle any feathers until I know the correct way to do things...lol

Any help would be great :)
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Re: Etiquette Question...

  • DramaGeekDramaGeek member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its
    Who is hosting the RD?  If your ILs are, then it's really up to them.  If someone else is, you need to see if it's in the budget.  It is not required to host the OOT guests the night before, but I think it's a nice thing to do.

    We did host most of our OOTers.  There were 11 of them, all close family (grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins), and all were staying with family who would be at the RD anyway.  We felt it'd be rude to say "thanks for coming into town, you're on your own" so we invited them.  It was really nice to have that extra time to visit with them.  The wedding day was crazy busy and we hardly saw them at all.
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  • HHoward2011HHoward2011 member
    First Comment
    Okay thanks that helps.  My future in-laws are paying for the RD, I was just concerned about the amount of people.  They have a big family and were talking about 50 extra guests, not included in the wedding they want to invite.

    I see what you are saying about spending the extra time with them; I was just worried about the extra stress the night before the wedding.

    I just wanted a low-key get together....
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  • BeazillaBeazilla member
    100 Comments
    Like DramaGeek said, it depends on who's hosting and paying. If FMIL is hosting and paying, then she can invite whoever she wants. If you're hosting and paying, you can limit the RD guest list. Some people want to host all OOT guests for the RD and that's perfectly acceptable and gives you more time to spend with them.
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  • DramaGeekDramaGeek member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its
    HHoward, I don't think the extra guests will cause more stress.  Are they high maintenance people or something?
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  • HHoward2011HHoward2011 member
    First Comment
    Some of them are, especially my future mother in law....:(

    She' s the only one I'm kind of worried about
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  • DramaGeekDramaGeek member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its
    If it makes you feel better, I put myself in timeout at my RD until after I finished dinner.  I would only speak to H and my MOH.  No one noticed.
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  • HHoward2011HHoward2011 member
    First Comment
    Thats great!  Thanks so much for your help, it just makes me nervous sometimes. I may have to try that putting myself in time out thing...it may work!
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  • DramaGeekDramaGeek member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its
    Yeah, in all the hub bub sometimes we have to steal some moments to ourselves.  It helps a lot if you can take the day of the rehearsal off.  I had a crazy busy day which didn't help the situation, then traffic was awful and half the WP was late to the rehearsal so everything ran late...it was a mess, and so was I.  So I put myself in timeout and ate, then afterward I felt better and was able to relax and socialize.
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  • Melissa603Melissa603 member
    500 Comments Third Anniversary
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_etiquette-question-7?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:899b15b1-8e33-4131-8987-7264da1f187dPost:0e49c6be-d020-416a-8545-d484904c7daa">Re: Etiquette Question...</a>:
    [QUOTE]If it makes you feel better, I put myself in timeout at my RD until after I finished dinner.  I would only speak to H and my MOH.  No one noticed.
    Posted by DramaGeek[/QUOTE]

    <div>That is a fantastic idea!</div>
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  • Kristin789Kristin789 member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    <<My future in-laws are paying for the RD,

    Then they control the guest list, as well as the color scheme, the menu, the invitation design, etc.

    >>I was just concerned about the amount of people. 

    Your FMIL needs to be concerned about the RD.  You just need to be gracious and grateful.
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  • lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    I had an RD that included all the guests. Last night I went to an RD that included everyone. I will not lie, it was overwhelming.   DH was overwhelmed he retreated to another room with a few friends and the groom last night did something similar. 

    As overwhelming as it was it was also awesome.  It really took the pressure off of the wedding day to spend time with everyone.  We still greeted everyone on the day off, but I did not have to spend as much time with people like my parent's friends or DH's cousins.  







    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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