is my mom right? (long - BM gift)

pinkiemo · August 2009

So, my wedding is in January and the colors are navy and silver. The BMs are wearing navy dresses so I decided for the BM gift to give them light grey pashminas. They're really nice, 100% cashmere, and the light grey makes them look sorta silvery.I'm telling my mom the great deal I got on these really nice pashminas and she goes, "You know, with your sister's coloring, I don't think she'll wear grey, I know I wouldn't. Actually your other bridesmaid probably won't either. Just a thought. I mean they'll wear it for your wedding, but probably not after. They'll probably throw them away." ???? Throw them away? While I boggle over that, I'm also thinking, why wouldn't it look good? My sister (MOH) has slightly olive skin and the other BM my mom was talking about is Hispanic. Would they really not wear light grey? I sorta thought it was a universal color. I'm not sure what to do now, I thought it was a great gift and one that they could use after the wedding, but now I'm even considering taking them back. I would just ask my sister, but I wanted it to be a surprise. Thoughts? Should I return them because apparently only blondes can wear light grey, or are they still a great gift?

AmoroAgain · August 2009

Ugh. Tell her to shut it. Seriously. Mom's and their ideas.

AlexiaANDRobert · August 2009

I have dark hair and light tan skin and I think I'd use it again. Although I'm not sure what one has to do with the other... people don't always like or dislike things what "go" with their coloring. Some ppl will say that since it's meant for the wedding it isn't a gift, but anything I don't have to buy myself as a bridesmaid works for me. If it's what YOU want to do - go for it. If they give it away, or throw it away (weird?), that's for them to do as they please. GL!

betrothed123 · August 2009

IMHO that's not a gift for them. It's a gift for you. You're buying something you want them to wear in the wedding. I think that it could still work as a small portion of the gift, so you don't have to return them, but I don't think that should constitute the whole gift.

danieliza1127 · August 2009

I could go either way on this. For one thing, don't take them back just because your mom doesn't like it. It's not for her anyway. Personally, I think pashminas are a really overdone and generic gift BUT I do love grey and I know I would use it in the winter with my black winter coat. I never really dress up enough to use it with anything else, but I would use it as a scarf in the winter.

laurening · August 2009

A wrap to go with the BM dress isn't really a BM gift. It's something that goes along with the wedding day outfit. The question to ask yourself is if you weren't coordinating with the BM dresses and you were getting married in July, would you still get them the pashminas? If not, then it's not a good gift. This is the reason you'll see a lot of people say, don't get the BMs the same thing and shop as if you're shopping for their birthday.

ffmaid · August 2009

I'm not a pasmina person and even if I was I look sick in light gray due to my italian herigtage and resulting skin tone.So I would wear it once to appease you at the wedding and then give it to goodwill. Of the women in my wedding none of them would have wanted it and only 1 wears light grayAre your friends shawl or pasmina people? do they wear them on a regular basis? When you see them out do they wear light gray? Do they wear silver in general? Would you have looked at the gray pasmina and thought oh that is great that is exactly what i should get her for her birthday about each lady?Also I think attire for the day is a crummy kinda self centered gift.

tlv204 · August 2009

I look terrible in gray, but that being said I would love anyone who got me a nice pashmina (not one of the cheap ones) and I'm sure I would wear it again.

Soon-to-be Mrs. Vogt · August 2009

I'm with Dani on this one...I could go either way. Grey is basically a neutral color, and it matches the dress. I don't think I would give this as their only gift, but I think it would be fine.However, if it's their only gift, and they're the kind of ladies who normally wear pashminas...I would probably have gone with their individual favorite colored pashminas. I would be much happier with say a red one that I could switch between my black and brown coats than I would with a silver one. Plus, with navy dresses, I think bright colors could look really awesome if you wanted them to actually wear them to keep warm - red, bright pink, lime green...those all compliment navy well (since it's a neutral color) and you could take your BMs individual preferences into account.

veevixxn · August 2009

To me, grey is a great neutral color. Not every body will wear it, but then again, not everybody will wear (fill in the blank) color. Color preferences are highly personal. Your mother has stated her preferences. Don't let her make you second guess your preferences.

lizziemoopsc · August 2009

Anything I receive as a bridesmaid is a delightful gift, even if it is intended as something to wear for the day. Also, I think it is highly appropriate and possibly even preferable to receive something that goes with the season. If you are feeling insecure however, maybe you could get them another small gift that isn't related to the wedding (or at least directly affecting the day)? HTH!

pinkiemo · August 2009

wow, i guess i never even considered that the gift wouldn't be something to use on the wedding day. every wedding i've ever been in as a bridesmaid the gift was always jewelry to wear the day-of, which of course I never wore again. i thought i was being really cool by getting them something that would be nice for the wedding and they could use later. good to know they may not see it that way. but for the record, i acutally thought they wouldn't wear the pashminas at the ceremony or in pictures, they weren't really meant to go with the dress, but just in case they got cold since it is winter then they wouldn't have to get a sweater or jacket. but now i'll know, if i still use them, to make sure they know they don't have to wear them

C W · August 2009

FWIW, I'm blonde and I don't wear light grey either. I don't know if your BMs like grey though, so I can't comment on that, but I will say that I don't think that a pashmina meant to be worn at your wedding is a gift. It's like buying them jewellery to wear to the wedding.

tlv204 · August 2009

If it's not for the ceremony or pictures or that, I actually really like the idea of getting their favorite colors. Bright colors really do look great with navy, and it would be more personal. I wish pashminas were "overdone" with my friends so I could get one without buying it myself. Maybe that can be my christmas present to myself this year. Apparently I really want a pashmina.

Peyton Lawrimore · August 2009

pinkie - I think the other posters are being a little harsh. I'd love to get a light grey pashmina and would wear it after the wedding. So much better than another pair of pearl or silver earrings. :-)

janedoe1113a · August 2009

I probably wouldn't use a grey pashmina after the wedding. If you're not expecting them to wear it after the wedding, then I would get them their favorite color so they'll actually use it.

noelle24 · August 2009

If you really don't need your BMs to wear them in pictures or during the ceremony, then I'd definitely get them each one in their favorite color. It's a little more personalized that way.

sammi1285 · August 2009

I really think that your mom is getting you to overthink this one. A pashmina is an accessory, so your BMs will be more likely to use it even if it isn't their color. I think that is a very nice gift that is versatile and I would love it if I received this as a gift and I dont even own one

I have really never received a gift in a wedding that wasn't related to the wedding. I disagree with PP... just because you get someone something to wear the day of the wedding does not mean the gift is for yourself. I know that is a common opinion on these boards but I just have to politely disagree. If a BM gets me an accessory, it is one less thing I have to worry about buying. Whether or not I wear that accessory in the wedding has no bearing on whether or not I like it or will wear it again. I got my bridesmaids pearl sets (earring, necklace and bracelet) and I know they will love them. Even if I didn't ask them to wear it in the wedding, I know they would probably want to anyway. I also got them all silk robes from VS in colors that I thought would reflect their personalities... I think it would be cute if we wore them when we were getting ready, but I know they are going to love them when they get them. I'm actually really excited to give them these gifts. I still put the thought into the gifts and tried to get the something they would like, so to me that is not a gift for myself.

kbmeow · August 2009

I like a nice neutral gray myself. It looks great with pastels. I wear my pashmina as a scarf more than a shall .

is my mom right? (long - BM gift)

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