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Out-of-Town Bridal Shower - Gift Question

**Mutley****Mutley**
1000 Comments
in Pre-wedding Parties
I am a MOH for my best friend's wedding in the spring.  The wedding and shower will be in Maryland.  However, the bride lives in San Francisco (just recently moved.)  Logistically, it would simplify the bride's life immensely if the shower gifts were just sent to her house in SF.  In talking with her, she really liked this idea.  I thought that the guests could bring a card with a picture of the present they sent.  Good, bad, other ideas? Etiquette blunder?If it would be acceptable, how would you word it in the invite?  (Or just spread it by word of mouth?) 
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Re: Out-of-Town Bridal Shower - Gift Question

  • kmmssgkmmssg mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    I don't think it is acceptable at all.  My DD lives in Salt Lake City and her wedding and shower were here in MI.  She knew up front that if she accepted being given a shower it was her responsibility to get her gifts back to SLC. A couple of us did ship the gifts on our own.  I bought the microwave she registered for - I would have shipped it for anyone who didn't live in the area, but it would have been my choice. I don't think you should word anything in the invitation.  If your friend accepts the shower, she needs to accept the expense of shipping her gifts home.
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  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    To answer your questions:  Bad idea.  Yes, an etiquette blunder.People shop for shower gifts.  They pay for them.  They wrap them.  They shouldn't have to pay shipping them all the way across the country for the bride's convenience.Also, there's just something that leaves a bad taste in my mouth about the bride opening up photos of gifts and passing around the pictures.  If your friend doesn't want to have to figure out how to get her gifts to her new home, she can decline the shower.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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  • ffmaidffmaid
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    1. You can not tell guests that they may not bring the gift to the shower that would be rude. So normal wording 2. bride is responsible for getting the gifts back home taht could mean shipping or moving costs or packing really light. 3. what you can do is if people ask you where she is registered say she is registered at x and y store and that she needs to get it all back home so it may be a good idea to pick smaller or lighter items off teh registry 4. you could give her the gift of shipping
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  • **Mutley****Mutley**
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Thanks.  I had a feeling it was a bad idea etiquette-wise, but figured I would ask anyways.  I got the idea when searching 'out-of-town shower' but it was for a baby shower.      I do like ffmaid's idea of giving her the gift of shipping.  Maybe all of the bridesmaids can chip in as part of the hosting.   On to think of other ideas.  We have a good 8 months before the shower.   
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  • rdixon2005rdixon2005 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    We registered at Bed Bath and Beyond. Our shower was in Ohio and we live in Colorado. BBB shipped all of our gifts directly to our home!!!! So she should find out if that is an option as well. It really is nice to have physical things to open at the shower and the guests really like to see the bride's reactions!!
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  • rdixon2005rdixon2005 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Forgot to mention that it was free and all we had to do was bring the gifts to the BBB store and they shipped it for us! All our guest had to do was purchase the gift and we got to take care of the rest!
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  • viola5618viola5618 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Recently i had a friend get married here, in iowa and they live in oregon. Her mom made it clear that every thing that would be traveling in the shower invite and any of the registered places that had free or inexpensive shipping. also the bride flew home for the wedding while the groom and groomsmen drove. leaving them a car to drive it all back. a much more inexpensive option than shipping things like dishes, blenders and a microwave. this was not suggested to guest for the simple fact that gifts would be smaller and the big ones would make it home. in the end it worked out great.
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  • arcmtgarcmtg
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    If it's a national store, I've heard of brides returning all the gifts to the store in the place that the shower is and then rebuying them in their home state. seems like a pain to me, but I guess it's a way to handle it.
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  • jpehli01jpehli01 member
    First Comment
    I just came across this as I'm dealing with the same issue and for anyone else that may come upon this in a similar search wanted to put my two cents in. I live over 2,000 miles from where my friends and family want to have the shower. It would take a minimum of six days to drive round trip to have my car to load with gifts and the cost of renting a car is ridiculous one way for that many miles. Therefore my bridesmaid are finding a way for everyone to bring a small gift that can be checked in my empty luggage and anything else can be shipped to us practically free of charge. In my opinion if someone isn't ok with this then they can expect their gift returned or they can choose not to come. Simple as that!
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  • photokittyphotokitty mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    jpehli01 said:

    I just came across this as I'm dealing with the same issue and for anyone else that may come upon this in a similar search wanted to put my two cents in. I live over 2,000 miles from where my friends and family want to have the shower. It would take a minimum of six days to drive round trip to have my car to load with gifts and the cost of renting a car is ridiculous one way for that many miles. Therefore my bridesmaid are finding a way for everyone to bring a small gift that can be checked in my empty luggage and anything else can be shipped to us practically free of charge. In my opinion if someone isn't ok with this then they can expect their gift returned or they can choose not to come. Simple as that!

    Sorry, but You sound a little ungrateful. If i was told this i would bring something small and checkable ~ like a serving spoon for $8.
    I have suggested in the past, when a bride was in the same situation, that she return the items and rebuy them at her local store. Bed bath & beyond will often times resell them to you with free shipping.

    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

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  • Sembree1Sembree1 member
    10 Comments Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    Maybe it could be an option for the hostesses to pay to have the gifts shipped to her home as a shower gift?
    [url=http://www.theknot.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=UBB&utm_campaign=tickers][img]http://global.theknot.com/tickers/tt18222b.aspx[/img][/url]
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