NWR MOVING

Re: NWR MOVING

• bruna29 member

  

  March 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_nwr-moving?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:78608982-3280-4660-a007-64c3cdfaefa1Post:90089034-6690-4dd0-9b32-dd3c1be50c98">NWR MOVING</a>:
  [QUOTE]Good almost afternoon everyone,  well we made it. our house is starting to look more like a house and less like a moving van exploded every day. the kitchen is cleaner and now if my FI could just get his clothes put away the bedroom would look much better as well.  We have kinda a odd living situation, and just want some thoughts on how to help that little issue.  my FI's dad rented our house to a guy so he would have a place to store his stuff while he was re locating. THERE WAS NO LEASE!!! he was supposed to be out last summer, and now his stuff isnt only here. he is as well. we were given a move in date by my FI's dad. which i thought was the other guys move out date. its not. so now we have a guy i dont know and really dont care much for living in our house with all his stuff. hes not very good at cleaning up and even though he says he wont intrude or bother us i have had one night alone with my FI which kinda kills the love life. i have been nice but my niceness is coming to an end i have went as far as looking for houses for this guy.  any ideas on how to convey to my FI that this guy needs to move out without starting a huge fight (like yesterday)<strong> that usually ends in calling the wedding off talk?</strong> please help me.  this man needs to go like yesterday. 
  Posted by tiffielynn91[/QUOTE]
  Hmm.. this is a tough situation. It's even more tough because there is no lease. If I were you, there is no way in hell I would have even moved there until this guy moved out. But since there's not much you can do about that now, I would say you need to have a heart to heart with your FI or even with your FI's dad. You need to explain to him/them how you're feeling and why you want this guy gone. Does this guy pay rent or help out at all?<div>
  </div><div>I am concerned about the bolded part. Would your FI really say that you should call off the wedding if you have a disagreement? If so, then this is not right and it's really concerning. You guys need to figure out how to have a conversation without fighting and without your FI automatically jumping the gun to calling the wedding off. I'm not typically one to jump right to say that you two should look into premarital counseling, but in this case I would say it might be helpful to you. It's just something to think about.</div>

  
  

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• Nindakay

  

  March 2012

  Oh!  That's a toughie.  I agree with PP.  Maybe you should have a sit down with all parties involved.  Ask the guy when he plans to move out.  Sometimes, having a timeline helps be able to cope with things.  

  
  

  If I were the guy, I wouldn't want to live with an engaged or newly married couple.

  
  

  And yes....I am a big fan of premarital counseling.  We are doing it now.  I would consider this.  Does your officiant offer it?  Ours won't perform any marriage ceremony without the couple having completed this.

  

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• tiffielynn91 member

  

  March 2012

  thanks guy. the guy wont give us a deffinate date. and the problem is that i feel like my FI is taking the other guys side. to answer the question. he pays rent but really dosent do anything else. and my FI dosent see the problem with it since im home almost every day all the cleaning laundry, cooking and everything else falls on to me. so i think the big issue is that im expected to just deal with it. and have no complaint. Now dont get me wrong i dont mind at all cooking, cleaing, and taking care of everything for me and my FI, he is very good to me and lets me buy basically anything i want and always pays for it. so doing whatever needs to be done is fine. however now that i feel more like a maid than a stay at home college student/ wife to be, it is getting to me a little. and as for the wouldnt move in till the other guy was out we were under the impression he was going to be out. so now i am stuck. i wont move back home because i dont want to feel like i failed. i just dont want this to cause huge problems between me and my FI, because he said last night, "worst case we take a break you move home and when he leaves you come back and we give us a chance to do this alone" i dont want it to come to that. it stresses me out and i feel like im living in a hotel not my home. it seems like everyone but my FI sees the issue. 

  
  

  so im not quite sure how to handle this without starting a fight since we are both extreemly stressed and extreemly emotional when it comes to this subject. if anyone has any ideas on how to start this conversation it would be great. i told my FI i want the other guy out by May and that was what the big blow up was over last night, because i guess thats not enough time. so i have basically said screw it and just leave when the other guy gets here. 

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• bruna29 member

  

  March 2012 edited March 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_nwr-moving?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:78608982-3280-4660-a007-64c3cdfaefa1Post:28c084ef-eec6-4e43-bd40-70e242327003">Re: NWR MOVING</a>:
  [QUOTE]thanks guy. the guy wont give us a deffinate date. and the problem is that i feel like my FI is taking the other guys side. to answer the question. he pays rent but really dosent do anything else. and my FI dosent see the problem with it since im home almost every day all the cleaning laundry, cooking and everything else falls on to me. so i think the big issue is that<strong> im expected to just deal with it. and have no complaint.</strong> Now dont get me wrong i dont mind at all cooking, cleaing, and taking care of everything for me and my FI, he is very good to me and lets me buy basically anything i want and always pays for it. so doing whatever needs to be done is fine. however now that i feel more like a maid than a stay at home college student/ wife to be, it is getting to me a little. and as for the wouldnt move in till the other guy was out we were under the impression he was going to be out. so now i am stuck. i wont move back home <strong>because i dont want to feel like i failed</strong>. i just dont want this to cause huge problems between me and my FI, because he said last night, <strong>"worst case we take a break you move home and when he leaves you come back and we give us a chance to do this alone"</strong> i dont want it to come to that. it stresses me out and i feel like im living in a hotel not my home. it seems like everyone but my FI sees the issue.  so im not quite sure how to handle this without starting a fight since we are both extreemly stressed and extreemly emotional when it comes to this subject. if anyone has any ideas on how to start this conversation it would be great. i told my FI i want the other guy out by May and that was what the big blow up was over last night, because i guess thats not enough time. so i have basically said screw it and just leave when the other guy gets here. 
  Posted by tiffielynn91[/QUOTE]
  Okay, I am seeing A LOT of red flags here. <div>
  </div><div>First of all, your FI needs to have your back. He needs to understand and support how you feel. I'm just really confused about why he would say you two should take a break rather than kick this guy out of the house.</div><div>
  </div><div>Is this guy important to your FI? Is he a brother or a cousin or a best friend? I guess I don't understand why your FI would "choose" this random guy over you, and in a way, that is exactly what he's doing. He would rather break up with you than kick someone (who shouldn't even be there) out of the house. Like, really?</div><div>
  </div><div>Seriously think about premarital counseling. It will help you two communicate better. You need to learn how to have serious conversations that don't lead right to fighting and him threatening to break up with you.</div><div>
  </div><div>ETA: If you are expected to just deal with this and have no complaint over something like this, then what else are you going to be expected to just deal with and not complain about?</div><div>
  </div><div>Also, you haven't necessarily failed if you decide to move home. Maybe this move was too fast for you two, or maybe you're just not on the same page with regards to living expectations or your (future) marriage. If I were you (and please understand that I'm not TELLING you to do this, I'm merely saying what I would do if I were in your position), I would move out of that house, take a "break" from your FI or whatever he calls it, and seriously rethink marrying someone who won't support me and who constantly threatens to break up with me whenever we miscommunicate.</div>

  
  

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• tiffielynn91 member

  

  March 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_nwr-moving?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:78608982-3280-4660-a007-64c3cdfaefa1Post:c1f0505d-4e98-40f5-9286-fbe94484241f">Re: NWR MOVING</a>:
  [QUOTE]In Response to Re: NWR MOVING : Okay, I am seeing A LOT of red flags here.  First of all, your FI needs to have your back. He needs to understand and support how you feel. I'm just really confused about why he would say you two should take a break rather than kick this guy out of the house. Is this guy important to your FI? Is he a brother or a cousin or a best friend? I guess I don't understand why your FI would "choose" this random guy over you, and in a way, that is exactly what he's doing. He would rather break up with you than kick someone (who shouldn't even be there) out of the house. Like, really? Seriously think about premarital counseling. It will help you two communicate better. You need to learn how to have serious conversations that don't lead right to fighting and him threatening to break up with you.
  Posted by justdance93[/QUOTE]<div>
  </div><div>my FI dosent really know this guy. He feels really bad for him because he dosent know anyone. and i can understand that but i just want him to say, "honey i understand, i know this sucks, and im going to change it" thats all i want. like i said its just a rough situation and i want to try and understand where both sides are coming from but its just too weird for me. and i dont think 60 days are unreasonable for me to say you have this time to get out. but i have been reminded im not paying rent or for anything. so i think that is the problem. i feel like im not contrubiting so im kinda keeping my mouth shut. </div><div>
  </div><div>thanks for your support. i knew you guys would understand
  
  </div>

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• bruna29 member

  

  March 2012

  I mean, I could keep saying what I'm saying and telling you how I feel, but it probably won't make much of a difference. I'm sorry this is happening and that you're feeling this way. That really sucks. Your FI sounds like an ass, and I'm really sorry he won't support you.

  
  

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• entropicbeauty member

  

  March 2012

  With no lease I'm pretty sure there's some kind of occupancy laws that state if a person is "residing" in a place for more than a week you need to go through the proper channels of eviction.

  
  

  Look it up online, but you will definitely need to evict this dude. ALWAYS ALWAYS have a lease. It's very dangerous to have someone on your property with no lease. If he were to get injured he could sue you/your family for damages.

  

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• nlindsay17 member

  

  March 2012

  It sounds like your FFIL owns this house if he is the one that rented it out to that guy. If this is true then it is up to him how long that guy can stay there. It also seems that your FI doesn't want to have to pay the full rent.

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