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Adoption donations for a wedding gift?

karlalovesismaelkarlalovesismael member
First Comment
in Registry and Gift Forum
Ok brides I need your advice. I am getting married in November and I dont want checks or gifts. My fiance and I are unable to conceive. SO I had a great idea to have my guests donate to an "Adoption Fund" so we can adopt a baby next year. Problem is I dont know how to ask my guests for that. I also have no clue how to create a secure way for my guests to offer their donations. I want it to be professional. Not just them giving me cash or a check. Anyone know of a bank, organization, website I can set up account for them to directly deposit for my cause?Thanks in advance!~K~
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Re: Adoption donations for a wedding gift?

  • maggyruthmaggyruth member
    500 Comments
    Sorry, but asking for money in any way shape or form (even for a good cause/reason) is tacky.  Your guests are under no obligation to bring you anything, nor should what they give, should they choose, be forced upon them.
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  • karlalovesismaelkarlalovesismael member
    First Comment
    I am not saying that is the only thing to give us. I also have a registry. I was only putting it out there to my guests as an option. Ive actually talked to some family and they think it is a good idea. As a matter of fact my Mother in Law suggested it. I just didnt know how to create such an account.
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  • maggyruthmaggyruth member
    500 Comments
    I would still say that graciously receive cash or checks and in the thank you note indicate where you are applying the money.
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  • kristinanddankristinanddan member
    2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    What's the difference with just accepting the cash/checks that people give you and putting it towards an adoption? If people want to give you money, they will. Just tell them what you'll be using it for in the thank you. Any other way is tacky.
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  • golf*bridegolf*bride member
    10 Comments
    I also like Kristin's suggestion.  Plus, your adoption plans will probably spread via word of mouth to family and friends, so people might be inclined to give a monetary gift.
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  • ffmaidffmaid
    1000 Comments
    Donation is the same thing as asking for cash. It is just cash towards a certain purchase. Not cool not classy when asked about registry just say not registering as hoping to save mobney up for adopting a kid next year This is not a cause like a charity this is just an expense you hope to incure.
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  • cnderella83cnderella83 member
    10 Comments
    Just note in your thank you card what you are putting the money towards. :)
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  • Leah&Christian09Leah&Christian09 member
    1000 Comments
    What's the difference with just accepting the cash/checks that people give you and putting it towards an adoption? The difference is that if you set up one of these "registries" someone else gets a cut. How that could be a pro is beyond me.
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  • coppercoin123coppercoin123
    10 Comments
    Why set up a registry for cash gifts (this goes for adoption, honeymoons, mortgages, etc)? Just set up a special savings account that you and FI designate for just this purpose and deposit any gifts of cash or checks.  Cut out any company that might take a percentage of your gifts.
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  • duckie1905duckie1905 member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    Just because you have other registry options does not mean that this isn't asking for money.Just save up all the money you get and use it for that purpose.  There isn't a need to use an outside group that will take the money out of your hands (and away from your guests).
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  • C WC W
    500 Comments
    I don't think you should ask people to donate to an adoption fund. It's just like asking for cash. I would register for a few items and spread by word of mouth that you would prefer cash gifts. Then use the cash towards adopting a baby. Good luck!
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  • asmedley5689asmedley5689 member
    First Comment
    Word of mouth is best and then that is what you will get, besides towels are hardly a subsitute for a baby. I say its your wedding and your nearest and dearest are coming not these stuck up women do what feels right to you!
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  • Mrs.C4/07Mrs.C4/07 member
    10 Comments
    Word of mouth through the family is probably the best and most tactful way. I know a lot of people will be really happy and rooting for you guys so I think it might "dawn" on them to help out that way. Maybe something like "Yeah, they are so excited to be starting their life together and especially starting a family. They are looking into adoption and oh gosh, it's so expensive nowadays." Or something to this effect (conversation between family and friends).
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  • SoSweet06SoSweet06
    10 Comments
    I understand the thought, we will be adopting as soon as possible after our wedding as well. I'm not sure how domestic programs work, but most international programs require a minimum marriage length of two years. That gives you two years to raise money by holding yard sales, working a second job, etc. Our plan is for both of us to work second jobs at places that offer adoption benefits...twice the funds, twice as fast. The cost is huge, but there are ways to finance it...and, obviously, it is completely worth it :)
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  • FutureGuntherFutureGunther member
    10 Comments
    I am adopted, as is my brother, and my whole family has long been involved in the field through outreach programs and such.  That said, I'm pretty sure I would feel a bit upset/weird if I found out my parents funded my adoption by way of a wedding cash registry.  If they took any/all cash they received for their wedding and put it towards savings for adoption fees, rather than, say, going on a fun trip or buying a house, that's a totally different story.  However, as pps have mentioned, you will probably have a waiting period of at least a couple of years after getting married, which you will probably need because those fees are sky-high and you'd be very very fortunate to even get half through wedding gifts.  As has been mentioned, let it be a word of mouth thing and let guests decide on their own what they'd like to give you.  If you can't come up with the cash without creating an "adoption registry", you're probably not going to be approved as financially stable by the adoption agency...  Just something to think about.
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  • ribbicksribbicks
    100 Comments
    Personally, I think having the adoption fund is a wonderful idea.  I understand peoples concerns about seeming like your asking for money, but your not. your asking your dear friends and family to help you have a family for your own that you dearly want.  I think in most other circumstances asking for money would be a no-no, but I am absolutely behind this.  If your close friends and family have expressed that they think it is a good idea, and you and your husband agree than go for it.  I would also go to your local bank and ask how to set something up, guests can probably send a check made out to a certain title (like baby fund) strait to the bank.  I believe that the marriage and family you make is more imp than any gifts you get at a wedding so if I were in the same position as you, I would do it.  Good luck and I hope you are able to start extending your family soon!
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